Posted in Child Care, Time Management

Part-time mom: learning to delegate

Anonymous

I’ve been a full-time mother, caring for my 2 year old and 11 month old, but am now trying to make my way into some part-time or/ and freelance work. However, I barely get any time to prepare for this scenario- polish up my CV, contact old peers, look for some refresher training etc, because of my current full-time ‘job’. We employed a ‘nanny- housekeeper’- though cleaner-babysitter is a more accurate title- who mostly cleans/ does washing and sits with one of the kids whilst I feed or put the other one to nap. She works with us on an hourly basis. Her English is very limited, so our communication is a struggle. She’s the best we were able to find for five months of searching and trialing more qualified people; she’s hard working, kind and affectionate with the children. She’s been with us for three month. She’s great with my youngest, but struggles to manage my spirited toddler. In fact, I’m the only one able to change toddler’s diaper, clothes, put her to bed and I also cook (from scratch) all her meals. I also make all the baby’s food too, and EBF. At the weekend, my husband gets my toddler in the morning- my 11 month old wakes 3-5 times a night so am pretty exhausted- but when I get up, I’m always the one who then has to change the toddler’s diaper, clothes, brush her hair... my husband would have tried, but isn’t able to manage her refusal. When I’ve taken as little as an hour and a half off, usually at the weekend when both the sitter and my husband are with the babies, I have come home to chaos: toddler hasn’t napped and is having a meltdown, the baby is hungry as the nanny didn’t see the food I’d set aside... and my husband gets very stressed, and takes it out on me. He calls me in an angry huff, and is grumpy with me (and the sitter). He has anxiety issues and often over worries/ reacts to the kids fussing or crying, which again, I catch the brunt of. I feel very trapped. I’ve tried to delegate, and have written both children’s routines and put them up on the wall(for husband and sitter). I’ve included what kinds of snacks they may have, and always set food aside, and assign their clothes for the day. I hate micromanaging, but even with my attempt to do that, I’m failing to efficiently delegate. What else can I do?

  • Laura
    Oct 30

    Seems like there are multiple fronts where you can start chipping away at being the sole person responsible. Can your husband make the baby's food? At 11 months I'd think they're eating what you're eating. Does it all have to be from scratch? Also an 11 month old waking up that much seems like a lot. Have you considered sleep training? And are you considering weaning off of breastfeeding soon? Not sure how to handle your husband's stress and anxiety but lowering your standards can be helpful. He's not going to do everything just like you do. Maybe start a new nanny search and separate the job from cleaning so you get someone who's actually good with your toddler.

  • Anonymous
    Nov 02

    Thanks Laura. My husband is a lovely father who is playful and protective in equal measures, but he does not see himself as contributing to any household duties. He made steaks and steamed veg for us last Sunday, which was a delight, but a first this year! I’m not sure how to not cook from scratch. I’m freezing more food for baby. We didn’t find a nanny we liked, after months of searching with an agency, hence settling for the lady working for us now. We have an appointment to see a sleep trainer for my son, so I’m really hoping we tackle that issue very soon! Thank you for your thoughts, and I’d love to hear any more you might have.