Anonymous

Should I Stick With Daycare?

Hi Everyone. My daughter who is 7 months started daycare 1 week ago. Understandably, my husband and I are having a tough time adjusting. When we drop her off in the mornings, she seems fine but by the time we pick her up she looks like a deer in headlights-it's like she looks right through me! She is crawling and super alert/observant, so we are wondering if daycare at this age is too overstimulating for her. At nights, she just has not been herself. Also, she picked up a cold her first week at daycare-which we were already warned about. I am just beside myself with worry that she is in daycare too early, and it is not a good fit for her to the point where I constantly have a pit in my stomach. And the daycare itself is wonderful, the teachers are very nice and it is clean (and expensive!). It would be pretty tight, but my husband and I could probably swing me taking a bit of time from work, although I have a career I love. Has anyone else dealt with something similar and feeling this torn? Thank you so much!

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15

    Awwww poor mama :( i would give it more time if you can bare! It’s a hard transition for everyone involved!!! I’d revisit after a month if you’re not feeling better. I called on my lunch every day for the first few weeks and got to talk to his teacher which made me feel SO much better. Maybe you can do the same? Adjustments are so hard but I’m sure she will be ok with time ❤️

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15

    Also- I talked to my boss and am able to swing 30 hours vs 40 and that made me feel SO much better.... I work 9-3 now and that gives me breakfast with him and lots of extra time in the late afternoon/evening. Could you work something out with your job even just for a few months? Work extra hours from home etc? Worth a shot for your sanity!

  • Jenn
    Oct 15

    Give it more time. My LO started at 4 months and she is doing wonderfully (she is 17 months now). Your LO is adjusting to all the noises and different environment, which means she probably isn't napping as well during the way, making night harder too. She will adjust and learn to sleep there too. It took my LO a couple weeks. Also, she may get extra colds now, but her immune system will build and she won't be as sick when she is older. My LO is almost never sick, maybe a cold here and there, but my husband and I get sick all the time haha. The best part of daycare to me is the socialization. My LO talks about her daycare classmates all the time. She loves seeing them and playing with them. She also learns so much at school and comes home with new words. So keep those positives in mind because you will see them soon!

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Oct 15

    I agree. I recommend giving it more time or finding some flexibility. Well, and consider where you really want to be. If you guys can swing you staying home for a little while, and you want to be home with her until She’s 1 or whatever, then you should do that regardless of how she’s doing. However, if you love your job and could risk losing it and want/need that income in the long run, I think you’ll see she’ll be fine after she adjusts. It appears to me to be based much more on what you want to do with that time, babies /kids are very flexible as long as they are in a quality situation and doesn’t sound like that’s a concern at all. Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    Oct 16

    Thank you all so much for your support! I am going to look into working a more flexible schedule and try to have patience haha. She already seemed a little bit more comfortable with the daycare situation at pickup yesterday, so that was encouraging. We also are giving it a month and re-evaluating our situation so we will see how that goes. It's so nice to hear your experiences and advice, I feel less alone! :)

  • Jess
    Oct 16

    Hope it goes well and remember that it is probably harder on you than her 😀 it took our daughter 6 weeks to be super comfortable and now she gets so excited to go. We started her at 12 months and was an adjustment as all her classmates were older one year olds. Also... we went thru 2 months of constant colds, infections, etc. and didn’t seem like it would ever end. Each day will get better and better!

  • Christine
    Oct 17

    I felt very torn and quit my job. Best decision I ever made.

  • Christina
    Oct 17

    I also felt torn and quit my job for the time being—I now tutor from home. I don’t regret it. I think the hardest part is feeling (often imaginary) judgment and anxiety about your decision either way. What helped me decide was: which choice will I regret in 10 years? In 15 years?

  • Anonymous
    Oct 17

    Yea, that is a good point Christina. I've been thinking about the long term a lot. And that feeling of judgement is SO real!

  • anonymous mom
    Oct 17

    Yes. We did deal with this and it was so hard. I had to go back to work when my daughter was 12 weeks old and she immediately caught RSV and was sooo sick. Then when that calmed down it was cold after cold. Then it was just going to pick her up and she’d kid of look zoned out and I worried they weren’t doing much with her. The daycare was (is) super expensive and the teachers were great but I always felt bad. Then she started cruising and walking and eating regular food all the time and now she’s running and jumping and comes home with very elaborate stories about how this child does this and teacher dances like that and on and on and I’m so glad I’ve stayed the course. She does so much at daycare daily that I probably wouldn’t do but a couple times a week. They go on “nature walks” through the playground and find things that they bring inside and use to do crafts with (paint with leaves, glue bits of pinecone on paper, etc). They talk all the time and dance and run around. It’s so hard but I’d stay the course for now. Soon your baby will be a toddler and that’s when you really start to see the benefits of daycare kick in!! Good luck mama. The beginning is the hardest.

  • Jessica
    Oct 17

    Every mama has a different path and there is no right or wrong way. My advice is to trust your instincts. I have known some women who end up resenting their career and some who needed that time away. I quit my job at the prospect of only seeing my baby evenings and weekends. For me there is no incentive that beats the time with my baby. I have two little ones now and haven’t been back to work in 4 years. There is nothing more precious than time especially when it goes by so quickly. Your baby will only be a baby once and for a very short time. Work in some form will be there when you, your partner and your baby are ready (3 months from now or 3 years). Not everyone can afford to stay home but with the cost of daycare sometimes the monetary balance is not as burdensome as imagined. BTW I never ever thought I would be a SAHM but every instinct in me led me here and I wouldn’t change anything. The bond I have with my children is beyond the bond I had to my career. I just want to say the struggle is real and you are not alone.

  • Lizo
    Oct 17

    Go with your gut. I hated putting my daughter in daycare as an infant, but ultimately felt I needed to bear it in order to make ends meet. Our daughter was sick a lot her first year in daycare (so were we!) but the second year she didn’t catch every little thing.

  • Brittany
    Oct 18

    I just put my daughter in, she’s 18 months and last week was her first week alone, she is only part time 9AM-1PM 3 days a week but she’s extremely clingy. I don’t know how lenient/rules etc. of your daycare or your career but for the first 2 weeks the women who owns the daycare allowed me to bring her in for free, and also allowed me to stay, the entire time the first 2-3 days then each day afterwards I snuck out for 30 minutes then an hour and then an hour 1/2. My daycare owner told me that she did fine the whole time............until she started getting tired THEN she started looking around for me, noticed I was gone and cried the first couple days, walked around kind of just whining cry for another day or 2. She just had her first week alone and she did pretty well!!! The tiredness sets, looks around, no mommy and the whine cry begins, pacing around but my daycare owner has said it’s gradually getting better each day as in it’s not lasting as long, she’s now a bit more easily comforted by my daycare owner, the whine cry doesn’t last as long etc. As everything else, EVERYTHING...time and patience are most important. Easing our babies into these big or huge changes can be overwhelming, stressful, upsetting etc. FOR THE BOTH OF YOU/us!!! Don’t forget though easing yourself into these huge changes is also crucial!!!💔