Posted in Family Life, Making Friends, Relationships

Venting

Anonymous

I am the mother of a six and a half month old daughter. I just visited my home in Texas where my best friend told me that I am losing myself and that I am not just my daughters Mom. Also, that my only conversation topic is my child... I mean is that bad?!? I get what she is saying, but what is wrong with just being a Mom? I started working from home a month before giving birth, so I don’t interact with many people. My only friend is my sister who moved up here two years after I did. In 5 years of living here I have not personally made any friends outside of my marriage. Is it just me? Have I just become an introvert in my older adult life? I am not shy nor am a social butterfly, but am I complete losing myself after having my first child six months ago?!? Please tell me that I’m not the only one. I know this isn’t postpartum related, but with my daughter in daycare now, I want to spend every minute I can with her since she is growing so fast. Sorry for the long post and the venting, I’m just not sure what to think of my best friends comment.

  • Sarah
    Nov 28

    Girl, it's like I wrote this myself! Part of being a parent is giving part of our lives to our children and yes we talk about them and spend all our time possible with them because they are constantly growing and changing at this age. As long as you are able to get some personal care time I say do you and don't let others tell you how to parent or run your life. Fun note, I'm from MN, but getting ready to move back to Central Texas thanks to military life. I also work from home so I get some of the seclusion you're feeling. Feel free to reach out any time.

  • Michaela
    Nov 28

    Texas mama (originally from Maine though), with a 6 month old! And I feel the same as you. I take online classes which keep some piece of me separate from my son but honestly it’s just a burden since I don’t get much help from anyone to watch him while I do school work. Maybe try finding some other mom-friends! I don’t know if your best friend has kids but my guess if she’s saying that to you is that she doesn’t! Don’t feel ashamed. Enjoy your child and your life with them as you dang well please 😘

  • Alexis
    Nov 28

    Does your friend have kids? If not then it's going to be nearly impossible for her to relate to you on that aspect of your life. And unfortunately that may put some distance between you for awhile. But a good friend will stick around. As far as feeling lonely or isolated, I get that. I'm a SAHM of two under two. My two closest friends have kids in their pre-teen/teen years so even though we are all moms, we are at different stages of life and over the last several months we haven't been as close anymore. That's life I guess. Lately, I haven't felt like I have any close friends at all. Like you, the only person I really hang out with is my sister. And she's moving soon so that sucks. I am a huge introvert and get anxiety at the thought of meeting new people, so it's not exactly easy for me to make new friends!! But my boys and my husband make me happy right now and the rest I'll figure out as I go!

  • Anonymous
    Nov 29

    It sounds like your friend may be right. And it sounds like what upsets you is really that you fear she might be right. - Having no friends is not a defining hallmark of an introvert. Introverts make the best friends. - Having no friends is not a sign of a succesful adult life. It sounds like you lost track of balance and your own self, your own interests, hobbies, and needs somewhere aling the way. The reason why your friend is flagging may be because she in fact cares about you deeply. Who knows, she may be wrong, she may be right,maybe her delivery wasn't perfect... And it's good for you to vent... but the best friends are those willing to risk a negative reaction/getting snapped at/yelled at/etc in order to do right by someone else, watch out for someone else. Sounds like you've got a good best friend there, watching your back.

  • Erin
    Dec 01

    I have to disagree with your friend, there is nothing wrong with losing yourself in your kids a bit, especially when they are so little, because as you said, it does go by very fast. That's actually kind of a dumb thing to say anyway. You "lose yourself?" Where do you go? You are always still you!! I am 33 with two kids and despite my best efforts all my friends without kids have drifted away. Even my siblings without kids have drifted away. I call and send messages and try to get together but they just stop getting back to me. I think they don't know how to relate to you anymore. But the good ones will stick around and not be judgey. To reiterate, nothing wrong with getting wrapped up in your kids. They are special little people and they grow so fast. The only people that will be bothered by this is people that are jealous that you might not spend as much time with them. But why should you let that affect your behavior? That's their problem, not yours. Keep loving on that precious baby, she will be grown up before you know it. You will never regret the time you spent with her now, never.