Posted in In-Laws, Safety

Uncomfortable

Anonymous

My MIL occasionally will tickle my kids necks or backs or rub their necks or backs randomly and it makes me kind of uncomfortable. I trust her completely but I’m always wary of any unnecessary touching between kids and adults. I know she’s not thinking anything of it but I feel like it’s unnecessary to rub a 3 yr olds neck or scratch a 7 m olds back. Am I over thinking this? Should I bring it up just because it’s not a way I would show affection? ETA: I should have clarified, I’m not asking her to never touch my kids. Hugging, comforting when they’re hurt or scared, sitting next to them or on a lap to read a book, holding hands to walk, even playing tag on the playground, those are all touching, affectionate things. This is is just a random neck rub or back itch that to me, seems out of place. Obviously I always want my kids to be able to speak up if they don’t want to be touched and teaching them also to not touch others if they say no touching. These were very specific instances.

  • Anonymous
    Apr 29

    You are overthinking this. Many, many people show affection through touch. You can teach your kids that they can say no if they don’t want to be touched.

  • anonymous mom
    Apr 30

    I’m not sure what you mean by “unnecessary touching” because being touched is definitely necessary for a healthy and happy life...but if it really makes you uncomfortable I’d discuss it with your husband and see what he thinks. If he agrees then have him talk to your mil because it’s his mom and he should handle tough discussions like that. I agree with anon as well, definitely teach your kids to say no if they don’t want to be touched. As for the infant child, watch for cues, if they don’t want to be touched speak up on their behalf as their advocate.

  • anonymous mom
    Apr 30

    So my general rule of thumb is that if it’s not okay with you then it’s not okay. So even if I wouldn’t care that doesn’t mean that you need to listen or do what I’d do in the same situation. My mil does this thing where she tries to pick at and rearrange my hair. It drives me nuts and feels picky/controlling/judge mental to me. I see her do it to her other granddaughters and her daughter and they just let her. But I hate it. So I told her once to stop, my hair is fine and I’m friggin 33 (not anymore, but when I finally got up the courage to tell her to knock it off). If my hair isn’t perfect I’m well aware of it and guess what? I don’t care and I don’t like my mil randomly approaching me to push hair behind my ear. Gross. Sooo yeah. It caused a lot of problems but they were waiting to happen because I’m not that into my mil as it is. The last time my mil was over I noticed her trying to “fix” my 20 month olds hair. My daughter kept pushing her hand away and after the third time I just spoke up and said, “mil, she doesn’t want you touching her hair. Stop.” If you don’t like it and it’s really bothering you then that’s okay. Say something or ask your husband to. Good luck.

  • anonymous mom
    Apr 30

    Sorry, answering your ETA😁

  • Mama
    Apr 30

    So I completely understand where you’re coming from. I too am a mom that really rather someone not overly touch my baby. Even my brother will sometimes kiss my little girl on the forehead or something and I’m kind of like why LOL with that being said. If you know when your gut that you trust your mother-in-law then there’s really nothing to worry about. I sometimes have to remember they come from a different generation where as silly as it is to say this they really do things differently. However if something is bothering you to the point of making you uncomfortable or you just don’t think you could really Get over it, then maybe you should say something. Just keep in mind this could be a point of contention.

  • Mama
    Apr 30

    I also wouldn’t say you’re overthinking it. We are moms and we are always going to protect our children in whatever way that may be for us personally. Especially if as an adult if someone came and tickled your neck you would be like what the heck LOL

  • Anonymous
    May 26

    I’ve always scratched/rubbed my daughters back. It’s relaxing to her and helps her fall asleep. I don’t think there’s anything weird about it.. it’s probably just something she did to soothe her babies when they were little :)