Posted in Mental Health, For Moms

Not enjoying motherhood most of the time☹️

Anonymous

I am lucky that my son was always a very easy going child, but ever since my daughter was born 2 years ago, I really do not enjoy being a mom. She is an extremely challenging toddler to say the least, I reached out to child therapists and her pediatrician out of concern several times. She bangs her head violently on the floor probably 10 times a day because she snaps if she doesn’t immediately get what she wants. I’ve tried positive reinforcement, comforting her, ignoring it, nothing works. And my both kids fight nonstop bc she is just so difficult. I spent 75% of my day yelling, and on the verge of tears. My SO works 9 am to 9 pm so I never have help, and on weekends he says he needs a break and I just never get one. Family is far away and all of my friends have their own families and life to handle. I want to enjoy this time as I know so well that it goes by quickly, and everyday I start off with gratitude and I’m happy and it just quickly goes down hill. Not sure what anyone can say to help, but I need to vent!

  • Greg
    Mar 04

    Nobodies replied yet, maybe because they don’t have all of the exact answers to your question like i don’t have those answers for you... but i really wanna help you feel better about the situation your going thru, because no parent should feel depressed or not enjoy motherhood, For the number 1 I can say right off the bat that you would have to be an amazing mother that your child gets that angry when she doesn’t get what’s she wants, that means you provide her wit everything that’s needed and wanted; secondly, I have a 4 year old daughter and 1 year old son, that is the most intelligent little girl I have seen, because she pushes me to my limit and makes me just want to fly to another planet every day, because she so smart and so independent, she challenges everything, she pokes holes in theories, she will actually debate with me about rules, she screams at me, she’ll stand in the corner and bang her head on the wall for attention as well and I’ve tried every approach, to ignoring it, be affectionate, talkin very calmly, but nothing works... you honestly really need some free time to yourself and to relax, and don’t let anyone try to manipulate u into thinking your a bad mom for saying so, as well as maybe some play dates with other parents and kids so u can have some conversation and free ya mind, and she’ll be with the other kids still in sight but not in direct contact with u, jus runnin around playin.... i don’t wanna ramble on so ima stop right here but i jus wanna let u know that you are strong and it will get better for u, never feel afraid to vent and let it out cuz u are never alone... it takes a village

  • Anonymous
    Mar 04

    Thanks so much, I appreciate you taking the time to respond! It’s true, it really does take a village! I may have to ask for help from friends more.

  • Kieli
    Mar 04

    I think Greg is 100% correct. Motherhood is not always rainbows and butterflies.... I feel kids were born to test the rules and your boundaries. This is what shapes them as they get older. I can guarantee that if you asked a mom, or even a friend without kids that you need some help just a break that they will be willing to help you out. We are all just human, we are going to get knocked down and then need a break from time to time. I understand about your SO working and not helping, I only have 1 girl right now and my husband is too tired after work to help me out as well. It makes it so much harder and more frustrating. I would definitely try and ask a friend, or your husband to watch them for an evening so you can sit in bed and watch Netflix, or take a bath, or just drive around and get your head straight. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope it gets better 💞

  • Anonymous
    Mar 04

    Thanks, Sometimes I feel like the only person I know with a less than helpful spouse. He helps me with dishes and will bring home dinner some nights, but I just need a break sometimes just like he needs a break from his job. Good advice too!

  • Kieli
    Mar 04

    Yes, being a parent you don’t get a 10 min break, lunch break, or vacation time. Our jobs are 24/7. I feel like part of it is my fault, because I let him get away with it when she was little and he said he was scared to do things with her. You are doing a great job, just remember that!

  • Anonymous
    Mar 04

    Wow.... you are doing lots. I would suggest you discuss with your husband about giving you a short break during the week and few hours during the weekend. He can play with the kids, go to park or a walk. I know how hard it is to be without family to help out; which more reason for your husband to do his share. Ya he works; but these are his children and they can surely use his attention and bonding time with dad.

  • Sabrina
    Mar 04

    I’ve been there!

  • Sabrina
    Mar 04

    That is my 3 year old and 2 year old right now. My 5 year old was my easy child and when my 3 year old was 1 1/2 years old, he would bang his head on the floor out of pure frustration because he couldn’t communicate. Kids can pick up on your vibes and yelling only causes them to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you or else if they mess up, you might yell. They are still figuring out the world and it is scary to them. They just want to know that no matter what “everything will be okay” and it will. They look to you for stability and peace. I know its crazy but meet some friends, stay outside longer (outside and animals helps calm my headbanger). It may be a sensory issue with the head banging. You can do this! If you don’t have the strength then pray and ask God to give it to you.