Posted in Family Life, Tough Topics

Threats from grandparents

Hello everyone. I just wanted to tell my whole story and get opinions from others. Please be nice. This is a tough time for me. I had my first son at 19 and we lived with my parents for about 5 years until I moved out, married my husband and now have two more children with him. My oldest is now 10 and we just moved back to the same state as them after living on the other side of the country for 3 years. My parents have tried to take over decision making for my oldest son. I also have a bi-polar brother that has been violent in the past and I dont want my kids around him. My parents dont like this and try to force me to bring my kids to hang out with him. The other night my oldest was spending the night at my parents house and my brother said he was showing up. I told my parents that I would drop everything to come and get my son just long enough for him to do what he needed and leave and then my son could go back in. They had already let my brother in before I got there 5 minutes later. I brought my son home because that was a line I could not have crossed. Because i brought my son home my father threatened to call dfacs because this was "mentally abusing" my child. All I want to do is keep my children safe. Am I wrong for this?

  • Anonymous
    Jul 24

    That's not mentally abusing your child. It's called keeping them safe from harm. Your parents are idiots and they can call all they want. Just remind them that the time and effort dfacs wastes in investigating this false mental abuse, they could have been helping another child who truly needs it and that blood is on their hands.

  • Amanda
    Jul 24

    It sounds like you're doing the right thing. My dad has bipolar disorder and mom has her own issues so I dont let my son around them. I'm always hearing other family members talk about how I'm a terrible person for keeping my son from his grandparents. 🙄 But moms have a special sense. Trust your instincts. Obviously there are reasons you dpnt want the kids around him. Also the fact that your father told you he would call dfacs is pretty horrible too.

  • Olivia
    Jul 24

    Trust your instincts and try not to beat yourself up. I'm guessing your dad is accustomed to getting his way and lashes out when he feels disrespected (valid or not) or cannot control the situation. I grew up in that household and the behavior didn't stop until I ignored the threats/manipulation and kept my daughter away from my parents for almost a year. I empathize and understand the pain and guilt you may be feeling. Based solely on the details you've provided, a call to protective services would be a wasted effort. The threat itself is ridiculous. If your brother was stable and reliably taking medication to regulate his disorder, the situation might be totally different. Unfortunately that responsibility falls on your brother and no one else. Your responsibility is to protect your children and it sounds like you've got it covered. Do whatever you can to keep from engaging with your parents as doing so will add fuel to their fire. You're making choices that are best for your own family. No one knows your kids better than you do. It's immensely hard to raise children in an emotionally secure environment after growing up with toxic parents. Don't forget to take care of yourself in addition to your kids. You're braver and stronger than you realize. You've got this.

  • Chelsea peck
    Jul 25

    I'm not a person who cries ever but that made me get a little choked up. You have no idea how much I needed yo hear that. Thank you. My brother, ibr been told, is taking his meds and becoming regular but he committed himself to a mental hospital last Thanksgiving and I wanted to wait until a year had past with no major incidents before reintroducing him into our lives. I've been pushed every day by my parents to not wait. I've bloked my parents for now to just try and have some peace.

  • K
    Jul 25

    You are in no way wrong. Doesn’t matter who they had over, if you feel uncomfortable it’s your right to take your child out of the situation. I know how sensitive family ties can be; I’m sorry that you have been threatened for making a choice as a mother. Sometimes the healthiest thing to do for everyone is take a break until the issues can be resolved without the kids involved. I hope your parents see that they just said that out of anger and apologize.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 08

    Oh nooo. I’m so sorry. I’d stop allowing any overnights and even day visits. Your parents cannot make decisions for your child. You’re the parent now, not them. I’d tell them that until they can respect your rules and boundaries they can’t have alone time with your kids. Also, please be careful about letting them make decisions for your child. The only incident where grandparents rights apply in court rulings is those where grandparents can show they have an existing bond and have been granted decision making power by the custodial parent. I’m not sure they’d take you to court over your child but I wanted to float that. Everything you’re describing is not ok. You’re a good mom for getting your son out of your brothers way. Good luck.