Anonymous

Pros and cons of having kids birthdays be close together?

My son is already going on 26 months... my husband has just finally made his mind up that he really does want a baby #2. I want to start trying soon so he and baby #2 won’t be too far apart in age. But my husband wants to wait another 4 months minimum. His only reasoning is because if we are successful in the first try (like last time) the kids would have birthdays within weeks of each other. He didn’t really have good support on why that’s such an issue so I won that discussion and we will be trying next month (missed the window this cycle already). I’m just worried that we might have trouble this go around and the age gap will just get bigger and bigger. I can see a con being that my birthday is in November, thanksgiving the week after, then my husband’s birthday is in December along with the holidays, and our son’s birthday is early Jan. Baby #2 could be in December or January at the earliest. Hectic couple of months but is that something I’m going to be pulling my hair out over? Are the kids going to have issues with each other? I tried to do a pros and cons list in my mind and all I see is - pro - have one big party to celebrate everyone’s birthday at once (save money on rentals). Con - hectic holiday months (but could be a pro by getting it all over with at once with a big celebration). So is it better to try asap so the kids aren’t too far apart but risk having birthdays super close together? Or better to wait... age gap won’t be as big of an issue than having birthdays close together?

  • Anonymous
    Feb 21

    I feel you on the excitement of starting for #2! My husband wasn’t sure, I was ready to go after my son was 18 months. By the time my husband was ready and we went back to RE, the timing meant there was a big chance baby would share Birthday with my husband. Birthdays are a big deal on his side of family, so he wasn’t excited at that, but after struggling to conceive, it really didn’t matter. I’m now 8 months pregnant and baby due on April 14, about a couple of weeks from my husband’s birthday, and does he care, nope! I know you were talking about sibling birthdays, but in the end, as someone else mentioned, it doesn’t really matter, just focus on making each actual birthday day special for that person. In our family you are king/Queen for the day! Also you have no control over timing really, either conceiving, or actual delivery, they come when they are ready for the most part. Good luck and definitely enjoy #1 before all the split and sharing time begins 😊

  • anonymous mom
    Feb 21

    I always loved having my birthday close to a cousin and also my mom. Later in life I also am separated by three days for a nephew, a week for another nephew, and my daughters birthday is ~10 days after mine and falls right on my SILs birthday. It is what it is, but for me I always felt like, “the more the merrier.” Also I know a lot of people who got preggo on the first try with their first and then took months or years of trying for number 2. I vote for try as soon as you’re both ready and hope for the best. Life and pregnancy is such a blessing and if my husband ever agrees on a second child (99.9% unlikely he will), I’ll literally start trying the second he says yes:)

  • Ashly
    Feb 21

    My two little ones have birthdays 3 weeks apart. We do something special just for them on their birthday and do a joint party for family and friends in between.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 21

    @Ashly, that’s an awesome idea! Thank you! @Julie, that’s what I’m afraid of that we won’t be so lucky like the first time. I know so many people who struggle with fertility so even though our son was planned, he also caught us by surprise by how fast everything happened. It just felt like conception issues were sooo common. He also came 2 weeks early when my OB and everyone said that it looked like he was going to be late 😂 Ok so it seems like the bottom line is.. go for it since you never know what will happen. But if the birthdays are close to make sure they each get their own special day. Thank you everyone!

  • Alondra
    Feb 21

    I think that you can do a big celebration to celebrate the birthdays together but just do something special for the birthday boy on their day. Take them out to eat or to play something like that. My husband and I don’t plan on doing a birthday party every year for the kids but we plan on taking them to the zoo or the aquarium something to let them know it’s a special day

  • Cathy
    Feb 21

    I think it is special to share a birthday with a parent. Especially once we are gone. It’s definitely not cool for siblings to share one. You’ve already waited this long to have a second, what’s a couple of more months so they won’t share a birthday.

  • Kelley
    Feb 21

    My daughters are 2 years apart and their birthdays are 5/22 and 5/23. (My 2nd daughter was 4 weeks early.) We do a joint party for them. Each gets their own cake and we sing Happy birthday to them individually. On their birthday I do something special for them to celebrate them individually. It works for us right now. If they choose later on that they want individual parties , they will each have a smaller party. So far they would rather have 1 big party.

  • Jessica
    Feb 21

    Honestly one big party, two big parties, if you want another baby then do the darn thing 😂 planning birthday celebrations around having children puts too much importance on parties and gifts. Just enjoy your life and stop second guessing yourself Mama ❤️😘

  • Kerry
    Feb 21

    My brothers bdays are 19th and 20th feb with 7 years in between the two. They’ve not had any problems having bdays close together.

  • Erica
    Feb 22

    You know it doesn't REALLY matter right? Think about all the multiples out there. They share their actual birth day and many enjoy that. Sure, it's important to do something individual for each child and depending on circumstances, some parents do, some don't. But maybe give a little more control to your body and a little more rest in your mind? Bringing a new being into the world is a complicated enough journey as is.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 22

    How I see it is.... IF you are lucky enough and blessed enough to CHOOSE when you conceive then why not PICK a good time for everyone in your family. What’s waiting a few months?

  • Anonymous
    Feb 22

    Any time is a good time for my family. I don’t see an issue with having everyone’s birthdays close together. My husband DID. He no longer does and he is all for trying asap. He didn’t have any good reasons on why we should wait. I gave it some thought and the holidays being around the same time was the only reason I could come up with so I figured I’d get more insight from those that may have experience in having kids with birthdays close to one another and if it was a big issue. I hope I’m as lucky as I was the first time but like everyone said.. you just never know and you can’t plan these things. The age gap is more of a big deal in my mind.. even a few months can turn into a year if issues come up. I wish my husband didn’t take this long to make up his mind but that was important to me that he was on board 100%. My issue with the age gap is that my family has constantly warned me that the bigger the age gap the more issues the kids will have with each other. I know I know that that isn’t always true. But it’s just something that’s always been on my mind regardless of what I hear and people say.

  • Ivy
    Feb 23

    My husband and I did not wait to try for number 2, because of my long history of unsuccessful pregnancy/miscarriages. Our boys ended being 19 months apart with the 2nd kid’s birthday on our family’s annual Christmas celebration. My sister and I are 11 months apart. And we ALWAYS shared birthdays! I might be the odd one out here’s, but to be honest, I never understood why birthdays were so “territorial”— and that’s because my family never made it that way for us. At the end of it all, it pretty much won’t matter— especially if you guys as a family, don’t treat traditions as such. If you happen to have people in your family with close birthdays, you make it what it is and enjoy it either way :) it’s honestly less stressful and more authentic/enjoyable to focus on family by allowing celebration instead of expectation/entitlement. Family planning is great and all, but don’t over think it too much, unless you just really want to? Im sure you will figure out what’s worth it and what’s meaningful for your family. On a similar note, my birthday and wedding anniversary are a day apart, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s so much easier and less stressful when we celebrate it together. I also always choose to go on vacay with my husband and use that as a excuse to avoid extended family throwing something unnecessary for me. In the past, I have accepted family watching my kids as my birthday gift while hubby and I enjoy a nice vacay. The options are nice 👍

  • Kelligrace
    Feb 24

    Pros: cost can be cut down by having 2 birthdays in 1. Con: reality is kids don't want to share a birthday so it's not cost effective

  • Jess
    Feb 24

    My two siblings and I all have our birthdays within 3 weeks of one another (happy birthday dad!). I never felt slighted or anything on my birthday. My sister and I shared parties for years. My brother is 5/8 years younger than the two of us, so he did get his own party. Our family parties were always one party with one cake. We just sang everybody’s names. My husband’s birthday falls right in the middle of that 3-week span. It has been an adjustment for him to share his birthday. So my opinion is, if it’s all they ever really know, it doesn’t matter. If your older child is old enough to remember solo parties, it’ll be an adjustment. My mom’s birthday is in December, and she does complain about not getting presents for her birthday since she usually just gets holiday presents. So if you can plan for the birthdays to not be around the holidays, that would probably be appreciated by the kid in the long run.

  • Trac
    Feb 28

    Just have separate birthday party! One this weekend, one next weekend end. When they are old one huge party for all or one fun trip together to celebrate. In the long run it will be easier!

  • Anonymous
    Mar 20

    Apparently I'm only fertile one month out of the year...I will soon have three boys all born in April. The cool part is their "Golden B-day" will land in the same year. One will be 21; the other 18. We just have to wait and see if the next one is born on the 14th too! Regardless I promised them it would be the party of a lifetime!! HeeHee