Posted in House & Home, In-Laws

Vent about BIL (long post, sorry)

Anonymous

I just need to vent about my BIL really quick. He moved in with us a few months ago and everything was fine at first. He followed our (very simple) rules of cleaning up after himself and to be quieter when our daughter was sleeping during the day. But lately he seems to think the rules don’t apply to him!! He’s recently started smoking again and I told him if he wants to live with us/be around our 5mo, he has to quit or he can’t touch her because he constantly reeks of cigarettes. He’s been making the biggest messes every day when he goes to work, he’s constantly making as much noise as possible saying it’s ‘not his problem that the baby can’t sleep through noise’. She can sleep through a ton of noise she just can’t sleep through banging pots and pans, doors slamming constantly, and loud music. He acts so entitled when i ask him to PLEASE clean up after himself, says he’s a full time nursing student so he doesn’t have time for that. And just recently he’s been messing with our thermostat, which we keep at 68-70 so our daughter doesn’t get too hot/too cold. I had to turn the AC on because it was 75 out and our rooms get very hot since we are upstairs. Well my BIL opened all the windows downstairs on the main floor!! Said it was too cold in the basement (where he sleeps). That was money flying out the window to me. Told him to please close the windows as we have the AC on. Next thing i know the AC was off, windows were open and our house was HOT!! Then he just left the house with all the windows open!! Someone please tell me i’m not being too unreasonable about this, there’s many many other things that he’s done that I don’t want to go into detail about. He just seems so ungrateful, which is ridiculous because we were the only family members willing to take him in after my MIL kicked him out.

  • Katherine
    May 08

    I would be super frustrated too. I would maybe have a sit down with him and his sibling and discuss the house rules and why they are in place. If that fails maybe draw up a living agreement and have it sign and notarized.

  • Anonymous
    May 08

    @Katherine we’ve done the sit down thing multiple times and for a while he will pick up the slack but after a week or so he just falls back into the same patterns. The agreement sounds like a good idea though

  • Anonymous
    May 08

    Have husband kick him out

  • Anonymous
    May 08

    @Anon I’ve told him a few times before that if his brother doesn’t at least attempt to fix his ways either he moves out or I do. after this next talk if things don’t improve I may just look for a place of my own, this situation has taken a toll on our marriage and it’s all we fight about.

  • Emily
    May 08

    Does he pay rent and utilities to you? If not, he needs to right away. Treat it like a real lease agreement with small security deposit. The whole ‘I don’t have time because I’m a nursing student’ is ridiculous btw. More often than not they actually are super ocd because they need to be in the medical field.

  • Anonymous
    May 09

    @Emily he does pay us a small portion of rent (we live in a townhouse) but it’s not even near half the rent nor does he pay utilities. In my opinion he only pays for the small space in the basement that he sleeps. And i agree!! I assumed he would be more neat since he is in nursing school and has to keep his schedule and work organized. I guess that’s the only thing he likes to keep clean.

  • Holly
    May 11

    I feel for you! In my situation it was my brother but same problems. It took us having another kid for him to actually find another place to live. He kept saying he was looking and dragging the process out. It put a HUGE strain on my marriage as well as my relationship with my brother, it bothered my husband more. I finally had a heart to heart with him. Told him that I love him and value how well we get along. Said that I didn’t want this situation to affect our future relationship and that I currently felt I was being taken advantage of due to the blatant lack of action on his part to leave when we had a newborn on the way. I was so close to packing his stuff up in bags and putting it out 😬 He eventually moved out and into my sisters house 🙄

  • Anonymous
    May 12

    @Holly I totally get that!! We want to start trying to have another baby pretty soon but with him living here we don’t have the room and we don’t want to subject another baby to his ridiculous antics

  • Anonymous
    May 12

    Also a little update, I talked to my husband and we have reached a compromise, we are giving my BIL until the end of summer (August 10th) to either clean up his act completely or to move out! It’s the only way we can work on our marriage and move on with our lives.

  • Holly
    Friday

    That is so good you have a plan. I just used the pregnancy of the new baby as a reason for him to “get out now” lol