Posted in Relationships

Trust in relationships

My husband and I have always been immature when it comes to trust. I’ve been working on it so hard this last year, and I’ve come a long way. Fast forward to the last few months, and idk if it’s in my head or these are red flags but here we go: my husband started talking to old girl “friends”, one he slept with once before but nothing more than that. He deleted their conversation, when I asked about it he told me he deleted it bc he thought I’d over react that he talked to her at all. The other girl was a friends ex gf, and there was CLEARLY deleted messages, and when I called him out on it, he got mad and deleted the whole thread. Now I shouldn’t have been going through his stuff I guess. So I stopped going through his stuff. Well for Christmas I got him an iPad. He accused me of buying it for him to snoop and said he was paranoid. I told him to take it back. I literally didn’t touch it at all, but one night I got on it just to play with it, MAYBE for 5 mins, and went right to bed. The next morning I picked it up again to check the weather, and it immediately asked me for his password, so I typed it in and it had been changed. I asked him why and he said it was bc I locked him out of his account. There is no way I locked it out because 1.) I already knew his password prior and 2.) I scrolled through the main screen and that’s it. I got upset about it and he gave me his new password to prove himself or something. Fast forward to tonight and I’m sitting at home and he randomly texts me asking if I locked him out of his iCloud and fb. I said no, I’ve been sitting here watching Netflix I haven’t touched your stuff. This time he changes all of his passwords and of course doesn’t tell me his new ones. I don’t want a relationship where I feel this bad. I don’t want to feel a need to go through someone’s stuff or feel like these are red flags I shouldn’t ignore. He tells me all the time he doesn’t care how I feel and this is my problem. He doesn’t understand why I’m having trust issues and thinks I should just get over it. Last year he was begging me to have a baby and I wanted to wait. This year I’m finally ready, and now he could care less. We were going to buy a house, now he doesn’t want to anymore. I’m at a loss. I love him, I don’t want our relationship to end. But whether there’s something being hidden or not, I don’t feel respected or cared about. When is enough enough?

  • Christy
    Jan 08

    You are very smart, I want you to know that. You are clearly seeing all the signs and doing your very best. Don't let him fool you into thinking less of yourself. Ask him if he wants to be in this marriage? Is he happy in the marriage? Also convey your feelings if he is capable and open to listening to them. Then ask if he wants to make this marriage work? He has to to meet you half way. You can not do all the work on your own or the marriage will fail no matter how hard you try. He has to put in effort. Think of it as a class project. You are paired into teams and you're graded on how well you do your project, but participation is 50% of the grade. Do you think you'll pass the class? If not, seek a tutor (marriage counselor) with your partner. Some individual counseling might do some good as well.

  • Destin
    Feb 16

    No matter if there is anything going on or not, the fact that he is saying he doesn’t care and that it’s your problem seems like the biggest issue of it all...even if there isn’t anything more to it, your feelings are ALWAYS valid, as are his! And he should listen to you are validate your feelings. Emotions are emotions no matter what and he should care about how you are feeling and never want you to feel the way you do now! I’m so sorry that you are going through that and not receiving support. I hope things get better for you and your family!