Posted in Family Planning, Multiple Children

Only child regrets?

Anonymous

We currently only have one son (3.5 years old). My husband and I are also both only children, but I REALLY want a second kid before it's too late (we are both 36). My husband doesn't feel that need and said he was perfectly fine as an only child, whereas I remember desperately wanting a sibling. But then I wonder if it's worth a shot because of our age, and increase risk of having a kid with autism or another disability. Money is tight for us which is my husband's number one reason for not really wanting a second one. I also know as an only kid my parents were able to afford a lot more things for me than if I had a sibling. For example, just looking at the costs of summer camps when he's older. If it's just him, he could do these really cool ones that are $400+/week, but if there's a second kid, then that pretty much takes it out of the equation. So I guess my questions are: 1. Others that were only children, do you wish you had a sibling, or were you happy as an only child? (Alternatively, if you had siblings, do you wish you were only child) 2. Parents who only have one kid, do you wish you had a second? 3. Am I overthinking the financial aspect or just being smart?

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Feb 01

    I had three siblings and I would never wish of being an only child. My mother always tells me a story of when I was born (I was the oldest), of her mother in law (my grandma) coming in to see me with tears in her eyes and begging my mom to have more because my grandma was an only child and it was very lonely for her. I don’t think that expensive camps are a great argument for not having another child. I think that if you and your husband don’t want another one because of the work or basic financial costs, that is reasonable. But I cannot imagine as a sibling (and I had to pay my way or split with my parents many of the costs of sporting events, even used my sweet 16 gifts to pay for my own party), wanting those things over my siblings. They are my best friends, my forever friends, my best memories. Everything.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 01

    There are so many pros and cons to both! My grandma was an only, my dad was an only, I'm half an only. I have a half brother ( same mom) who is 8 years older than me, so I basically had a sibling when I was too young to remember, then he had moved out by the time I was 10, so I definitely experienced both. We didn't have much in common, and honestly if he hadn't gotten married and had kids of his own I dont think we would talk much. My parents were always frugal so they never signed me up for camps, I didn't go to preschool, and the only vacations we took were to see people and we stayed with them for free! Pros: I got whatever I wanted, I could always have friends over, my friends were like my sisters, I didn't have anyone to compete with or be compared to. I learned to entertain myself/enjoyed being by myself. When my Dad died I didn't have to fight with siblings over who got what-which can be a huge problem in families. Cons: (most of these come as an adult.)All of my friends cherish their siblings, don't think they feel the same about me. I didn't have anyone to compete with, so I never became competitive. When my dad died I didn't have any sibling to really help me cope/ help with responsibilities. I was left caring for my sick grandma, I had to handle all the finances, all her decisions, all on my own, with no one to talk to. Now aside from my children (I have 2) I am my only living relative from that side of my family. It's lonely. My kids will only have 2 half cousins who are a lot older than them. I'll also throw in my husband has a 4 year gap between him and his sister and they aren't close either so it could go either way.

  • Cheryl
    Feb 02

    All I know for sure is I wouldn’t trade my 3 siblings for anything. And I have never met a single person in a large family that regretted it. Two kids isn’t a large family per se, but bringing more love into your life and the lives of your child and husband is never a bad idea. Unless you will be impoverished with a second child, I say go for it. But of course, my opinion doesn’t matter in the end. If you want a second child, make your case with your husband. If you find his reasons for not wanting a second good enough, then don’t do it. I believe if you truly wanted another one, then anything you would have to sacrifice for that would seem small in comparison to that.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 02

    My daughter just has a special needs sibling. Not what I wanted for her as I always wanted a big family. Any advice on raising a happy well adjusted only child ?

  • Crystal
    Feb 04

    I had a sibling and was kind of the only child. My brother was 15 years older than me. Yes I wish I had a sibling closer to my age but being an adult i realize all the things my mom and I were able to do was because I was the only child in the house. I have two children now 10 year apart and I’m glad I waited that long because I couldn’t imagine having them closer in age. Also finances play a big part we have a bigger family so that means bigger expenses all around. If you plan on having another child also have a plan on where you will get extra money from.

  • Lily
    Feb 06

    I loved having a sister growing up, I always wanted my mom to have three but she only wanted two. My husband and I want a bunch of kids, we are having number two in july. I say have another one! Your kid will love the friend, and you will have having a little time to yourself while they are happy playing

  • Anonymous
    Feb 14

    The age gap between the kids will mean they have little in common. I don’t think that the summer camp worry is unrealistic. You’ll be working like a dog to pay for $4000 summer care for 2 kids. If you want to go on vacation that’s 4 airline tickets. The financial side of another kid is nothing to ignore. Also, if you’re older and god forbid you have a child with special-needs, that’s potentially a lifetime commitment.

  • Mrs. HHH
    Aug 13

    I have a sibling. We are not close. I have an only child. He’s solo by choice- we don’t want more. Sometimes I wish he had a sibling so they can entertain each other but financially it would hurt us and also since I’m not close with my brother, that factors in as well. I hold other babies and sometimes I get a twinge of remorse for not trying again but I like it just the 3 of us. It’s such a hard decision and I completely understand where you’re coming from!! Some only children wish they had a sibling and some don’t. It just depends on that child’s character and personality.