Posted in Marriage & Partnership, Mental Health

Potty training

  • Anonymous
    Feb 02

    It's not his fault he has depression and is not being selfish. Finding a good therapist is hard and actually took me years to find anyone that was worth it. You can start suggesting lifestyle changes that may impact his health whether it be nutritional or environmental. Little things like that show you are willing to support him and if they make a positive impact, can give him hope that therapy or medications will help. Be aware that some medications can make it much, much worse though.

  • Kate
    Feb 03

    I’m sorry you’re both going through this. As someone who lives with depression and anxiety, I know just how miserable it can be to be around me when I’m going through one of these phases. 🙂 A couple of suggestions based on what’s worked for me (so take this with a grain of salt, of course): - Have an honest, calm and compassionate chat with him. Tell him you’re noticing it’s different this time - it’s lingering more, his sadness or apathy runs deeper this time around. Whenever I slip into a depressive state, it’s helped to have my husband look at me and say, “I see you’re not yourself right now.” Kind of knocks me out of my own mindset and makes me realize it’s big enough that I’m affecting him, too. - Help him eat well. “Clean” eating affects me hugely - if I’ve been eating a ton a crap, I usually feel like crap. - Be active/get outdoors with him. Go on a walk, a hike, whatever - being out in nature helps lift the heaviness of depression, even if it’s only temporary. And if you can’t get outside right now due to weather, try to get him to work out indoors and boost those endorphins. - Don’t let him isolate himself too much. Yes, we all need alone time, but I will happily isolate myself when depressed. Balance (don’t ignore) his need for alone time, but also encourage him to come out on family outings or require him to help out with tasks/activities around the house. - Self-care for you. It’s not easy living with someone who’s depressed. Make sure you’re taking time for yourself so you’re not too drained or frustrated by the experience. I agree with the poster above that finding a therapist sucks. It’s like dating, but worse. You have 2, 3 sessions with someone, then you may realize you’re not a good match and have to start all over, opening up again, going over your mental health history again. Ugh. That said, I do believe that we are still responsible for managing our own mental health and emotions, especially when we’re in a relationship with someone else. It’s not fair to my partner for me check out of life for a few months while I’m struggling. It’s up to me to recognize that, hey, it’s happening again, so I need to get my lifestyle in check, go back on medication if needed, check in with my therapist, etc. Long post, I hope some of it helps.