Anonymous

Why is taking care of myself considered being selfish?

So I have a wonderful boyfriend of whom I have a beautiful daughter with. I work full time and take care of business at home. I decided after utter chaos at work that I needed a mental/mommy alone time day. My coworker said I shouldn’t use my vacation time for selfish needs and should use that time to bond with my child. In her eyes I’m an awful mother because I choose to work. She stopped working when she had her boys. She’s about to retire so totally a generational thought process. But she’s making me feel awful for making sure I’m mentally healthy for not only my family but for my department. Am I being selfish??

  • JJ
    Oct 10

    You know why she’s making you feel awful? Because she feels awful. Only miserable tools who are unhappy in their own lives do shit like this. And you know what, people like that are not worth your time. You have a new baby, you need to stop caring what other people think or say about how you live your life. You’ll need a thick skin and sharp tongue as a parent to deal with this kind of nonsense. Tell Donna Reed that it was super special and all that she gave up her career and possible dreams for the future to watch her kids, but seeing as it’s 2018 now, women can do a lot more than just breed. Then tell her to mind her own business before Trump takes away the old biddys social security.

  • Kris
    Oct 10

    Always need a few hours of mental health. Can split the day up too between “me” time & family time. It’s an important balance.

  • Jess
    Oct 10

    Definitely not selfish! It’s important to take some alone time!

  • Julie
    Oct 10

    People who try to make you feel like shit do so because they feel like shit about themselves. She’s trying to make you feel like crap about your decision because she feels like crap about one or many of hers. Whether it’s that she’s tried repeatedly to hang out with her adult kids and they are prioritizing themselves over her, or because she wishes she had worked and had a career rather than stay at home, because she’s fighting with her spouse and wants to spread her negativity, or something else completely, the bottom line is that her shit doesn’t have to become your headspace. If you need a day off to rejuvenate then take it and if she has one more bad thing to say about it flip her the (proverbial) bird and do you. As my mom said to me a few weeks ago when I was feeling guilty about going to get a haircut while she watched my daughter, “whether or not you take a day off and do something for yourself will not matter to your baby one bit!”

  • Christa
    Oct 10

    Absolutely not, you’re not being selfish. Perhaps it’s a generational thing- but I completely disagree with the idea that you’re being selfish! I take “me time” literally every day- it may not always be baby free- but I’m a stay at home mom too! But I still make sure that I have my own time, and a lot of the time it’s at the end of the day, once my sons gone to sleep, but sometimes not- I sew and work on various projects while he plays and does his own thing. You are NOT a bad mommy, you are human and no matter what that crazy old woman says, she’s human too, and she needs her own time too. Don’t let people’s words make you feel bad, they only make you feel bad if you allow them!!!! Best of luck!!!!

  • Megan
    Oct 10

    What? One day? Not like...one day a week, but ONE DAY? Take me with you.

  • Bekah
    Oct 10

    You can’t be your best for her if you need a break. My husband knows I need a break sometimes and will tell me to go shopping and he watches the kids. It’s also good to get some time away together so we’ll hire a sitter and go on a date. Taking care of you helps you be a better Mom. Do NOT feel bad about that.

  • Robyn
    Oct 10

    Take a day if you need it and you do not need to explain it to anyone! It’s YOUR leave that YOU earned for YOU to use as YOU please. If you are able to recognize that you need personal time to keep yourself physically, emotionally and mentally healthy, you should be applauded and supported. There are countless parenting styles and people need to respect how others choose to parent. As long as it works for your family and your child is loved and thriving, that’s all that matters. Enjoy your day! 🥂

  • B
    Oct 10

    I’m with Megan...

  • Cheri
    Oct 10

    Not selfish. Good for you. And continue to make that mental space for you when you need it.

  • Diane
    Oct 10

    Not selfish at all! A happy balanced you is a happy balanced mom and your child will reap the benefits! You know how they say in an emergency on an airplane to put the mask on yourself before your child, similar idea with life as a mom in general. That coworker needs to mind her own business and not offer her opinion unless you ask for it!

  • Jennifer
    Oct 10

    Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can no longer do things for yourself that do not include your kids! I love my kids but I enjoy my time without them as well. It helps me keep balanced to feel I have some other purpose than just being mommy. Don’t get me wrong that’s my number one thing I enjoy but you need you time to take care of them

  • Lindsey
    Oct 10

    Honestly I wouldn’t tell her what you do with your personal life. She is from another generation like you said, a nosy one. You need time to yourself to recharge so when you come home you are able to look forward to bonding with your child. Being a parent can be isolating as well.

  • Keisha
    Oct 12

    Don’t feel guilty! I’m a single mother of a four year old daughter who I have full time and I work full time. My parents take my daughter for a few hours once a week so that I can get a break. I used to feel bad but now I realize I need it to clear my head and be just an adult. Otherwise you can drive yourself to a breakdown

  • Deanna
    Oct 12

    I am a mother to 4 teens, if I don't get alone time I will lose my mind! I work a full time job and a part time job. No way - I take time each day for reflection and alone time.

  • Ally
    Oct 12

    Not at all. I can't be the best mom if I don't take care of me!

  • Teddy
    Oct 12

    This is the time of #metoo and in my mind that extends to woman-on-woman emotional abuse. And that’s what she is doing, abusing and harassing you for your choices about what’s best for you and your family. Your choices are your own. She can have a differing opinion about it but she doesn’t need to share it. “If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all” - did she not get this memo in kindergarten in the 70s? Here’s another hashtag for her #fuckoff

  • GSD82
    Oct 12

    You go girl! I do the same thing. Never feel bad. If you’re taking care of yourself and giving yourself sometime you taking care of your kiddo in the long run. I work full time, my husband had a crazy work schedule and our son goes to full time day care. We are paying for childcare I will take advantage of every penny. Somedays I’m able to cut out of work early and I will go shopping, mani/pedi or go to a nice restaurant and enjoy it all by myself before I pick up son.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15

    Well today was glorious, and coworker can kick rocks! Thanks everyone!