To close for comfort?
Our daughter turned 1 recently and she is the only grandchild in both sets of our family. So yes, it’s a bit overwhelming with both grandparents and both sisters who aren’t married and are turning 47 this year. Our daughter is so loved by all but sometimes it feels like she is “the family baby”... this annoys me a bit since I feel this way mainly because of the way my wife’s family treated our daughter and us. My in-laws live near us (within 2 miles) 6 months out of the year so we see them easily 3-4 times a week. My sister in law currently lives about 6 hours away at the beginning (after our daughter’s birth) she was around almost every weekend from Oct 2017 - end of Dec 2017. My parents live about 80 miles away one way and my Dad is 80 and Mom is mid-70’s. My sister lives 45 mins away. We have seen my parents maybe 6 times this year and my sister maybe 7 times this year. —- I raise this since you’ll begin to maybe see how I feel... About 2 months ago my sister in law tells us she is going to look for a job closer to us in Northern CA. Mainly so she can be closer to our daughter. She originally moved from FL to Southern CA to be closer to us since we were pregnant. — She was actively looking and ended up getting a job that begins In early January. So now my in-laws will be 2 Miles from us from June - Dec and my sister in law will be an hour away from us forever. Question / Issue I value family and know we are blessed to have loving family (grandparents, aunties) who just love our daughter and she will get to have fond memories of them all... However, my wife and I have struggled since the birth of our daughter likely because I like my space and I want to establish our new family (my wife, daughter & myself) beyond the extend family. I’m not used to being so close to family and definitely didn’t expect to be spending 3-4 times a week with my in-laws for 6 months out of a year (likely to change to permanent eventually right???) and now my sister in law who will be within an hour so likely spending at least 2-3 weekends a month. My family as a reminder again we have seen 6-7 times a year and they have lived their all their life. They recognize boundaries or the “limits” we give them but my wife’s family feels like an open ticket. I already can tell my sister will likely be upset that my sister in law is over so often and why not her since she has lived 45 mins away from us for the past 14 years... As my sister in law moves to the area and will spend more time with us I think my sister has a valid issue... the major difference is the mother vs father side of the family and treatment. My sister in law already posted that next Halloween she hopes to be tricking treating my her niece. — So I already know what we will be doing next Halloween! My main concern is that I likely will get 1 weekend (if I’m lucky) with me, my daughter, and wife a month which is just not what I expected when getting married over 14 years ago or having a family now just over a year ago. I’m truly struggling and concerned about what the long term future will now look like for the rest of our lives... My wife and I have already begun discussing my concerns but she downplays it and doesn’t think my sister in law will be around as much as I think... just like her parents thought I know that if we asked if they wanted to come everyday they would jump at the chance. My wife doesn’t agree but I know it’s true... for example they couldn’t wait for me to have two straight weeks of business travel (home for the weekend) since they moved in and had 100% time with the baby and to help my wife which is great. — however all the FaceTime chats were with my in-laws in the background... “how fun...” Not. At least my wife sent me a few Marco Polos through the app with just her and the baby... Sorry for rambling but I’m beginning to see how my life will literally be forever changed with the sister in law moving so close and already the in laws being so close etc... Again I know this issues is truly a non issue since it’s all about love to our daughter but I still also believe our family “unit” is what I also want which I now see floating away... Your thoughts?