Posted in Marriage & Partnership, Babies, Toddlers

Worries about separation anxiety

So my husband is a wonderful man who works 60+ hours a week to provide a good life and so that I can be a sahm, which we both feel is best for our daughter. When he is home on the weekends, he is exhausted. My daughter has a healthy dose of separation anxiety. Pretty much every second she is right there or there is screaming and crying. In order to avoid the drama and added stress on him, I take her with me everywhere. To the shower, to the store, anything, while he relaxes. Plus we co sleep. There is no one to help with her. I have tried asking. People are just very... self focused. And there is no family close by. I worry about when she's older. Will she always need to be this close to me? Will she have a panic attack if we are separated? Does anyone have any experience with something like this?

  • Jenn
    Aug 03, 2018

    Its pretty typical for her age to have some separation anxiety. You could try hiring a mother's helper a few hours a week. Start with both of you there so your LO gets used to him/her. Then you can try going into other rooms and eventually leave the house to run errands. She will grow out of it eventually.

  • B
    Aug 03, 2018

    My son had HORRIBLE separation anxiety when he was younger. It seemed like he’d never grow out of it... but he totally did. It’s super hard and exhausting in the moment but it’ll pass and seem like a distant memory. He’s now 5 and is a super happy well adjusted kid who has no problems being apart from us. It sounds like what you’re going through is pretty typical. Also, maybe look into hiring an occasional babysitter on care.com. The socialization will be good for (despite any meltdowns she may have) and the break will help you recharge too. Hang in there, mama, it gets easier; the toddler years can be a bitch. 😩😉

  • Morgan
    Aug 03, 2018

    I feel the exact same way and my son is almost 13 months. Just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I would be willing to help if I lived closer-we don’t have any family close to us either. Hang in there.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 03, 2018

    If you can get a mother’s helper or babysitter for a few hours every week, and get your daughter used to her, then you can also take some time for yourself. SAHM work is full-on, so a little self-care can do you good. Or maybe I’m saying what I’d like to be told lol seriously, with my daughter, I tried half dozen babysitters, picked one that my daughter seemed to like (and me of course), sat with them to begin with, then slowly would go to the bathroom, then downstairs then I’d stay in the kitchen. Over few sessions, never forcing her and always responding to her if she calls for me, she got used to our regular sitter. Hope it works out for you!

  • Diana
    Aug 03, 2018

    Is going to be okay she is little she just wants you don’t be too worried about it I think you should just continue doing what your doing don’t hire anyone that will add cost and stress to hubby, I’m also a sahm and my husband works all week as much as yours and the weekends is when we get to see him and enjoy some time together, just relax and let some time pass your baby will get bigger and eventually will understand nothing that you are doing as a mother is wrong don’t worry about the co sleeping she feels safe and happy w you best of luck mama 😘

  • Lulu
    Aug 03, 2018

    Thanks Diana 🌹

  • Lulu
    Aug 03, 2018

    Thank you ladies for easing my fears!

  • Kelly
    Aug 05, 2018

    Just curious.....when does your husband interact with your daughter? If he’s working 60 hours a week and you’re mostly also doing solo care on the weekends to it sounds like he’s involved financially in her upbringing but maybe not physically/emotionally. Perhaps if your child had some quality time with dad she’d naturally be less dependent on you? I appreciate that he works a lot and is exhausted.....but you work an equal amount (albeit from home) and I’m sure are just as exhausted. Exhaustion is part of parenthood unfortunately, at least the early years,

  • Jade
    Aug 06, 2018

    This parenting business can be so tough! Sounds like you and your husband are doing the best you can for each other and your family. I agree with Jenn- separation anxiety is pretty common developmentally at your daughters age and this season will pass. Babies need lots of love from us so that they feel confident to gain independence once they're ready! Are there any parent groups in your community that you can get connected with? It might help to meet up with other moms and babies for support and the occasional babysitter. You're doing a great job LuLu!

  • Mare
    Aug 06, 2018

    I'm in a similar situation with my husband traveling a lot and family living 2 hours away so my son is with me all the time. I've found that doing things like library story time and music classes has helped me to still be with him but also get a chance to talk to other moms and feel like I'm getting a little break from being the constant entertainment.

  • Katie
    Aug 06, 2018

    This is a hard one, I know because my situation with my daughter was similar. She had a really tough time with separation anxiety. It might be a good idea to sign her up for daycare or preschool 1 or 2 half days a week so she gets used to other people caring for her. It will also give her the opportunity to play with other kids her age. Plus being a sahm is hard work and physically and emotionally draining, its important to have some alone time to recharge. She will still cry when you leave but it will be worse the longer you wait to start. Believe me separation anxiety is hard on both of you (maybe even harder on the parent, my daughter would act like it's the end of the world until about 30 secs after I was out of sight and then she would be fine. I, on the other hand, was left with the visual of her sadness on loop in my mind). I would get her used to it gradually so school isn't a big issue. If it becomes part of the routine she might start to look forward to it.

  • Elle
    Aug 22, 2018

    Daycare, even just part if the week or half-days or some other arrangement, sounds like it would do wonders in your situation.