Posted in Babies, In-Laws, Working Parents

Ugh worst nightmare - baby turned away from me and into MIL arms

Anonymous

My MIL triggered me during my maternity leave when I asked to hold my baby (I let her/she took my baby from me as soon as I was done nursing) and the look on her face said it all. Her face said “wait, what? You want to hold your own child? How dare you ask that”. Before I even married my husband, she said multiple times “I’m going to spoil your child so much they won’t want to go home with you”. Anyways, it happened today. She watches my baby 2x a week, and MIL tried to “give” baby to me by asking baby if she wants me. Baby turned toward my MIL. At first I ignored it. Then MIL did it again, and baby turned toward her, I could tell my MIL was dying of holiness (I heard it in her squeal). 1. That hurts my feelings, why would you do that to a mother. Especially with the history we have?!?! 2. My feelings are hurt. I work FT and I don’t get to spend whole days with my baby, I don’t get any downtime, so I always have mom guilt when I’m on my phone but I need to decompress. I have mom guilt when baby is clawing at me as I wash dishes. 3. I’m extra emotional about this because I know my MIL comes from a good place, but she doesn’t get boundaries sometimes and I’ve seen her literally try to do things and get it wrong. My husband had to force her to SHOW HIM how to buckle up the stroller, bc she claimed she knew. And she messed up2times. I came home and she was giving my baby water (under 6months) but I NEVER said to give my baby Water. She tried to potty train my baby as an infant by making shushing noises..., I told her no, we shush to try to calm her so shushing to get her to pee makes no sense, esp at infancy?! And she never had a mother figure around when she birthed her kids, so she never experienced this at all. I hate that she has the satisfaction of the knowledge that my baby turned to her and didn’t want me. I have mom guilt just typing this!!! Words of wisdom are requested... and yes, I go to therapy lol

  • Erum
    Jun 13

    My MIL is the same way. She provokes and wants a reaction out of me. Often an explosive one as she is weak and knows I am a genuine person. The more I felt hurt the more they used me to their benefit. Act like you are not affected but always have this confidence your baby is connected to you no matter what. You have complete right over your baby. Things will change when your belief becomes stronger. MIL’s use this fragile time to get their way, please don’t let it happen

  • Anonymous
    Jun 14

    It sucks that you felt your baby turned away. She’s just a baby though. She will love you forever. I know you don’t want to hear this. But I don’t see what your mil is doing wrong. She’s giving you free childcare. She wanted to hold her grandchild after birth. Yeah, maybe she makes stupid jokes that are insensitive. And she doesn’t parent exactly the same way you would-no one will so unless you are going to micromanage... Don’t make this into a thing. It’s not a thing. I know it hurts. Wait until your toddler flings themselves on the floor sobbing go away mommy I want daddy. It happens. Kids are fickle from moment to moment and are learning to manage big emotions.

  • Alli
    Jun 14

    Your child is going to go through many phases of favorites. Our one year old was all over his dad for a period of time.. I would beg for his attention and he’d still go to his dad even if he was on his phone. Now a couple months later it’s the other way around. It isn’t that our son loves one of us more than the other. They go through these phases constantly. Soon your baby will cry when you leave and your heart will break in a different way. Don’t think anything of it. Also, try to be grateful your have your MIL to watch your baby.. a lot of people would love to have that. Talk to your husband if there are important things being missed (like proper bucking into a car seat or whatever) . But don’t think too much about the other stuff. Give your baby some extra attention later, put your phone down and decompress with them. Time flies and things change so fast!

  • Anonymous
    Jun 14

    Fwiw I pay her to manage the expectations because I know grandparents think they know best but I am mom, not them! And thank you alll!!!!

  • Jenn
    Jun 14

    Baby isn't turning away from you because she loves, or even likes your MIL more. My LO does that at day care and I know that she doesn't like her teachers more than me (or at least I hope not lol). I've come to realize that it has to do with the transition from day care to home. She is excited to see me, but has been at day care all day so that is where her mind is at. Once we get home it all goes back to normal. I think that is normal for a lot of babies, so it could just be that your LO was in MIL mindset. That being said, your MIL should not do that at all and I'm sorry she did.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 21

    My LO does that to us to with my mom. Whether it be in law or parents that’s a very hurtful thing. I hate when they say they’re going to spoil my kids so they’d rather stay there. It may seem trivial but why would you want to do something 1. Isn’t good for the child just because it may make them happy, spoiling is not good! 2. Wanna do something so the child doesn’t wanna go to the parents. Also just because someone watches your child for free isn’t the best thing. When you pay childcare they’re to uphold your expectations and rules. Family somehow think it doesn’t apply to them. I tell my mom it’s not cool to say that.