Unsolicited parenting advice

Christmas is a time we see family members that we don't see on a daily basis. Do you get unsolicited parenting advice from these family members, because they have spent a few days with you and have witnessed some "problem" on how you raise your children? It happens a lot back in where I am from, Hong Kong. And someone told me unsolicited advice is a very Chinese thing. I wonder if it happens in America too. Please share your experience

  • Amanda
    Dec 25, 2019

    My sister is dealing with this right now! She is spending the holidays with her in-laws and has called me frequently to discuss how everyone else is trying to parent and/or discipline my nephew while ignoring her specific parenting structure. As I’ve told her, just smile and try to keep the peace as best as possible, but don’t be afraid to be firm with someone who is completely overstepping. In the moment, it’s far more difficult not to take insight from others personally, but the holidays will soon be over and you’ll be able to return to your parenting norm :)

  • anonymous mom
    Dec 25, 2019

    Unsolicited advice is a human thing!! I’ve traveled extensively and have met and made friends with people all over the globe....the one bond that ties all of us together is we have crap in laws and very nosey friends and family trying to offer their advice on things we’re clearly handling in our own way! I always tell myself advice is usually worth the $$ you spent on it. So if it’s free it’s not worth much more than a passing thought. Of course there’s a lot I’ve learned by ASKING for advice. But very little I’ve learned by being gifted with 1970s mom wisdom. As in, “no MIL. I will not sit my 2.5 year old in a playpen and shut the door on her so I can clean my house spotless for guests who will subsequently trash my house and leave soon afterward. You’re here, clean! Or entertain her while I do! Thankyouverymuch.”

  • Anonymous
    Dec 26, 2019

    I essentially raised my twins alone, as my husband of 10 years walked away when my boys were 3 mos old. EVERYONE was big on advice. I learned early to just listen and say thank you...then do what I had to. The ones doing the most talking were the least successful raising their own children, or had no children. What amazes me is how my sons are both college grads (one has three degrees), have excellent jobs, and have solid relationships with their wives. They are in their twenties. I did it my way, as a single parent. At his HS graduation, my baby received a scholarship from a local engineer, citing his success despite being raised by just a mom (as the engineer was). BOTH had scholarships to college. Incidentally, anyone who comes around with the idea of putting their baby in a playpen for hours at a time needs to take a little of their own time, and either take the baby while Mom cleans OR go clean for her. My children had a play room, designed for their safety and comfort, and were always entertained by yours truly. I'd do the housekeeping while they slept, or were occupied. It was hard, but I did it myself. If you need objective advice, ask your child's doctor. Especially don't take advice from the inlaws!!

  • C
    Dec 26, 2019

    I notice that if it is just me with our son walking about town, I get unsolicited advice from random strangers. If we were with my husband, I don’t get unsolicited advice. I suspect it’s a sexist thing. Thankfully my parents and in laws give advice very sparingly because they know even less about kids today. What little advice they give is terrible - the dangerously outdated kind that frightens neonatal and pediatric professionals. The most common advice they do give is to bundle up our son more. It doesn’t matter if it’s the hottest day of the summer. They will say he looks cold. Generally I ignore unsolicited advice, and it’s worked out much better for my son.

  • Vonda
    Dec 27, 2019

    I take it with a grain of salt. Say thank you. And move on. Because every parent is different with their kid. And every kid is different. I say the same thing when my cousin asks for my advice on my kid since she is pregnant. I tell her to take what I say with a grain of salt. You won’t use some of it. More than some cause we are doing the same parenting strategy. But still, there will be things she doesn’t do because her kid will be different than mine.