Posted in Family Life, Marriage & Partnership, Relationships

Unacceptable behavior as a father?

Anonymous

My SO is going through a lot with his job. Last night he said he wanted to visit his parents and talk to his dad about it. Around 10:30 I get a text saying “going to bed, goodnight”. No call, didn’t discuss he was going to sleep there. This morning I text and call him and no answer. I texted his parents asking if he’s coming home and this is unacceptable for a grown man and he should be home with his kid. No one answers me. 4 hours later he says he’s on his way home. This seems so disrespectful and it’s like he can just do whatever he wants, he doesn’t ask he just tells me. I am so sick of this and I’ve talked to him before that this isn’t acceptable and not how families work together. He is an only child and his only serious relationship was long term, so I feel like he has no idea how to be in a relationship, but after all the arguments we’ve had he should know by now it’s not ok to behave this way. He also never seems to care that his daughter is there, he just says hi to her and goes about his own business. Never puts her to bed, never gets her up or bathes or feeds her. I’m so tired of this and I am on the verge of a mental breakdown because of him. I’m sick of begging someone to want to be a part of our family.

  • Kieli
    Jan 18

    Was he this way when you guys got married? In regards to him not helping with the kids, my husband is the same way. He works hard, physically and mentally hard jobs all week. As a SAHM, I take care of our daughters’ needs. He helps some on the weekends but not much. It sounds to me, if you have expressed your concerns and he is not wanting to change, you have 2 options. 1, work with what you got, keep your family together and work around him (because you did marry him as he is) or 2, separate and raise your daughter how you want to. I have tried to change my husband, but then came to the realization that I married him because he is the way he is, if I change him that is not the man I fell in love with. I know it sucks and you don’t like his actions, but maybe you should start doing more stuff for you. Go make mom friends and go do things with them (and the kids) while he is doing what he pleases. Just an idea, and just my option. You can take what you please of this, but this is my outlook.

  • HR
    Mar 05

    A partner should act like a partner—someone you can depend on, no matter what’s happening. Since you’ve tried explaining to him how you feel & he still isn’t making an effort, your next step is counseling, with or without him, to figure out what’s next.

  • Anonymous
    Mar 21

    Having a similar issue with my fiance/father of my child he doesn't disappear on us he's always home but he's always I'm the kitchen at the table playing on his phone or the computer I hate it so much. I do everything for our son and the house he takes trash out every night and every night complains about it while I have to go buy dinner make the dinner make our plates (my sons mine and his he won't eat if I don't he gets to distracted) I sit with our son and eat with him then bathe our son and myself then get our son ready for bed and read him a book while his father showers at 930 at night 🙄 then at 10 I put my son to bed and watch tv or play a game with my fiance till we go to bed. I have a partner but feel like he's my roommate I've talked to him about it before (couple times a year for 4 years now) each time he says he'll work on it and does for a month or so then it's the same I've considered leaving him for years but he's my emotional support I have a lot going on in my life right now and he's the only one I can talk to without judgement he's a great partner and lover just a shitty dad and I'm getting to the point where I don't think it's fair to my son and sometimes feel like if we weren't together my fiance wouldn't have me to do everything for him so he'd have t be a dad but at the same time feel like hed pass our son off to his mom...sorry for the rent needed to vent to someone I'm on the edge right now 😔😔