Posted in Behavior, Babies, Multiple Children

Worried about temperament of next baby

Anonymous

My first daughter is a dream. She was a really good infant, obviously has her toddler moment but overall is a great kid. She didn’t sleep through the night till about 12-13 months but it didn’t bother me. I listen to my friends tell horror stories about their “high needs babies” and I’m freaking out because I’m pregnant with my second and worried that what if my luck has run out after my first. She’s just so wonderful.

  • molly
    Mar 14

    Read Magda Gerber’s Dear Parent book. it will calm you down. you may also come to the conclusion that ‘high need ‘ babies are cultivated. there are personality differences but overall babies can be quite zen if we don’t interfere too much!

  • Kieli
    Mar 15

    People always say you end up with one easy kid and one hard ... but who knows. Kids are just mini adults, they have their own personalities, likes, interests, and feelings. You can’t control them, like your parents couldn’t control you especially at an infant/toddler age. One thing to look at as a positive, since your first is so good maybe she will be a really good helper!

  • Amanda
    Mar 15

    I actually love that I have a stubborn child. I've had people tell me he is high need but really. He just forces me to go with the flow a little more. He is so determined when he sets his mind to learning something whether it's self feeding potty training or walking I honestly feel like him being stubborn makes my life easier. I'm not saying he doesn't have moments where I want to scream. (Looking at you gnocchi was the wrong colour) but I'd never say he was a difficult child. Just a tiny human human with his own quirks. He's no more difficult for being a picky eater than I am. I think a lot of people run into issues when they have a strong willed child because they don't want to bend or be flexible or things that just aren't worth the fight. The only hard no I set with my son are common sense things like no he can not jump down the stairs. No he can not hit the baby. We spend a lot of time talking about consequences but I'm ok with that. Honestly it rubs me the wrong way when people say that perfectly normal kids are high need cause it seems to me what they usually mean by that is inconvenient for them. My second is 3 mo old and has a 100% different temperament than my son. It's a learning experience that she has different needs than he did at that age but that's kids.

  • Elle
    Mar 15

    This fear largely an American construct. Suggest reading "Bringing up Bébé;" it will put many of your fears to rest.

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Mar 16

    All babies are different. But all your babies will be wonderful. I wouldn’t go so far as to say you can follow some protocol and have another “perfect sleeper” they each are different and will have different challenges, but I wouldn’t worry about it so much. I don’t believe any baby is as hard as the first. You’ve got solutions and methods and knowledge and more patience than premomhood. You will have another wonderful child.