Posted in Marriage & Partnership

Silent treatment?


Has anyone had their spouse or partner give them the silent treatment or cold shoulder? My husband often gives me the silent treatment/cold shoulder and I find myself so confused as I wish he’d tell me what exactly I did wrong instead of refusing to talk through a problem/situation. It’s so hurtful. He does it all the time. Has anyone gone through this? How do you get past it? How do you let it not effect you?

  • Anonymous
    Sep 01, 2019

    I do it to my husband some times... I know it’s childish and I’m really working on it. For the most part, my husband gives me my space. It gives me a chance to gather my thoughts on what I want to tell him and how I want to do it. Then at night when our son is asleep, he will be annoying and keep asking me “what’s wrong” every half hour until I explode and start talking. So does he eventually talk about it? Or does it eventually just go away on it’s own? Maybe when he isn’t mad, bring it up and just talk about how as a couple, you are constantly learning how to be with each other - love, fighting, living, being parents, etc. Fighting is part of a relationship and for a relationship to be healthy you need to have healthy arguments. Arguments require both parties to speak and say how they feel so that both parties can come to an understanding of what’s wrong and what can/can’t be changed. You can suggest couples counseling if he continues to refuse to talk. Your reasoning being that you want him to open up and if you can’t do it yourself, maybe a professional can help. I feel like most guys are afraid to go to couples counseling and it might get him to open up.

  • Anonymous
    Sep 02, 2019

    I do it to my husband and mine can last weeks; been more so after kiddo was born. Happens mostly if I have to tell him the same thing over and over again; seems he doesn’t listen and I’m done saying it again and again. Also happens when he says insensitive things and then totally “forgets” about it and doesn’t apologize.

  • Anonymous
    Sep 10, 2019

    This is such poor communication (or lack thereof). It hurts the other person and it,doesn't accomplish any reconciliation or other goal (other than retribution). Therapy can teach healthier and effective communications styles.

  • Aya
    Sep 18, 2019

    I do it to my husband often as well...even though I know it's childish and gets us nowhere. Mainly because it's a recurring theme, I know exactly why I'm angry, and I know exactly how he will react if I nag him again. I think the first step is for both of you to understand your communication style (ie - both you and him understanding when this happens) and at least for both to be aware of it when it happens. I also use this just to break things up and have something to break the ice/talk about.