Anonymous

Rant: pissed at spouse over holidays

Every year my husband and I have a battle royale over the holidays. We spend Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with his family. The problem every year is that he doesn’t like my family’s Christmas Eve traditions. This includes, going to a relative’s around 5. Santa comes around 7 or 8. Then we go to my parents to open their gifts to grandkids. This has been our tradition at least 30 years. It is now hard with littles who go to bed at 7. However, all my siblings grinned and beared it with their kids. This year I gave in and told my mom we would come over early in the day, then go to the relative’s and head home afterwards. Of course, now my husband thinks we should go to our church service from 8 to 9. I would live that, but... 1.) this seems utterly hypocritical!!! 2.) Not sure things at my relatives will end in time 3.) I feel traditions are important and should not be totally changed to suit my husband’s preference each year. Bottom line, I am not going to tell my mom it is too late to go to her house but go somewhere else, even if it is church. Obviously church is important but if it is just an issue of attending church, we could go with my mom on Christmas Eve at 4. So sick of arguing over our plans every single year. Does this seem unreasonable to anyone else? Do you all have similar arguments?

  • Holly Garnett-Pedreira
    Dec 23, 2018

    Tell him absolutely not! Christmas eve is your time to spend with your family. If he wants to suggest church he can put it on the schedule for christmas day when it's his family time.

  • Holly Garnett-Pedreira
    Dec 24, 2018

    Can you put the kids to bed at your relatives?

  • Anonymous
    Dec 24, 2018

    we live about 10 min away so it doesn’t make a lot of sense. It is just aggravating that I have made the rest of my family change things to make him happy and he is still mad because I won’t agree to substitute in church instead of going to see my family

  • Anonymous
    Dec 24, 2018

    Update, the day was horrible and I would not be surprised if 2019 brings a divorce. My husband took my son to church against my wishes and I lost track of how many times he cussed me out. I snapped and said really terrible things but how much can one person take?

  • MommyDear
    Dec 24, 2018

    Why don’t you take the kids to your family gathering and he takes the kids to his family gathering? As for church, if it’s important to both of you then you all go as a family otherwise, he can go himself and the kids if they want to or if you’re ok with it. Compromise can be a hard thing and we don’t always get to have it either way but keep the kids in mind and whatever to do, remember that you’re doing it for the kids sake more than anything.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 25, 2018

    There are many things wrong in this post. 1. For starters, I am a mom and grandmother ; 2. I never believed in dragging kids around on Christmas. Everyone came to my house on Christmas Eve for food and fellowship, then left. They arrived after we attended the children’s Christmas service at 4 pm; 3. Maybe your husband doesn’t feel comfortable with your family, respect that, you and the children are now his family. 4. He cursed you out and went to church...hypocritical. We go to our sons house now on Christmas Day, but I cook and bake all the food. All the bleary eyed parents appreciate this. They don’t lift a finger. I even bring papergoods, etc. afterall, Christmas is love. Bottom line, have people from his and your family come to your house, Christmas Eve and spend Christmas day with your husband and kids. Develop your traditions , don’t force old traditions.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 25, 2018

    THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I just had a huge argument with my fiancé last night over this, as we do every year. I’m so sick & tired of his selfish ways. Our thing is he doesn’t like family gatherings period. Not from mine or his. Gets pissed that my family comes over our place every year & I have the audacity to stay & converse with them instead of being with him in our room. I definitely see a break up in the future as well, if he doesn’t cut his controlling selfish crap.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 25, 2018

    My husband did not make it an issue until we were married so it prob won’t improve unless you figure out his issue

  • Rebecca
    Dec 25, 2018

    I suggest talking about the holidays early in the year and making compromises when they aren’t upon you. Before we had kids, I talked to my husband about what I wanted Holidays to look like for our kids. That meant not going anywhere on Christmas Day and going to church on a Christmas Eve. He doesn’t go to church which is fine but he makes sure that we go. He drove us the year I gave birth four days before Christmas and took the baby to my parent’s house to care for her while I attended church with my oldest (8 didn’t want my 4 day old around all the germs). He hates that I do matching Christmas PJs but wears them all day on Christmas with the rest of us. I try to find PJs he will wear. I hate doing his family’s White Elephant but help him gather the presents for it. We work as a team and that is the important part.

  • Samantha
    Dec 25, 2018

    Maybe compromise by doing one year your way and then another his way? It’s worked for us when we have both of our families close by but not close enough to do both in two days. We would devote one Christmas to my family, and then the next year to his family. That way you don’t have to argue every year about what traditions you will or will not do? I agree he sounds hypocritical and frustrating and I don’t know the whole story obviously, but getting a divorce over this seems like a bad idea. It will just make things more complicated and frustrating for you both.

  • Cassandra
    Dec 25, 2018

    Christmas Eve is going to church with my parents and then back to my parents’ for dinner and presents. My three year old ends up going to bed a little late. Then Christmas morning is our time and we have his parents come at 10:30 and they stay through dinner. His parents are a couple hours away and don’t usually get a tree or decorate so they like coming to us. Plus we do the cooking and they spend time with our son who they don’t see that often. My son sees my parents every weekday and they live super close so they don’t mind giving Christmas Day to my parents. They get Christmas Eve. My sister ends up doing Christmas Day with her boyfriends parents and sometimes invites my parents too. I think if you are leaving early from your family because it’s too late for your kids, taking them church is kind of hypocritical. Especially since the entire next day is for his family. I think your feelings are right. If he’s missing Christmas Eve service at church, maybe next year plan to switch and do his family Christmas Eve and yours Christmas Day.

  • Jennifer
    Dec 26

    I think one night a year is ok for kids to go to bed late and traditions should be kept