Posted in Marriage & Partnership

My husband is really negative

Anonymous

Seeking advice. My husband is really negative. Anytime something bad happens, he amplifies how bad it is and makes a mountain out of a molehill. It's always had a bad effect on me, but now it's even worse since we have kids and they are exposed to this negativity. Does anyone have experience with this - whether it's with a husband or other negative person in your life? Getting rid of them is not an option - I'm simply looking for coaching & feedback tools...Also, is this a guy thing?!

  • Anonymous
    Aug 30

    My husband is like that and so is his dad. So maybe it is a guy thing? And then my own dad lies a lot for stories and attention. I know my husband exaggerates for attention some time. I don’t really have a solution... just that you’re not alone. I just try my best to ignore it. Hard to ignore though when my husband treats my son like he’s on his deathbed when he is sick with a common cold. Or when my son gets a little sniffly or sunburnt on vacation and he acts like our whole vacation is ruined and wasted. So during these instances I do my best to keep moving forward while making comments like, “oh look, our son is still playing and happy to be out here despite his sniffles! Looks like he will survive and not ruin this vacation! But your negativity is ruining my mood and ruining it for me! If only the dad in this situation would keep it together!” I’ve also sat down with him and talked to him about how his negativity affects and stresses me out. I ask him if he wants me to live another 20+ years and if so, that he needs to find a way to manage this whether it be see a therapist together or he go see one by himself. So far... nothing has changed permanently.. just temporarily every time I blow up or talk to him about it. He also is afraid to turn out like his dad because it also affected him as a kid. Some times I will point out that he is becoming him and he will shape up, temporarily.

  • Anonymous
    1h ago

    I'm on the other end... I'm the negative person. It's not a guy thing bc I do it too sometimes & I am not one :P (though I learned it from my father). I have good days and bad days. The more time I spend outside or immersed in family activity, the better it is. I suppose sometimes it is for attention but I wouldn't say that's the main characteristic. For me, it's part of an overall pessimistic outlook on life. Depression and anxiety certainly make it worse when they flare up. The only thing that has helped at all in the moment (not preventative) is when my husband points it out. Usually it's specifically when my catastrophic thinking is going crazy. It's helpful to not just sweep it under the rug, even if I hate it in the moment. That's coming from someone with a few years of therapy and a degree in mental health though 🤷🏼‍♀️ so my self-awareness and willingness to change are likely in a different place than your husband's. If he doesn't want to change, nothing in the world will make him.