Anonymous

SAHM of 3 under 3, introvert, needs a break

I’m a SAHM with 5 month old twins and an almost 3 year old. I’m an introvert and need time alone to rejuvenate. I haven’t had time alone for so long yet I feel so alone in life. I used to have a career I worked really hard for, including 2 graduate degrees, and had an office where I worked on paperwork alone much of the day. I remember I used to feel lonely but now I miss that so much. I don’t miss the work but I miss being alone. I left my career for many reasons when my son was 1, partially because I wanted to be with him and felt I’d be a better mom...but I feel I’m worse now because I don’t get a break ever. Lately once I get one or two kids asleep for naps during the day then the third wakes up. It’s not like I expect to nap or a long time to myself but I have a lot I need to get done and also just need space. I just need a half an hour or something where no one needs me. My husband is supportive of me and needing time alone but honestly it’s hard because when he gets home from work I have to pump then we make dinner then eat and then dishes and putting the kids to bed. Before I know it, it’s 9pm and I have to pump again before going to bed. I really don’t want to go out and do anything because I don’t feel I have friends anymore since I had twins for some reason and it’s MN so it’s freaking cold out. Also I don’t know where I’d go or what I’d do. I can go downstairs sometimes but can still hear everything upstairs even with music on. We move in a month and at least there I will have more space to escape there but then we’ll have less time because it’s further from his work. I just feel so trapped and overwhelmed. Even when my MIL comes to help once in a while it’s hard because I still don’t have time to myself. It’s almost worse. It’s not an option to go back to work because I don’t want to go back to that career and even if I did I could never make the $4,000 a month that we’d need to cover daycare for my 3 under 3. I’m not sure why I’m posting, just need to vent and maybe know if I’m not the only one feeling this way.

  • Lindsey
    Feb 12

    Oh boy am I in the same boat, but with a little older kids. And I am such an introvert too. I honestly sometimes just go to target and walk around. I get an hour or two at night which really helps, maybe you could ask your husband to give you an hour a night and you put head phones in and listen to a podcast(I recommend dr.death or dirty john😁) in a room away from the kids. It is also so hard in the winter I totally relate I’m in MI. Once the weather gets nice you could go for walks, or I run so I go for a nice long run. I’m so sorry you feel like this it is such a challenging time it will get better, I promise❤️

  • Anonymous
    Feb 12

    Honestly I’d stop pumping. If getting that time back makes you happier do it

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Feb 12

    Wow! I feel like I have a lot in common with you - except the twins! I am a total introvert, and I at one point had 3 almost under three, and in August I will have four under age 5. I am a stay at home mom with a graduate degree in nuclear engineering and a professional engineering license. Let me just say, you are in the thick of it right now. My youngest (now 14 months old) has come into her own and plays with her siblings and I find some mental space for me. But at 5 months, that isn’t possible. I would say, if you don’t utilize it. The tv for an hour is worth it so you can be a more fulfilled mom. I picked up some technical writing volunteer work, and when my youngest is napping, I put on my oldest two’s favorite show and get some me time in. I agree that if pumping is holding you back, I would drop it, or find a set up and way to do work. When I worked with my oldest, I used to pump in a private room while working to save time. 5 months is super tough. And two of them...your just really in a tight corner right now. Hang in there. I totally feel you and wish I could help!

  • Cathy
    Feb 12

    I am so glad you shared this. I have a couple of things for you - have you Googled a MOMS Club in your area? It stands for Moms-offering-Moms-Support. They are an international organization. There should be a chapter in your area. If not, there should be one close by, or even, you could start one for your area. MOMS Clubs are wonderful - all different walks of life - and support. Mine has a babysitting co-op, and we make meal trains for each other in life transitions. We have playgroups (more for the Moms) at someone’s house once a week. I know you mentioned that you’re an introvert BUT - being around other people in the same situation has its benefits. Does your husband work on weekends? Could you use that time to get out? The other thing I want to suggest is investing in one of those pumps that is cordless. It allows for you to do what you need to do and sits in your bra and pumps. They usually aren’t covered by insurance but it sounds like it maybe something worth looking into. The last thing I have to suggest is possibly putting your oldest in a part time preschool. While this doesn’t give you your alone time it does give you less on your plate to juggle for a bit. Look into local church groups - they tend to have better financial rates. Thinking of you ❤️

  • Anonymous
    Feb 12

    Thank you everyone so far, I really appreciate your support. The pumping is annoying, I won't lie. I do it 7x a day for 22 min each time to make enough for my twins. I'd quit but I'd feel so guilty if I didn't do it, especially since I breastfed my singleton for 21 months and I haven't been able to breastfeed my twins but have found pumping to work out besides being stressful being attached to a pump when they all seem to need me at once every time I pump. I also can't imagine how expensive it'd be to have formula for twins! We'll see though, always something I could consider. I have considered a hands free cordless pump but I have to massage my breasts the whole time I pump or I get clogs and also seem to need the hospital grade one in order to get enough milk so I don't think it'd work out sadly. Good idea though. My husband doesn't work weekends so usually he does give me a break but with moving in less than a month we are dedicating our weekends to packing. I just keep telling myself that in less than a month we'll be moved and once we're unpacked, at least partially, things will slow down again and we'll have more room and I can get more breaks I hope. Just a little rough until then. My husband did actually give me a break tonight though which was great. He even put the babies to bed and is working on putting the older one to bed. I have checked into the MOMS club in my city. Sadly it isn't very active, nothing has been planned since August and even then it was just here and there for the past 2 years. Disappointing. The good thing is the city we're moving to next month has a very active MOMS club I'll likely join. I'm also part of a MoMs Club (Mothers of Multiples) but sadly the home base for it is about 30 minutes away so I don't make it to the meetings or playdates yet. Maybe someday. I have enrolled my oldest in half day preschool 2x a week in the fall. I'm really excited about it because I think he'll love it and it's really close to our new house. We were in ECFE last school year which he loved but this school year with the twins being born in Sept. we haven't been enrolled in anything (partially to keep germs at bay and yet one twin still ended up in the hospital for 5 days with RSV last month!) Thank you all for your support and reassuring me that I'm in the thick of it now and things will get better. I really appreciate it!

  • A
    Feb 12

    Know you are not alone! I had all those same feeling when my twins were little - I still have those feelings occasionally. My twins are almost 3! Lol I’m an introvert as well and honestly I tried the moms clubs ... and I just felt awkward. But, I know a lot of people who those clubs have really helped. Maybe worth a shot, look for a local twins club🤷‍♀️ The things that helped me the most were, the YMCA. They have daycare there. My twins go there for 1-2hrs while I work out, shower in peace ... maybe even get a cup of coffee. It doesn’t have to be the YMCA but check out any local rec center type places. I use to workout a lot pre kid and I think getting some alone time pause getting back to something that made me happy before helped. The other thing that helps me is just getting out of the house. I know just going to to grocery store feels like a marathon with littles but it helps me to just get out in the sunshine - and do something!! Kudos to you for still pumping!! I only made it 3 months with my twins. Somebody else mentioned stopping - I stopped for partially my sanity, partially because I just never made enough milk for both of them. So, I eventually decided it wasn’t worth it. It may be worth considering if it will save your sanity. But I know that is hugely personal. And as people have said - if you could get ou on the weekends or whenever your husband is home. I have honestly, will go to Target at 8pm after my hubby gets home just to kind of decompress. Anyway, Hang in there. ❤️❤️

  • K
    Feb 12

    The struggle is real! There are many of us out here, feeling the same. I have a son, who just turned 4 this past Monday and twin girls that are 15 months. I’m an elementary teacher and will return to work after taking a 2 year leave in September. It can begin to feel like groundhogs day after awhile, especially in winter!! One thing that helped me is putting my son in a pre-k program. He went 2 mornings a week last spring when he just turned 3. He now goes all 5 mornings. That gives me at least a little alone time during the girls morning nap. It will get better. One of the things that gets me is the amount of cooking involved. Cooking and cleaning 3 meals a day gets to me. I do have to say that I need to stop over controlling and when the weekends come leave my husband to do breakfast so I can go to the bathroom and take a hot shower without little people barging in!!

  • Anonymous
    Feb 12

    All of you moms are so amazing ,I have 1 kid who is 3 now and I am finding it very difficult to manage. I am an introvert and feel so lonely .

  • Lynn
    Feb 12

    2 under 2. They are 4 and 2.3 years now and I’m also a SAHM. There’s a couple of things you can do that might help. Join a gym that has childcare, so you can workout, shower, sleep in your car. lol Indoor playspaces where the kid/s can play and you can have tons of coffee and something to eat. Kid oriented cafes that have play area with childcare. Hire someone to watch the kids while you get out and do something completely not kid or family related. And everyone needs a break. You’re not a robot. Also part time preschool or a friend with kids and do a babysitting exchange.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 12

    Could you hire a sitter to take the kids somewhere out of the house so you could just blah around the house alone? Or have the sitter stay home and you go to a movie? I used to check my toddler into church kids bible club just so I could sit in a pew and not even listen to the pastor! I just wanted to be alone and zone out lol I’m not even pious... Sending strength and support your way... this job is so hard y’all

  • Elle
    Mar 01

    Could you guys swing an au pair if you resumed a career? (Doesn't have to be thr same one as before) Another option is a nanny/babysitter part of the day, foe a few hours here and there.