Separating after baby comes

Husband and I are pregnant with baby #2 and have a very volatile relationship. Neither of us are happy and have tried counseling, etc to try to make it work. Baby #2 was a surprise and we had previously agreed to separate before we found out I was pregnant. Long story short, after baby comes we will be splitting and co-parenting. We have decided this on good terms, no anger or hostility just sadness. I am feeling very anxious about being a “single mom” but also don’t want my children to see their mom and dad miserable trying to make a marriage work that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Just looking for input if anyone has been through something similar, how do you stay strong for the kids and for yourself? What support system did you use? (I have no family nearby at all unfortunately) any words of encouragement would be helpful! The baby comes in 7 weeks and I know things are going to change drastically for my family in the months coming up.

  • Jenn
    Jan 05, 2019

    It sounds like you are being strong for your kids and yourself by doing what you know is right for your mental and emotional health. Know that you are a strong person. Do you have friends in the area? You should see if there is a Moms Club or a moms support group near you.

  • Diane
    Jan 05, 2019

    I haven't been through this but wanted to give you support and say it sounds like you and your husband will be a better team apart than together. In this case, drastic change will make life better. You may find it easier because you won't be drained by dealing with your husband and can focus all your energy on your kids and yourself. You may even get more breaks as a single mom than if you stayed married when the dad has the kids. And "family" comes in different shapes- your family network may be built in unexpected places- an older woman at your workplace or a neighbor who may be more than willing to help out a young mother- don't be shy about asking for help. Maybe there are support groups in your church or local Y. And make sure you take care of yourself- eat well, sleep when you can and I know it's easier said than done but try not to dwell on your loss but rather your blessings of two beautiful children. You can do this- one day at a time. Look at all the people on this site- they are reading this and I'm sure cheering for you. I am!

  • Anonymous
    Jan 07, 2019

    I have a friend who did exactly this. It has been much better for their kids to co-parent but not be together. They live really close to each other to make the logistics easy. It will be hard in the beginning but just know you're doing the best thing for yourself and your kids.

  • Sandra
    Feb 01, 2019

    Before I got pregnant my babies father and I were having issues, I was going to break up with him,then I found out I was pregnant and tried to make it work for about 3 months before realizing that I did not want to be with him.I knew that for your kids you have to be okay for them to be okay,it will be hard at first because you’re going to need help,and since you will be separated,it’s going to be tough, you have to just take it day by day and always remember that you and your children are better off, it will be hard before it gets better.Be prepared for when the baby comes, stress of a new baby,sleep deprivation etc can hit you all at once so try to simplify your life as much as possible, Have the Uber eats,Amazon apps downloaded don’t try to be super mom,Meditate during Hot showers. Try essential oils to help calm your nerves.There is also an app called “Peanut” you should check out. It lets you speak to other moms around your area whom you can seek advice from.