Posted in Marriage & Partnership, Time Management, Travel

Vacationing with a 3 year old

Anonymous

I am a stay at home mom and in need of a break as I am the primary caregiver for my child. When we last went on vacation over a year ago, I suggested to my husband that we share some tasks such as taking turns to feed dinner, going to the beach with our kid etc so that We both could get some Me time on vacation. My husband is super nice but clueless about taking the initiative to do baby-chores. But this didn’t go down well with my husband as he felt pressured to do chores. We haven’t gone on vacation since. How do you make vacations pleasurable with a small child to care for?

  • Anonymous
    Oct 22

    I'm not sure if you are painting a clear picture here, so he considers caring for his child a chore? One that shouldn't be his responsibility? Is he not capable of taking him to a playground or feeding him lunch so you can get a pedicure or something? My husband is really great with my kids and can handle it by himself, but he does get cranky about it some times. But if I need a break,bi schedule something when I know he is free and I TELL him I'm doing it, I don't ask. I shouldn't have to ASK him to watch his kids, like he's doing me a favor. Maybe you can schedule something for yourself, and make sure you have a kind of set itinerary of what you want them to do. And I've yet to find a lot of pleasure on a vacation since taking children, if you really want to relax leave 1 or both of them at home!

  • Laura
    Oct 23

    Sounds like you have some major issues with your husband to deal with, but assuming he doesn't change, you could vacation with extended family that will take the lead on childcare, or visit someplace all-inclusive that includes meals and even some childcare. Or if you're loaded, hire a babysitter at your destination (some hotels will have references or even services they use).

  • Katie
    Oct 23

    So, just because you stay at home to be a caregiver to your child and do the majority of the domestic stuff, doesn't mean he gets to skip out on doing his fair share. Otherwise you will never, ever, ever get a break (and start to resent your family) because childcare never ends. Realistically, your "work at home job" obligation is equivalent to whatever hours he is working at his job, maybe a little more if you want to be "nice". You obviously get as much done as you can during those hours. After that, the hours of work required for your life are half his obligation - how the two of you chose to split that is obviously up to you, but it should be done fairly so you both get downtime or "me" time. Unfortunately, when they are 3 there isn't a whole heck of a lot of time left over, but you seek it out where you can. My husband and I often trade off on vacation... we both have different priorities on what we need from vacation, so we work with each other for those goals. If my husband wants to do a not-friendly for our 3 year old activity, because he often does, I take the preschooler to do something else. My husband often gets up early with our son, so he will take him to explore the city we are in or to go play someplace for an hour or two so I can sleep in. Boom, both of us have our needs met, and get quality one-on-one time/memories with our son. Your husband needs to realize he is missing out if he thinks actively participating in fatherhood is "babysitting."

  • Anonymous
    Oct 25

    I’m on the same boat. But even when my husband tries to take care of my 2 yr old daughter, my daughter cries for me. So I accepted it already that I don’t get me time on vacations/ even at home (as much as the husband ). At the end of the day even if it’s late at night I try to have my me time when I finish my chores and when everybody’s asleep. We run out of patience sometimes it’s ok. It’s part of motherhood (I think). Kids grow up fast and we will miss all the clingyness they do. My husband and my daughter has a strong bond even though she’s my shadow.