Posted in Pre-Teens, Teenagers

Tween honesty issues

Anonymous

My 12 year old has a weekday curfew for phone use1.5 hours and a weekend curfew 2-3 hours per day ; she’s mostly introverted so the phone is her talking to her friends, her music, and etc.honestly she is sometimes glued to it, apparently her other friends don’t seem to have any kind of parental enforcement on their phone use and are texting 10,11,12 pm etc. And now my daughter sometimes sneaks her phone into her room to use at her will, then lies about it when confronted and then has no remorse about lying it has happened several times now; I don’t want for her to think she can lie and get away with it but I also don’t want to take her phone away from her over and over again and shut her out from society. What bothers me the post is the lack of remorse on the lie, even after getting caught.

  • Elizabeth
    Feb 10

    My teenage son did that too. Unfortunately, when he showed no remorse for lying my husband and I came to the agreement that we had to take it and lock it up in our room on the charger each night. We bought him an alarm clock. He gets the phone for school and after school activities but when he comes home he can only have his phone after chores and homework are finished. He can also only have it while sitting in the same room as me, absolutely no bedroom time with phone lol. Just some ideas! We say to the protests encouraging phrases like “we want your attention” and “spend time with us”.

  • Anne
    Feb 18

    I went through a similar problem with my daughter. I say you give her a talk. Gently talk to her and ask her why she’s lying. Refrain from getting angry and keep the tone of the conversation calm. Often children refuse to tell the truth because of trust issues with their parents. Are you too strict on her, or do you put stress on her? In terms of screen time, I verbally remind my daughter to spend more time with us and less on her phone, and though she’s hesitant, she’ll eventually get off and spend time with us so that everyone’s happy. I also give my child her own privacy. While some parents go to the point of reading their kid’s messages, I let my kid do her thing. If I’m suspicious, I causally ask her what she’s doing and sit next to her while she browses her phone. These are just some factors as to why she may be lying and in your view, “not showing remorse”. You have to look at the problem from her point of view. It’ll help your relationship a lot.