Anonymous

SAHM Issues

I’m at SAHM mom and I know I should be grateful but these last few days I’m mostly just annoyed and tired. My son is 10 months old and some nights he sleeps great others not so much. My spouse leaves home around 6am and is back around 5pm so it’s a long day. Some days I seem to have a hold on things but the days where I don’t omg it’s horrible. My son does well when we leave the house but after not sleeping who has the energy to leave home? Furthermore I’m here from NY and have no help. No grandma to drop him off at or any support system whatsoever. My husbands family are not to be trusted with my child either so it’s literally always one of us around the clock. He’s tired from work...I’m tired from the baby 🤦🏾‍♀️ I just really have no idea what to do.

  • Laurie
    Nov 12

    Being a SAHM is not all sunshine and rainbows. You still are caring for a baby all while doing household duties even when your husband comes home. You can’t just hand the baby off and say “here, your turn” because he too even wants a break from work and wants to relax, but even taking a bath to relax while baby sleeps, taking a nap when the baby does, or even spending a weekend out of the house with your husband and baby will help. You have to talk to your husband and let him know that any hour to yourself is helpful for your mental health. My boyfriend didn’t see it til later how stressed I was, he would take the baby to the corner store with him while I just laid in bed watching tv, little time alone can be a simple recharge. You are not alone mama! It does get easier

  • Anonymous
    Nov 12

    Thank you so much for reading and responding. It helps knowing I’m not alone.

  • Anonymous
    Nov 13

    I’m with you Momma. You’re not alone. Where are you living currently? Are there Moms groups that you could join? Local libraries to take baby to story time? Even finding one acquaintance that you can connect with is a tremendous help to your mental load because there are always things you’ll tell a girlfriend and not your partner. Parks with trails that you could go on walks with baby - this was my biggest savior because even though I was tired I could clear my mind, get fresh air and baby could either nap or watch the scenery. I agree with above post that you need to communicate with your partner about both of your needs and how to find some balance in your life (baby vs. personal time).

  • Anonymous
    Nov 13

    I’m currently in Miramar. I haven’t figured out how to go about finding a mommy group but that’s a good idea. Every Monday I say I’m going to story time but I’m so tired 😫 My neighbor keeps asking me to stop by because her son is a few months older and idk why I never do. I think I might have some social anxiety. I’m gonna see where I can find a park with a trail. Thank you so much!

  • Destin
    Nov 13

    I 100% know and understand exactly what you’re going through! I’m going through the same thing!! My husband is gone for work all day just like yours and I’m at home alone all day. It’s stressful and exhausting, and at times very lonely. With it being winter time and ridiculously cold outside, going out for fresh air is out of the question! I do try to take a few minutes to myself each day, but more often than not I just push myself through. I’m looking for a solution myself....my doctor suggested taking 30 mins to myself each day...I’m trying to find a hobby or something I can do for myself at least once a week...I think that could help tremendously and give me something for myself to look forward to. I just wanted to let you know that you are most definitely not alone!! I struggle with the same thing daily! I love my daughter with my whole heart, but sometimes a mama needs a little “me time” 🙂 good luck to you!

  • Jennie
    Nov 13

    Look for a MOPS group. That's where I found my best mom support. Everyone there has kids under 5 so they get it. You can show up in leggings and a mom bun, no judgment. I know it's hard to get out, but it's really important.

  • Anonymous
    Nov 13

    Thank you for your kind words and support Jennie!

  • Sara
    Nov 13

    You can check out daycares that provide "drop-in" care (winnie.com/childcare and then select the drop-in filter) This can give you a break sometimes when you need it without being a big expense or commitment. You need a break too!

  • Angie
    Nov 14

    We all understand your exhaustion and utmost desire for alone time to just rest. Yes, i would suggest looking into the drop in centers. It would be helpful to if your partner could step up and help with baby from 5-6:30 for one hour so you can prepare dinner. Just switching your brain from childcare to food prep for that hour can help. Tell him to take baby to park, go for walk, give bath...something so that you are literally child free. Maybe he can help with bedtime routine too. I am a single mom since day 1 so what has worked for me is my community. Find a couple of moms nearby or friends you know with a child your age and do childcare swaps centered between nap times. That way you get a few hours to yourself and your child has a playmate.

  • Jennifer
    Nov 14

    I go to the gym. My local gym is great they have child care with a big play area & an indoor play structure. I get 2 hours of childcare in the am and pm!!The gym will help you decompress. I do the classes at mine. Anything from Zumba to yoga some places have saunas! The gym I go to has an indoor heated pool too and sometimes both me & my LO would swim. I wish you well!!

  • Sara
    Nov 14

    Just a heads up, MOPS has a religious background and when I searched all my nearby locations when I first became a mom they were all at churches. If you’re cool with that, go for it! Some moms try using the Meetup or Peanut apps to find stay at home moms in their area too. Hope it works out for you! Hang in there!

  • Anonymous
    Nov 14

    Angie When my husband comes through the door he’s either washing nipples or holding the baby. I in turn am preparing dinner for us. Bath time is always on him. He’s 10months and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve bathed him. He bathes I put him down to sleep while he hands me all the necessities.....onesie...new binky and bottle! Idk why I’m having a hard time finding moms in my area I find it hard to connect with other moms idk why.

  • Anonymous
    Nov 14

    Sara I checked the website and you’re absolutely right. I see all of mine are at churches too. I would def prefer a non religious affiliation. So thank you so much!

  • Cathy
    Nov 14

    Join a Moms Club. It will give you support and things to do! momsclub.org

  • Penelope
    Dec 02

    I work and take care of the baby all the time. I went from one cup of coffee a day to four. And I literally do everything from pick up to drop off to cleaning and shopping. I also worked graveyard and now I do swings. And my kid is still up till 3am sometime later. I usually don’t sleep more than two or three hours and sometimes not at all. And my baby daddy comes home maybe ever couple days and I have to take care of his mess as well. And do all work too. Life’s hard. But if you have to do it, you’ll make it happen. I had four jobs after she was born and I stayed home the other three days and nights. Just don’t forget you’re the mom, and without you everything would fall apart. Women rock. We’re the glue, and the life force. It’s hard. And it’s lonely. Sometimes it’s overwhelming and you jusy want to give up, but it’s only the first five years. Hahaha jk but really you’ll find your way and you’ll always do whatever you have to do. Because moms freaking rock! Keep your head up and don’t forget this time isn’t going to last forever. And you’ll miss it one day too.

  • Penelope
    Dec 02

    P.S. stay at homes moms that keep a clean house and do all the cooking etc, work the equivalency of two and a half full time jobs. Once again, women rock!