Posted in Blended Families, Marriage & Partnership, Modern Families, Relationships

Work through it or get Divorced

How to determine if you should work through it or get divorced. I take my vows seriously so I don’t just want to up and leave when it get rough. My husband and I have been together for almost 13 yrs and married for almost 10yrs. We have 7 children, it is a his,mine, and ours. Which the kids don’t know that and we don’t use the word step. My husband has adopted mine I plan on to adopt his when we have the money and we he does the paperwork. The children ages are 16,15,14,14,13,11, and 6 months. I did have a job but quit since I had got pregnant and don’t really want to work until the baby is older. So I have no money to my name. I love my husband but I’m starting to think it would be better if we weren’t together. But how do u leave someone when u have nowhere to go and no money to live off of? I don’t want to move in with my parents because we have done that before when we moved and had to sell our house and it wasn’t good. I just have no clue how to start the process to get divorced when I don’t have a job and no money.

  • Molly
    Dec 03

    Maybe talk about seperation but still supporting and helping eachother until you are both in a better spot financially.

  • Amanda
    Dec 03

    Not sure how that would work because we don’t have the extra money to spend on separate living. I just feel so lost and screwed because I don’t see a way out. I’ve been apply for jobs just this weekend so it will take some time because I don’t plan on working full time because we/I can’t afford daycare and don’t really want to but baby in daycare. Since that I feel like I should just work through it but on the other hand is it just making it worse working through something that keeps becoming a problem off and on. I feel like we have more good day then bad day but I don’t know how to determine when enough is enough. I think about going to c if my insurance will pay for me to talk to someone but if it doesn’t I can’t afford it.

  • Maria
    Dec 03

    How were things before the baby was born? How long have you been feeling this way? My personal belief is that anything in a relationship can be worked out aside from cheating and abuse. It isn't impossible to separate, and there is always state assistance to apply for, but if there is any hope at all for the relationship, don't give up.

  • Lana
    Dec 03

    No one can advise you to get a divorce if there isn’t something affecting your life in a bad way Like as you said you love him so he shouldn’t be that bad to leave him maybe you both need to spend some time away from all life dramas enjoy each other’s company Go on dates again You have a 16,15 they can take care of there siblings and get a college nanny that will not cost much People’s life changes after 1 child how about 7 children “god bless them” You might be depressed, haven’t done anything for yourself, haven’t interacted with anyone new since you stopped working Maybe all will change after you find a job

  • Amanda
    Dec 03

    We have always had ups and downs but life was finally getting on track when I was working full time and we actually had money to be able to go on date night but then I got pregnant and had to quit my job and the whole pregnancy was really bad. We weren’t planning to have another. I was the worst person to be around because I was so unhappy and miserable. I didn’t want another and it took me pretty much up to a month after having her that life was going to be ok. I love my daughter to the end of earth but i didn’t want another one.

  • Sarah
    Dec 03

    I think this depends on the problems you are having. Are they things that can be worked through together?

  • Amanda
    Dec 03

    I would think so but when I think we worked through it and all is going good all of the sudden something just makes a big turn for the worse. It is like a never ending battle that is on repeat. We have 7 kids so it can get pretty stressful at times and now we just had a kid get expelled from school for a whole yr. 😡 so if it isn’t one thing it is another. Which is any relationship I would assume. We just have to work through it but I feel like the more we work on it over time it gets tiring of having to fix the same things over and over. I think money is one of the biggest issues.

  • Maria
    Dec 04

    I think money is one of the biggest issues in any relationship, especially when there is a lack of it to cover basic needs and expenses. None of us know the details here, but so far, it sounds like things can work out for the better, in time. No relationship is perfect, no man is perfect nor any woman out there. But when we choose someone to share our lives with, I feel we need to step up and be their biggest supporter through all of the ups and downs, and them ours. And maybe it's more about focusing on what's working between you than what's not. This same problem that you're having, where you feel it's a cycle of repeat, what does it revolve around? Is there a way to compromise? Date nights are still doable on a budget. Leave the kids at home, pack up some food, and go share a meal away from home where it's just the two of you. Talk. Express your feelings. Share some love, too. Remind each other of your good times and why you fell in love. Why you chose each other to build your lives together.

  • Amanda
    Dec 04

    Thx for the kind words. It helps a lot just reading what your saying. I think it can be worked on and somewhat resolved. It will be hard and take time to figure it out but I’m hoping we can.