Anonymous

Spark in marriage..

I miss the spark in my marriage. I don’t want to mess around with other people but I sometimes catch myself fantasizing about it or about past relationship sparks.. Am I normal? How do I rekindle it? Will I ever? I guess I feel like my spouse isn’t interested in being physical or showing he appreciates my body/sexiness.

  • E
    Feb 09

    Talk to your husband about it. That’s what I did and we fixed it. Also maybe go on a small vacation together?

  • Lily
    Feb 09

    Some advice I got was date your spouse! Go back to how it was when you were dating. Also, something that is really hard is you have to take the first step. You have to suck it up for awhile and don't expect anything back for a bit. You have to take the first steps. I think that is the hardest part. Good luck

  • E
    Feb 09

    Yeah I agree with Lily to take initiative and show him that you also appreciate his body. Men are very physical and like being touched even if it’s small like holding his hand. Like I’ll sometimes pat or squeeze my husband’s butt cheek and he thinks it’s funny 😅

  • Benjamin
    Feb 09

    Check out Monogamish. It's a TED talk. Good luck!

  • Amanda
    Feb 09

    My hubby and I have a running joke that I can't promise him the world but I can always grab his butt and buy him tacos. The spark comes and goes and I've found it's the little physical things like that that keep it alive. Whenever he grabs my butt I tell him he owes me a taco. We both get a smile from it. We also have started a tradition of taking vacations just the two of us. Sometimes that vacation is a single night alone in a hotel while the kids are with family. Sometimes it's a week away just us where we can remember what it means to be adults and be just us not mom and dad working around nap schedules. Like any flame you can build it up with time and effort you just have to find the right way to light the fire again because like a water heater sometimes the pilot lite goes out. It's dramatic when you realize it's happened but it's also fixable.

  • MsKhay
    Feb 10

    hi. It happens. How long have you been married? Maybe you can ask the 36 questions to fall in love on the couch? It’s hard. Stay strong!

  • Cathy
    Feb 11

    Isn’t it amazing what happens to your marriage after a baby? Totally rocked our world. We are just starting to get back to us and our son is 2. It’s so hard. Start small - go out for dinner together. Get a notebook and start writing a small daily note to each other about what you appreciate, value, are grateful for, dreams, your goals etc - we do this every single day. So even if we don’t get a chance to talk we have at least found a way to connect for the day. It’s usually a one sentence message to the other. Go out for coffee together. Hold hands. Heck, get a babysitter and just go grocery shopping together! Start somewhere. You’re not alone, marriage IS that much harder when kids are thrown into it. It just takes more thought and effort to be spontaneous!

  • Noemi
    Feb 11

    Before getting married our priest recommended a book called The Five Languages of Love. Knowing your spouse love language helps! Since I figured my husbands love language, it’s easier to keep the spark in our marriage. It doesn’t always have to be physical to feel rewarding.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 11

    I guess it’s normal, because I feel the same way. I have been missing my ex a lot, and wonder what it would be like to see him again. My husband and I have no spark whatsoever. He wasn’t interested in being physical with me all throughout my pregnancy and even a year afterwards. Now he is trying again, but I’ve realized I’m not interested now; but we don’t have date nights, and we don’t get to take mini vacations. We have no one to take care of our child. It’s hard, I dont even know if I’m in love anymore. I sure don’t feel it.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 12

    I think this is totally normal! I know I feel this way sometimes. I’m hoping it’s just a phase while the kids are little and we don’t have very much time for each other. We are also in therapy so I feel like that has helped us a little bit. Hang in there!