Amy

Should I move in with my son’s father?

I’m currently living with his mom. I had to move unexpectedly and this was really my only option. My son’s father and I have been on and off for a while now. He wasn’t very consistent in our son’s life until a few months ago. He does pay child support but I’ve kept it at a low amount to not make it hard on him. (He also pays for 2 other children) anyway, we recently agreed to work on a relationship again. That lasted for about 2 weeks. We had already paid application fees and are ready to find out if we are getting this apartment. He still wants to live together and have separate rooms. I do not want to live with someone I’m not building a life with. (Right?!) His mom also thinks that we should still move in together. It is the easiest way for the both of us at the moment. It makes sense, financially. Our son will also have both of his parents’ living in one home. I think that is the most important and it makes a difference in a child’s life. I just don’t know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.

  • Anonymous
    Sep 06

    If you guys are living in separate rooms, you could think about it like a roommate. You’re not necessarily building a life together, you’re just living with each other because it’s convenient financially. But as far as having kids involved in the relationship... you don’t want to bring them into a home where there will be a lot of fighting. In any relationship there will be fighting... but is it healthy fighting where there is resolution in the end and respect for both parties?? Yes it’s important to have both parents in a child’s life but it’s more important for the child to see that the parents have a healthy relationship. Whether it be separated or together in one household... it needs to be healthy. So the question for you is, can you live harmoniously under the same roof as your son’s father as roommates? Personally, I wouldn’t move in. But then I don’t know the details of your relationship and why it didn’t work out... and if you have any other options as far as living situation. You could always try it out for a year and then back out of the lease 🤷🏻‍♀️ but just keep in mind what is healthy for your son and yourself to help make the decision. If you’re distressed all the time under the same roof as your son’s father, your son will pick it up and be distressed as well. Kids are very perceptive.

  • Olivia
    Sep 07

    Will there be arguements if you move in together? Do you want /care about dating at this time? If it is likely that there will be fighting then dont do it. If you want to be dating, I wouldn't do it either. If loving together is the best way to go about this financially, then do it. But if there is any chance he wont be on time with Bill's, then dont.

  • Myrtle
    Tuesday

    Wow that’s a tough situation! Do you think there’s a high chance your relationship will succeed if you live together? If not, it might be more traumatizing for your son to move in with his dad and then have to later move out. Agree with the above posts about fighting as well.

  • Anthony
    Thursday

    Sounds like a recipe for disaster, IMO. The most important thing for your son is that you and his father have a healthy coparenting relationship. You don't need to live together to do it. My parents broke up shortly after I was born. So they living apart and their own lives (outside of being coparents) is all I knew growing up. Outside a few disagreements over the years, they were good in maintaining a great partnership and I turned out fine. I feel like living together, but not actually being together can cause too much confusion not just for him, but for you as well.

  • Beverly Vantine
    Thursday

    If finances were a huge concern, and I thought it better than living with my mom, then yes I'd do it. BUTTTTT.... I would suggest that you both get a piece of paper and write out expectations so you can come to an agreement. Because if you're not building life together, you should both still be able to date or have some social life on the weekend. So before moving in, figure out how you're going ot handle these situations. How will he act if you bring someone home? How will you act if he does? Is this an issue for the kid (i don't have an answer to that; has to be case by case based on how the kid handles things in general).

  • Brooke
    Thursday

    Honestly I think it depends on the people and the situation around why you broke up in the first place. Is there any hard feelings? Is someone still in love? Are you guys civil around each other? Unless you're like friends now, I don't see it being a great idea just because your son will be there and in the middle of anything that would happen but if there's no hard feelings I don't see it being an issue. Just sit down with each other and talk about your expectations

  • Anonymous
    Friday

    Wow that’s tricky. Is he respectful? I think that is a HUGE factor in the sense that he is a man, men have needs & he is single. So naturally he would have the freedom of bringing home girls whether is he one night stands or dates. That’s what men do when they’re single & living on their own. But since his child will be living with him, will he be respectful & understanding that (nothing at all to do with you) he cannot bring girls home because of his kid? If you guys are clear on that then the other stuff should be easy to do as two understanding adults.