Posted in Family Planning, Marriage & Partnership, Relationships

Second kid

Anonymous

My boyfriend and I recently had our first kid together (he has one with his ex-wife) and we have talked about having our coming kids close in age so we want to start trying once our son turns 1. Well I’ve done some thinking and I know I should have thought about this before having my first, but I would like to wait til we’re married before we have any more. I want the family last name, I want to feel apart of their lives since they all have the same name, but he says he wants me to propose! I told him I wouldn’t, that it’s not normal, and I don’t see how he could propose to his ex, but not me. Am I over thinking it? Am I being childish in not wanting to have anymore kids at the moment? We haven’t talked about marriage much and I even told him I wasn’t pushing it for it to happen, but I was just wanting us to be committed by law, so I can feel like a complete family.

  • Ashlee
    Mar 01

    I don’t think you’re over thinking it at all . If anything, I agree with you 100% . I’m in a similar situation . Me & my boyfriend have a 1 year old daughter together & he wants more (so do I) but I told him we’re not having anymore until we’re married & understands . This is something we went over when we were expecting our daughter & I think a little before too . But it’s never too late to tell him . I think he would understand where you’re coming from . Best of luck !

  • Anonymous
    Mar 01

    Did you ask him why he doesn’t want to propose to you? Did his ex-wife hurt him in anyway where he wants to see someone else make the first move to commitment rather than him? Talk about marriage more with him and see if you can get on the same page.

  • Elle
    Mar 01

    Sounds like you guys have some more questions to ask each other, like the above commenter suggests.

  • Anonymous
    Mar 01

    Sounds like you have a lot to talk about. What does he think about marriage? More kids? I’m a firm believer that proposals only should happen after all parties have discussed marriage and all that it means. No one should be surprised during a proposal. But also, once you are on the same page, I see no harm in you proposing. Maybe he wants you to because he wants it to be different than his first marriage. Or is really saying you should start these convos when you’re ready

  • Sabrina
    Mar 04

    I think he needs to know your honest expectations about the future of your relationship. Don’t tell him he can just be your husband by law if you are wanting something more intimate. Write down everything you expect and stand by it. It’s a way for you to communicate what you want.