Anonymous

Sibling and different childcare

I have a 2 YO and stayed at home with her until now. I am about to start a new job and also thinking about a potential sibling in the next two years. This time I won’t be able to stay at home and will only have 3 months of leave. I feel like this is not fair and I feel bad about this potential situation. Any experience?

  • anonymous mom
    Jan 16

    Try not to feel bad!! My daughter is 17 months old and has been in daycare since she was 12 weeks. It was ridiculously hard at first but she has thrived there!!! She has tons of friends (the whole “toddlers don’t play together” thing is not true!! She sits and plays dolls and ring around the rosy and all kinds of things with her little friends since she was 9 or 10 months old!! Her school does tons of arts and crafts and lesson plans. I’m sure she’d be doing great if I had been able to stay home but being in daycare from the start has a lot of advantages too.

  • Laura
    Jan 16

    It'll be different but not necessarily better or worse. If you have a high quality daycare it could be great for #2.

  • Jenn
    Jan 16

    My advice is the same as Julie. My LO has been in daycare since she was about 4 months. She is 8 months now and loves it. She has 2 other little girls in her class that are right around her same age (all within 2 weeks of each other) and they love sitting together and playing. The daycare does way more creative things with her than I do, so that is nice too.

  • Mindi
    Jan 16

    My daughter started daycare at 4mo. She is 9 now and she is still very close to 4 girls and 1 boy to this day. We get together several times a year. I enjoy the moms company as well.

  • Elle
    Jan 16

    Daycare is amazing. Baby has thrived there, made [adorable] litttle friends, ans has learned so so much!

  • Anonymous
    Jan 17

    Thank you for your comments! My LO is now going to daycare and she loves it! My only thing is that I cannot imagine putting #2 in daycare so young. I definitely raised her in a montessori approach that our daycare doesn’t follow which is ok now that she is older

  • Laura
    Jan 17

    What about a nanny or nanny-share while baby is small then? Or have family come for weeks. I personally wouldn't want to start daycare until baby is 6 months old.

  • anonymous mom
    Jan 17

    I would suggest that you take a stroll past the infant rooms at your daughters daycare and see what you see. Assuming they have windows open to the hallway, you can get a pretty good gauge of what kind of infant center they are just by peeking in. I toured a lot of centers and settled on ours because I “popped in” several times at different hours to see what was going on in the infant and toddlers rooms and was always happy by what I saw. Babies interacting, teachers loving and attentive...it was super sweet and nice and I could see that it was a good place.

  • Anonymous
    Jan 17

    The ratio of babies to adults in the infant room is 4 to 1. Let that sink in. 4 babies to one adult. Try to find a nanny/ nanny share/au pair. Babies need stimulation and 1:1 time. At 3 months no child is able to entertain themselves for long. They’re competing for the attention of 1-3 adults against 4-12 other babies. I’m not saying this to guilt trip anyone who has made this choice, but babies who are so young are self centered, they do not play or interact with other babies in a meaningful way. They need 1:1 attention from an adult.

  • Elle
    Jan 18

    Except that studies find that babies who went to day care are more well adjusted, resilient, and better behaved than their stay-at-home-kids counterparts.

  • Tiana
    Jan 18

    There are pros and cons to daycare. The most observable positive benefits are seen in children who are at risk or poor. As anonymous pointed out above, the ratio of adults to infants is extremely high. In the article I’m linking daycare in under 2’s does have some negative effects on kids. Anecdotally, I worked with infants for 2 years in a daycare environment, at a very high quality daycare, which the article points out, most daycares are not considered high quality. Based on my experience of struggling to meet the needs of the babies, I would wait as long as possible, make alternative arrangements at least until the child is over 1 year old. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201710/nonparental-daycare-what-the-research-tells-us%3famp

  • mary
    Jan 18

    Anecdotal, but my 18 month old is thriving in daycare. So many extras (today was when the guitar player comes in, also Spanish, a yoga teacher, etc), trained teachers who really know child development, it’s a great place. Lots more toys than I could afford. Ratio when she was an infant was 1 adult to 2 babies. And they aren’t cleaning house, fixing a meal, or playing on a computer.

  • Anonymous
    Jan 19

    For us, daycare was too expensive (2.5k/month) and had super long waiting lists. My 4m old is in a nanny share now and it's the best arrangement I can imagine. The other family has a 1 year old and surprisingly they are playing together. We interviewed the nanny and found someone who is truly incredible! Basically, for half the cost of daycare, I hired 1 person to be with 2 kids (and only one on the is a baby). And I don't have any gilt. it's a win-win. I highly recommend this type of arrangement

  • Anonymous
    Jan 19

    Very interesting to hear from your experiences. I am definitely thinking about the nanny share. It might just be challenging to find another family and the good nanny