Anonymous

Sex advice

My husband is a wonderful Dad. He works full time, goes to school and helps around the house. He’s really awesome. We are currently trying to have a second child and to be honest - I do not find my husband physically attractive in a sexy way. I know that I should - for all that he does - but when I look at him in a sexy way - it just doesn’t do anything for me. I’m also a SAHM and am so so exhausted. Yesterday I was going from 5:30am-10:30pm - how in the world do I have sex when I feel like I’m going to collapse into bed?

  • Anonymous
    Aug 22

    I'm in the same boat. I very rarely have the energy (or time) to do anything at night, especially on a day he's at work and I'm with the monster by myself. I try to fit something in on weekend mornings (when he doesn't work). At that time, I actually have some energy to give & I don't have to worry about what needs to get done before the end of the day. I also don't find my husband sexy right now but I don't find anyone else sexy either so it's me, not him. I don't have much advice for that one bc it could be a multitude of things. I personally just go through the motions and it works fine for the time being.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 23

    I’m sort of happy other moms feel like this. I sometimes think about it during the day, like “oh yeah tonight after the kids go to bed it’s on.” But by the time my husband gets home I’m so burnt out ... I don’t even want to be touched. Idk ... I wish it was different but...

  • Kieli
    Aug 25

    Maybe start slow. Don’t just try to jump into sex, intimacy can be a number of things. At night after everything’s done maybe try cuddling, holding hands, massages. Then work up to more sexual things. By the end of my day I am exhausted too, and don’t at all feel like being sexual. Hormones are a crazy thing, or even just being exhausted can make you feel this way. It will probably pass with time

  • B
    Aug 28

    I totally get this! I was in the same boat after having both my kids. In my case I found that I was so “touched out” by the end of the day that sex just honestly felt like one more physical thing someone needed from me. It helped to back things way up and start really slow, like just stroking my back or touching just for the sake of being together without it leading to sex. Once I got to the point of enjoying that touching just for the sake of intimacy we worked out way up from there. This is SO NORMAL and it’s baffling it’s not talked about more often. You’ll get there!

  • Anonymous
    Aug 29

    There’s a great book called “The Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex.” It is all about just what you’re talking about and gives helpful (research based) strategies.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 29

    Thankful to see all these other too exhausted for sex moms as well! It’s so tough. Hang in there. My fiancé and i’s main argument is the lack of sex but I’m SO TIRED. I feel awful that he doesn’t feel loved in that way but it’s so hard!

  • Anonymous
    Aug 29

    Same boat here too!! Being a SAHM and having someone crawling all over you all day long is exhausting. I don’t want to be bothered at the end of the day. When baby goes to bed, I just want to sit there in peace. I don’t think about sex ever except that I feel bad for my husband that we aren’t having it. My friend recently told me to ask my husband to take the lead one night a week...ie make dinner, clean up, put baby to bed etc in order to give me a break and maybe that will help give me some time to relax and may be more turned on

  • Anonymous
    Aug 29

    It helps me to have a conversation first, preferably not about the baby. I have to connect emotionally before I can connect physically.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 29

    “My friend recently told me to ask my husband to take the lead one night a week...ie make dinner, clean up, put baby to bed etc in order to give me a break...” 1) If your husband is home, why isn’t he helping out with all of these thing every night? 2) why is the burden on you to ask? He’s a grown man who should be perfectly capable of taking it upon himself to step up and do his part without being prompted. All that said, my partner jumps in as soon as she gets home, helps a lot, and I still don’t want to have sex. I just want quiet, to be alone, maybe read for ten minutes uninterrupted...but I def don’t want anymore cuddles, let alone sex.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 29

    You can always seek professional help. Your gynecologist or general doctor can help. Or you can make a better effort. Put it in the calendar and that day take it easier. Maybe don’t clean as much or take a nap. Do your nails, make up, order take out..etc and make it a purpose to rekindle with your husband. It’s very important for you both.