Possible ADHD & Kicked Out of Preschool #3
Hi everyone - seeking advice and resources to help us navigate a complex but unfortunately common situation. Apologies for the long post, we just received this information today, and I'm still trying to figure out next steps, so if you have a kid with ADHD and have had issues with support (lack thereof), please keep reading and offer any advice you may have! Our son is 4.5. He started traditional preschool at 2 and has had trouble with impulsivity and non-compliance. We were asked to leave two schools prior to choosing his current school. We were encouraged to get an evaluation by an occupational therapist and we were told he was a "sensory seeker" and began weekly OT while he attended an in-home daycare, where he did well for the most part. Thinking of kindergarten coming up, we wanted him to have a good year of classroom experience and ended up choosing this school because of its reputation–started 10 years ago as a special needs program that later implemented a traditional preschool program positioned to understand the needs of every child of any ability. That was promising, and we were told they had options for behavioral issues should they arise. He started full-time in September, and those issues did arise, and here we are being asked to leave his 3rd preschool because "we just don't have the resources to give your son what he needs." Third time we've heard it. A few weeks ago, they did offer a resource, which was a formal psych evaluation from their school psychologist ("free") and a part-time 1:1 teacher at the hefty price of $1,600/mo in addition to regular tuition which is $900. We balked at the idea of suddenly dropping $2,500/mo for a service without evidence-based outcomes. They said they'd offer it through Thanksgiving due to their unclear communication. Two weeks ago, he was doing "so great" with the 1:1 and there were no incidents. We had a meeting today to discuss what we thought would be the data they collected over the last few weeks with his 1:1 and to address the need for the service moving forward. Nope, blindsided. We have two weeks. Parents have complained (new information as of today). We don't have the evaluation back from the psychologist. There may be a diagnosis. There may not be one (we should find out this week). He has an assessment with the state on 12/18 and he'd have to be deemed 25% delayed in any one of the developmental categories (auditory, visual, touch, movement, body position, oral, attention, behavioral, social-emotional) to qualify for an IEP, in which case he'd be provided some services at no cost to us. His current school is calling the state to try to expedite the process, and while I appreciate their help, I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I don't know where to turn. My son isn't violent. He doesn't want to hurt his friends and as far as I'm aware, he isn't actually hurting anyone (bop on the head, shove, etc. although I know not ideal behavior). He struggles in the one-size-fits-all classroom. We realize he's different and needs additional support. We see similar issues with impulsivity at home and it seems like classic symptoms of ADHD. We get that there's a concern with safety and we understand that the school has an obligation to keep all the kids safe. We also see (and are told) how smart he is. We're told he's the smartest kid in his class intellectually. He grasps concepts quickly and learns everything he possibly can about them. He's bright, curious, caring, inquisitive, stubborn, strong-willed and 100% his own little person. But he's already showing signs of low self-esteem (avoiding activities he thinks he won't be good at), likely due to his trouble with attention and focus. He struggles to control his impulses. If this continues, he'll fall behind, and I fear he won't qualify for an IEP, and we'll be left to sort all of this out on our own at his expense. It's heartbreaking. His dad and I are LOST. We know we're not alone but we certainly feel that way at the moment. I'd appreciate hearing from anyone with a similar experience or anyone who can offer guidance. Thanks in advance!