After less than 5 years of marriage my wife decided that we couldn’t make the relationship work. She was unwilling to do couples counseling (every counselor I suggested she would turn down). She and the kids moved in with her sister about 7 months ago. Our oldest (now 5) is having a really hard time with this. We haven’t finalized the divorce yet and she met someone 3 months after moving out. She asked me if I would cause trouble because of her talking to/seeing someone, I agreed that our relationship was over and told her as long as the kids came first I wouldn’t cause any trouble. She received financial help from her mom for the first 6 months, as well as part of each of my checks (roughly what I would pay in child support). Now with that background. Her mom and sister think I should be going for full custody because they feel that she isn’t putting the kids first. She officially started dating the guy 1 month after they started talking. 2 months later she was thinking about moving in with him at the end of the school year (the 5 year old is in kindergarten). 3 months later she felt that moving in with him was a done deal if he was ok with it. She has known that I don’t feel comfortable with her rushing into a new relationship so fast. Because of how hard our oldest child is taking things already, and he’s already talking about wishing the boy friend was just go away (she says he hasn’t met the kids yet). She currently has no job, she only has the money I’m giving her and her mom is paying her rent and household bills still. She does have an interview coming up so that’s a good thing. I meet her every weekend to get the kids (her sister lives 4 hours away from where I live, still in the marital home). And she has made comments about getting her “weekends off” from the kids. She and our oldest child have had serious issues for the last several months since they moved out. Both she and our oldest child have started therapy and things have started getting better. I was going to take the advice of HER family and go for full custody, but as I’ve seen our oldest child’s behavior and relationship with mom improve I’m having second thoughts. I told her that if she is willing to give it until the end of the year to see if things will keep getting better I probably wouldn’t have as much of a problem letting things stay the way they are now with the custody arrangement. We’re supposed to talk today when she picks the kids up to go back home with her. She is apparently really angry about my attitude and I believe that it’s because her boyfriend isn’t welcome in her Mom’s house if we aren’t finished with the divorce (she keeps bringing that up and even tried to tell me she wouldn’t be welcome if we aren’t divorced, I checked, that’s not the case, it’s only the boyfriend that isn’t welcome). So now the question part. Am I overreacting? Should I want to see that the arrangement is stable enough for the kids before agreeing to it, or should I go based on the evidence I’ve seen so far and push for custody? I still want her to have visitation with our kids, I don’t want to take the kids away from her but I can’t be ok with the consistently unstable home life she is providing.