Will I ever get excited about having a second baby? I’m at the beginning of my second trimester.
I have a one year old baby who is my world. My husband and I have had the best year of our lives raising this little one. We recently found out that I am pregnant again and I am freaking out. I wasn’t ready for a second child and whereas the first one was planned for, the second was unexpected. Our first one, while wonderful, is a handful. She is very advanced motor wise, and always on the go... there is no rest for this mama! I do my best to provide her with stimulating toys and activities to further her development and to keep her happy and entertained and that all takes time and energy that I am short on. Furthermore, our little one still wakes up in the middle of the night once (we are currently sleep training that issue). My pregnancy has not been easy in terms that I have ended up at the hospital several times because of hyperemesis. I had to stop breastfeeding my little one at 11 months (about 2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant) because I had lost too much body weight and I couldn’t keep up with the demands of breastfeeding and growing a baby while dealing with hyperemesis and pretty much being repulsed by food. And I still feel so guilty...like I cut short her babyhood. I feel guilty that I’m too nauseous to play with her like I used to. My patience is much shorter and find myself getting annoyed at my husband for no reason even though he helps with cooking and the baby...we pretty much share responsibilities, so there is no reason for me to be so annoyed with him. But I am and I feel guilty. All in all I haven’t been as excited about this baby... not the way I was with my first one. I find myself wishing I hadn’t gotten pregnant until next year (what we had planned). And then I feel horrible for feeling that way. So I’m scared and worried that I won’t bond with my new baby the way I bonded with my now one year old. I’m sick of being nauseous and feeling sick and having to run after a one year old while feeling so sick. And I feel like the worst mom in the whole world and not the best wife either. Will it get better? Will I ever be excited to be pregnant? Will I bond with my baby?