Anonymous

Will I ever get excited about having a second baby? I’m at the beginning of my second trimester.

I have a one year old baby who is my world. My husband and I have had the best year of our lives raising this little one. We recently found out that I am pregnant again and I am freaking out. I wasn’t ready for a second child and whereas the first one was planned for, the second was unexpected. Our first one, while wonderful, is a handful. She is very advanced motor wise, and always on the go... there is no rest for this mama! I do my best to provide her with stimulating toys and activities to further her development and to keep her happy and entertained and that all takes time and energy that I am short on. Furthermore, our little one still wakes up in the middle of the night once (we are currently sleep training that issue). My pregnancy has not been easy in terms that I have ended up at the hospital several times because of hyperemesis. I had to stop breastfeeding my little one at 11 months (about 2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant) because I had lost too much body weight and I couldn’t keep up with the demands of breastfeeding and growing a baby while dealing with hyperemesis and pretty much being repulsed by food. And I still feel so guilty...like I cut short her babyhood. I feel guilty that I’m too nauseous to play with her like I used to. My patience is much shorter and find myself getting annoyed at my husband for no reason even though he helps with cooking and the baby...we pretty much share responsibilities, so there is no reason for me to be so annoyed with him. But I am and I feel guilty. All in all I haven’t been as excited about this baby... not the way I was with my first one. I find myself wishing I hadn’t gotten pregnant until next year (what we had planned). And then I feel horrible for feeling that way. So I’m scared and worried that I won’t bond with my new baby the way I bonded with my now one year old. I’m sick of being nauseous and feeling sick and having to run after a one year old while feeling so sick. And I feel like the worst mom in the whole world and not the best wife either. Will it get better? Will I ever be excited to be pregnant? Will I bond with my baby?

  • Clarissa
    Aug 28, 2018

    It would really feel overwhelming, especially, the current pregnancy is unexpected. I had the same situation during my 1st and 2nd trimester and it ended up having my baby smaller than the usual and needed to eat more for her to grow accordingly. What Ive learned is that, at this close age, you’re actually giving a lifetime friend/sibling to your 1st baby. And we’re blessed to be given these babies.(even you don’t appreciate it for now) take things slowly and be sure to take care of yourself, pregnancy and your 1st baby. :) it would be harder and you’ll be more guilty if the pregnancy would cause injury to the baby. Pray, meditate, write a diary or do your video diary. Anything that can allow you to express your feelings and it will lighten up somehow. Hope it helps! :)

  • Katy
    Aug 28, 2018

    I don’t have much advice as I’m in a similar boat just wanted to let you know you’re not alone ❤️ and from what I’ve read you’re definitely not a bad mom or wife. I have a girl who will be 2 September 30 and am due with girl #2 (unexpected - like yours) beginning of December. My sickness died down around week 18 but I was definitely beating myself up more when I was sick and had no energy. I feel like I have gotten better as far as patience and energy but I still have moments where I feel completely overwhelmed with not being as excited for this baby and how life with 2 will be. I’m pretty sure we’re normal. I sure hope you feel better soon, I know that will help a whole bunch ❤️

  • Katrina
    Aug 28, 2018

    Oh, other mama. What you're going through is hard, and it's hard to be excited about something in the future when you're so sick you can barely make it - or can't make it - through today. While some women are excitrd and in love with their little one as soon as the test turns positive, many women in the best of circumstances take time to bond with their child, and that is normal. Give yourself some grace and some time. It's true that this means a lot of changes you hadn't wanted or planned on for your first born, but those changes will include positives as well as negatives, including a peer playmate a different role in the family than if you had waited. When it's unexpected, and I've faced an unexpected pregnancy with a tiny one to consider, I've tried to be realistic in planning to create a balance rather than focus only on what my firstborn would be losing. I hope that you get to be one of those women who feels better the further into pregnancy she gets, and I'm glad you have a good team stepping up to the plate while your body is working hard to grow another human. Let as much as you can go, including any thinking that you're an awful wife/mom/etc and restate as today you're doing you're best, and right now it might not be a lot, but it won't be like this forever. All the luck and good wishes in the world.

  • Erika
    Aug 28, 2018

    I have a one year old at home as well, while writing this I am in the hospital, I just gave birth to my second son. They are only 13 months apart. I worried I wouldn’t love my second literally up until the second they put him in my arms. Those thoughts and worries went out the window. There’s so much love for both of them. My 1 year old is constantly moving and curious so I’m sure it’ll be tough when we get home but we’ll get through it; and you will too! You wouldn’t be given a second baby if you couldn’t handle it. Best of luck to you!

  • Mari
    Aug 28, 2018

    My daughter is 19 months and my son just turned 2 months and I wish I was able to bond more with my son but my daughter demands attention pretty much all day unless I have someone around like her dad or her aunt. So even though I am tired, I try to bond with him as much as I can like talk/sing to him during his bath times or when my daughter is down for a nap and he is up, I will just count his toes and sing just so he hears my voice. Now you say you feel guilty for cutting her babyhood short, I can tell you I felt the same exact way. We are pushing her onto her toddler bed so that my son can take over her crib and now we start potty training. But do not feel guilty, she will feel very happy when she sees the new baby. Show her how to care for a baby with her dolls like swaying them or burping them, my daughter loves doing that to her baby dolls. I always give her a chance to bond with her brother as well and she gets so excited. Girls are just born with that motherly instict which will come in handy when the new baby arrives and you're afraid of her feeling jealous. If I'm holding or nursing my son, I try to give my daughter attention as much as I can by reading to them both or putting on her favorite songs. Don't worry it will be fine, I wasnt too excited when I found out I was pregnant again for the same reasons as you and mainly because I was already too busy with my 1st child to pay attention to those 1st baby kicks and the ultrasounds, I didn't get to enjoy it at all. It will get better you are not the worst mom or wife, I'm sure your husband understands pregnancy hormones will make women a little irritable at times, just take it easy and don't stress. Your daughter will be different and older when the new baby comes so she mighy have sleeping down packed by then.

  • Jennie
    Aug 29, 2018

    I have 4 kids, the first was 6m when I got pregnant with my 2nd. I weaned my oldest a 5m, not because of pregnancy obviously but my other 3 kids I've nursed much longer. He is 7 now. I definitely don't feel that I missed out anything with him. Even though I had a baby, I still treasured all his phases. We are very close and he's very helpful, responsible and empathetic. He notices when I'm having a hard day and writes me love notes. He helps with meals if I'm nursing the baby or helps his siblings with things. I'm just mentioning that because I really feel that he's embraced the big brother role and while he definitely still craves one on one time, I don't think he has suffered from not being the only baby for a while. In fact, I think it's caused him to think of others more, which is one if my goals as a Christian mom. I know right now you feel overwhelmed but I'm looking at your situation through "that was me 6 years ago" and I can say it gets better and the closeness in age is wonderful.

  • Karlee
    Sep 02, 2018

    Once your baby is here you’ll feel relief and love them just as much! My oldest 2 are 14 months apart and middle and youngest are 13 months apart and i wouldn’t have it any other way. They play so wonderful together, do the same things at the same times and it’s not nearly as impossible or hard as some may make it seem. They is of course always days that are long and your going to be tired but it’s so worth it!

  • Savvi
    Sep 03, 2018

    150% I promise you, apart from gender you just wrote my life 11 months ago. Now I’m sitting with my 2 month old and almost 2 year old and I promise, the love is here. The guilt is almost completely gone. Now I’m not the size of a beached whale, I can chase my toddler again and interact while the baby is asleep. He sits with us while I’m feeding and we read books and sing songs together. My toddler is a total major handful of a child and he was left to his own devices while I was non-stop puking and TV became a thing in our house (he hadn’t watched tv prior to me having HG) but he’s fine and he loves his brother and we’re one big happy family full of love and perfection.

  • Amanda
    Dec 03, 2018

    I felt the same way. As soon as that baby comes your love multiplies and to see your first lovin’ on the second is just precious. I remember thinking “I love my first so much, how will I be able to love another?” Now I have 3 and I wouldn’t have it any other way. so much love!