What can I do to help my husband take on his role as father?
I'm just at a loss right now. I don't know if anyone else has gone through this with their partner, but I feel like hearing from some of you may help. Forgive me if this is long. My husband isn't spending as much time with our son as I'd like nor taking some of the responsibility. It's really at point that unless I ask him to do something or my son has been screaming for a long time, he won't do it. Even then he just does it begrudgingly or he'll do a different task that doesn't involve our son (finish cooking dinner instead of helping our son get ready for dinner or started eating). There are some moments that I can see the father in him but that's all they are, small moments. I can understand some of it. He works long day because of the military and rank. The time at home isn't much but just a few hours before bed. However most of that time goes to watching shows or playing video games to unwind. This includes the weekends where it feels like I'm doing the same thing but Dad just happens to be home. I haven't been able to find work even with my degree and location has partially to do with that so I know that upsets him a bit too. Another thing is my husband never knew his biological father and had been raised through a few different men as his mom dated. Almost all weren't suitable father figures as they were abusive either to him or his mother. Thankfully she did find a person that he does call 'Dad' but I can say that the past still affects him. The last is that he wasn't able to be with his son for about the first six months because of a deployment. He was there for the birth but only for a few days before he had to leave. On the other side of this coin, he said he really wanted to be a father. He even wanted to be the stay-at-home dad. Of course this can't be for a while. Prior to our child, I've seen how he's acted with other people's children and it's beautiful. That's where I fully believed he can be that father more than I could probably be a mother. I have trouble seeing that again. When he initially got home from deployment, he was trying to be but it's like he gave up. I've brought this up with him but it all boils back to the previous issues. It's like he is using them as excuses and just prefers to do his own thing. I've come to think even if I could resolve some of the issues, like have a job, that I'd still be the only one doing everything for our son. Is there a better way to go about this? Does he need more time to accept that he's a father even though it's been about five months for him like he is a deer in headlights with no idea what to do? Am I missing something here? TL/DR: I'm a stay at home mom that does every single thing for our child with little to no help from dad. He excuses it with work, not being here the first six months of his life, and lacking a father growing up. I've brought it up but still nothing. Can I go about this a different way?