Separation because of parents
My wife and I never really fight except for things our parents do. We have a 1 year old daughter and since she is the only grandchild in both sets of families and will 99.9% chance be the only one we have a more unusual family dynamic. Over the past several months/year since the birth of our daughter, I’ve struggled with my in-laws and sister-in-law likely due to me not being as used to having family so nearby. My in-laws are near us 6 months out of the year and we see them 3-4 times a week. My sister-in-law was 6-7 hours away by car, but now found a new job about an hour from us so she could be closer to our daughter. I continue to struggle with the idea of spending so much time with my in-laws and soon my sister-law. I truly value family and the importance for our daughter to be surrounded by such loving people, but I also value my time with my wife and daughter. The more and more I think about the current and upcoming changes makes me more and more concerned. Here's the problem: A couple of weeks ago I upset my wife by saying isn’t it sort of sad to think that if we were separated your family would be fine since they have you and the baby. I actually somewhat believe it since I truly don’t think I’m missed by anyone when I’m gone. I was gone for two back-to-back business trips over two weeks and only home for the weekend and I guarantee my in-laws loved every second staying at our house for those two weeks. I said what I said since my parents are past retirement age and starting to look for a new home due their current home having way to many stairs. They live over an hour away from us today and we don’t over see them maybe 6 times a year due to how hard it is for them to drive, etc. I guess they may have said in passing to my wife and in-laws that one area they were thinking about was a town only a few miles from us. I jokingly said to my wife that I guess what they said probably freaked her and my in laws out (while my parents and in-laws get a long I think thugs have changed a little since the birth of our daughter). So I told her that it’s sad to think that any issues we have stem from issues we have with each other’s families and how life might be easier if we were separated although it’s such a farce to even say. While we got over my mistake and poor choice of words, I see how we will continue to have issues with our parents and I will likely struggle even more with the ongoing proximity of my in-laws and sister-in-law. I’m going to see if I can take a step back and find a way to be at peace that my future will now be the closeness with my in-laws and sister-in-law that I guess I never expected. I won’t go into more detail, but I can just say that my in-laws and sister-in-law overwhelmed me with the baby since they can’t get enough of her and I don’t know my place when I am around them as I want to respect them and give them their time, but I don’t feel they respect me or give me my time. I know it's weird to say since the daughter lives with us, but it's more about the time I have with my wife and baby and not just with them, etc. They also crowd the baby and everything she does is seen as amazing which it is, but sometimes I feel she is performing. For example: Meals: when she eats we are so excited to see her try new things, but sometimes in my opinion narrating every bite or every sip of water gets to be a bit much while I think letting her eat like a normal baby/person might be healthier for her than to be treated like a performer. Playing: I also understand wanting to be playing with her our holding her all the time, but I also think sometimes giving space and letting her have sometime by herself or with people but not always entertaining her is good. Not ignoring her, but letting her explore toys, letting her choose what to do or play with, etc. In the end, I struggle with what the future will look like with way more in-laws and sister-in-law time and less time for me and my wife with our daughter. I would love to hear coping strategies, self-help books, what role you think I should play when they are around? Let them have their time or play and be normal, etc. I know I should establish boundaries, but I don’t think my wife thinks anything is wrong with the amount of time we see my in-laws or will see my sister-in-law as she sees all this as normal and positive. Thanks for any advice.