When your Preschooler learns something that are against your values...

My daughter came today to show me her dead baby (holding her doll). I told her she was only asleep, then she told me the baby was shot by bad guys and put the doll in her bed in a very dramatic way. Is it normal for a 4 yo to make that kind of scenario? This is very shocking to me as we don’t have discussions or games around shooting at home. I realize I can’t protect her from that this is the kind of game her friends at preschool are use to... This is so far away from my culture I don’t know where to start... Any advices?

  • Morgan
    Apr 08

    I would talk with her teacher

  • Anonymous
    Apr 08

    I’d talk to the teacher and the director, but she’s most likely getting this from one of her schoolmates. My nephew (4yo) is in part time preschool and he was visiting us this weekend. His parents are these super new agey types who never talk about violence or anything but my nephew came up to me while visiting and pointed a fork at me from my daughters kitchen set and told me that was his gun and I was dead now, and I had to go to my grave before my soul ate his. WTF is all I could think. I come from a much more “crass” family if you will so I just laughed it off and told him I’d be happy to die once I’d eaten dinner and BEFORE I did the dishes. My sil overheard and came running and was all embarrassed and apologetic. I was a little put off by the behavior BUT I know that kids are kids and they don’t really know what they’re saying. It reminds me of a late show interview with Kristen Bell where she described telling her 3 year old to stop doing something and she got angry at her and said something like, “I’m going to get a gun and kill you and I only like daddy now!” It’s disturbing to hear but I don’t think they have any idea what they’re really saying so I’d just not pay it a lot of attention, but I would definitely discuss it with the teachers and directors so they can be a little more vigilant and intervene or stop the language at the source.

  • Sara
    Apr 08

    Talk to the teachers and make sure they are aware so they can stop kids from talking like that. Also tell your child it’s not ok to pretend to shoot people. Unfortunately this kind of stuff happens at preschool but it’s important to inform the teachers and also to make sure you teach your child that language is not ok.

  • Tara
    Apr 10

    I’d also speak to the teachers and make them aware of your daughter’s behaviour and your views. And I’m also with Anon. that kids will pick things up from other kids. Maybe this is a good learning opportunity for both of you..? Rather than passing the responsibility solely on the teachers/ preschool, maybe it’s a good sign that your daughter confided in you to share this new game she’s become part of. Maybe it’s an opp to ask: how do you know the baby is not sleeping? What does it mean that baby is ‘dead’? Who are the bad guys? There may be more emotional stuff, like fear and curiosity, that’s also being passed on and not just parroting talk. These are just some of my thoughts, as mine are still too young for this, but I’m already dealing with stuff my 2.5 year old is picking up from preschool (see my last post!). Good luck mama!