Anonymous

Trouble with in-laws

So tonight my husband went to his dads house to have dinner, i ended up staying home since i wasn’t feeling too great. I told him to take our daughter with him since I know my FIL loves to see her. So about an hour and a half they come back home and i ask him how dinner was. He says it was great! And that his grandma was there as well. He also mentioned that they gave our daughter those yogurt bites, which she is way too little to have!! She’s only 5.5mo and has just started out on purées. Told him that was a big no-no since 1. she can’t have it since she’s too little and 2. she’s super lactose intolerant. He apologized and said he didn’t know. Told him to just make sure he reads the packages next time and to make sure they never ever give her anything without our consent. Later on while I was putting my daughter down for bedtime I noticed something sticky on her paci. Thought to myself, that’s strange I wonder what it could be, maybe someone spilled something on it at dinner. Asked husband and come to find out his grandmother had dipped it in apple pie filling and shoved it in my LOs mouth!!!! I was super pissed to say the least, husband said he didn’t even notice until she did it a third time!!! He says i’m overreacting but I honestly don’t think I am. What should I even do about this situation? My daughter seems fine (thank god) but i know she can’t have that much sugar before she turns one and I have no idea what else was in the pie filling. Should I call our pediatrician or wait it out? I’m at a loss here. My husband and I have had arguments like this before, where something happens with our daughter when he’s with his family and I’m not around. He refuses to say no to them no matter what it is.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 11

    Yes! If it eases your mind take your baby to the pediatrician. You’re NOT overreacting. That’s your baby! That’s not okay at all. I started giving my son yogurt bites at 7 months old and the first time he had one he swallowed it whole. I freaked out but he was fine. Thankfully he didn’t like them because I’m still scared to give them to him, I mean granted he’ll be 9 months on the 27th but I just don’t feel safe giving them to him yet. People can judge all they want but in the end you’re just looking out for your munchkin and there’s no problem with that! I really hope your husband starts saying stuff to his family. I know it’s hard sometimes but he needs to protect his baby too! My in laws are nightmares for other reasons but my son has only seen them a handful of times.

  • Cristal
    Jun 11

    This stuff happens to me all the time and it drives me nuts! Don’t feed a baby that’s not yours!

  • Anonymous
    Jun 11

    I'm not sure why your baby would need to see a pediatrician just because they ate food, but if that will make you feel better than fine? That being said, yes, be angry. My dad took it upon himself once to feed my daughter at a family event and ended up giving her giant, crunchy piece of broccoli. I didn't find out until a minute or two later she started choking and pulled out a huge piece of broccoli. I maybe could see why they thought yogurt bites were okay, but applle pie filling is definitely a no.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 11

    This really would upset me and no matter how much I told them not to both in laws and my mom no one listened and my husband didn’t care so just another battle I lost. But if your husband isn’t on the same page with you and they don’t listen either you can say if they don’t follow your rules then no more spending time with baby unless you’re there but it’s hard for that to happen. But personally I do give my 4 month old some foods here and there and she’s completely fine, I know some say to wait till 6 months but you don’t necessarily need to stick to it and some people don’t , but you should let them know if you are.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 11

    I don’t think a pediatrician is needed to be seen personally.... maybe if she has a reaction? But looking back at myself at that time in my life I would totallllllly be pissed! But, now that it’s been a while since that phase in my life, I’m like eh, she’ll eat worse 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’d be more concerned that she could have chocked on the yogurt bites than anything, which is super serious to me.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 11

    Ladies, So a relative of mine, a retired divorce lawyer, said to me that in all her decades handling contentious divorces, it comes down to three reasons that bring clients to her office: 1. Money 2. Infidelity 3. How to raise the kids Work together as a team to settle money issues, relationship issues, and how the kids should be parented, and you won't need to call her, she said. On that note, I agree with the others that suggested your husband work with you on how your baby should be fed. And I mean jeez, even us adults are supposed to avoid pie if we can help it, and eat it only in moderation! 😅 Grandparents are compelled to spoil grandkids without regard to consequence, I'm convinced. They give them treats, toys, candy, let them do things they wouldn't be allowed to do at home, and then send them home for the parents to clean up. I get that this can be super annoying, because in my house the grandparents also give baby junk and sweets and say that it's OK, even though I'm doing my damndest to make sure baby eats healthy and doesn't get started on crap from an early age. At this point I just preface everything with, "The doctor said" even if she didn't say. "The doctor said only fruits, vegetables, and lean meats for him until he's 1.""The doctor said no yogurt." The appeal to authority seems to work on in-laws where parental authority doesn't. Am I lying to them? Yes, but screw it, I'm trying to make sure my baby doesn't choke, vomit, have an allergy, or start on the road to obesity, thanks, and they never are the ones to have to deal with that part! I do! And hey, maybe the pediatrician can help you and your husband get on the same page about what's appropriate to feed the baby. Tell the docs what they fed the baby, have baby looked over, and if the doctor says no pie or yogurt, maybe then your husband will pay attention. Well, hope this helps.

  • Juliana
    Jun 11

    You have every right to be upset at this. Older people have no sense in children safety nowadays. However, I wouldn’t call the doctor over this. If your baby seems fine and isn’t having an allergic reaction, then I wouldn’t worry. Sure, sugar is bad, but I doubt that such a small amount will cause any harm.

  • Julie
    Jun 12

    Ugh. I hate to say it because it’s so cliche, but in laws suck. I would be so upset. My daughter had a dairy/soy intolerance that cleared around 11 months. Those yogurt bites would have caused serious gastric upset and likely bloody stools. I would have been livid!! Also, it’s even more infuriating to me because she’s too young to try them AND they have other options for the same yogurt bites (I know that happy baby also sells coconut milk yogi bites, my daughter ate them now and then back when she was still dealing with the milk intolerance!). Then the Apple pie thing is ridiculous. And I hate to say it, but it’s sooooo old school/lazy in my opinion!!! If you want to let an infant experience something as awesome as apple pie, give it to them on a spoon!!! Stop shoving a pacifier nipple covered in sugary goo into my baby’s mouth!!! Finally though, the audacity of all of them to just start shoving crap in your baby’s mouth when she’s just starting solids and we’re supposed to be feeding new foods one at a time so we can know what (if anything) causes an allergy!!! I have to say, most likely your baby will be fine. BUT I would still call the doc and I’d inspect the next couple of BMs for mucusy stools since that’s the telltale sign of a good intolerance. I’d also inspect to get an idea of what other crap they fed her!!! If your in laws are anything like mine, they will use the age old quote tat I find so ignorant, “well, that’s what I did with my kids and they survived!” My reply to this is usually, “that’s great and all but I don’t set survival as my threshold. For me, that bar is incredibly low. My preference is for my baby to thrive, not just survive. If you cannot be respectful of parents and how they wish to do things then you will not get to visit with my baby unless I’m sitting right here watching every move you make.” Ugh. So sorry. Obviously this is a heated subject for me. The good thing is my husband is on board and finds his family similarly aggravating. At my daughters first thanksgiving, she was 3 months old. I walked out of the bathroom to find my mil trying to rub cake frosting on her tongue with her bare nasty finger 🤮. Then at her first Christmas, my husband let his step mom hold her and she pulled out a freaking peppermint and tried to shove it in her mouth. On the flip side, my family is 4 times as big as his and none of them, not one, has ever tried to sneak food into her or do some to her that they knew I didn’t want done. They also will not try anything that they’re unsure of without asking me first. It’s like night and day. I’m sorry you had to go through this.

  • Julie
    Jun 12

    Also, case in point. This is a convo I had with my sister earlier this week about feeding my now 21 month old. This would never happen if I left her alone with an in law. Which is why I never will.

  • Emily
    Jun 12

    If you think pediatrician is needed so that you are reassured that your lo is safe then do what you think is best in the end of the day that your child. I have to put my foot down all the time with my parents and in laws and my “mama bear “ mode comes out lol . But it’s your child and you have to do what’s best for them . Sometimes it’s hard for relatives to do what they think is best but it’s not their decision how to raise your child it’s yours and your husbands .

  • Anonymous
    Jun 12

    Thank you all for your advice and input on this, it’s relieving to see I didn’t just overreact to the situation. My daughter had no reaction to anything after 24 hours, so no need to call the pediatrician (other than being impossible to put down that night since she was wired from the sugar and sensory overload). I had a talk with my husband about everything and he definitely saw my side about it and is going to be more firm and observant when it comes to his family and our daughter.

  • Rebecca
    Jun 12

    Not sure about the pediatrician but maybe that’s a good way to make a statement that it’s not ok to feed a little one that type of food. I actually think maybe that is what I will do when my MIL does it with my upcoming new little one. She constantly fed my first foods I never approved of on the sly despite me my husband and her husband telling her no. I look back now and wish I set even firmer boundaries with her and her watching my kid. Because now it’s moved to doing other things that I don’t approve and it’s getting harder to say no you can’t watch her because you don’t listen to me. So I would start firm now and maybe that will help you. Sorry to say it also seems this is a common problem. :(

  • Jennifer
    Jun 14

    Dude my MIL fed my son coffee when he was 3. I remember she had the Starbucks Ice coffee. And she thinks its funny letting my son have a sip. My face turn red when I saw it. I was damn pissed!!!! I don't feed my kids nothing but water and milk. To this day now he's 8yr old, I barely let them drink juices. No sodas, coffee, whatsoever. Luckily my husband relationship with his mom turn sour, so I wouldn't have to visit them and deal with the in laws.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 14

    @Jennifer if anyone ever fed my baby coffee i would lose it!! what is with in-laws and giving babies things without parental consent? it’s ridiculous.

  • Sarah
    Jun 14

    We finally had to send out an email listing foods that were and were not age appropriate. They don’t feed them maliciously but it is very infuriating. Maybe work with your husband on crafting an email so it’s in writing and then have him be the one to send it so they know you are a team.