Ask questions and get support on the adoption process, relationships with birth parents, domestic and international adoption, and more.

Rissa posted in Adoption Mar 07

1st birthday

So I’m adopted and I’ve invited both my birth parents and adoptive parents to my l.o. 1st birthday. My adoptive mom is extremely jealous that I have my birth mom involved. Please tell me all things that could go wrong bc I’m super nervous.

  • Rody the donkey
    Mar 14

    You should be sensitive to your adoptive mom’s feelings. Maybe treat bio mom at the same importance as an aunt. Talk to adoptive mom about it. Adoptive mom would’ve love to birth you herself. She shouldn’t have to feel like someone else is taking the valuable title of grandma away from her. This stuff matters. Also, talk to other adopted kids and see how they handled this problem themselves and... More

  • Elle
    Mar 21

    Be sensitive to your adoptive mom's feelings. No one wants to feel replaced or replaceable. Reassure her that no one -- not even the woman who gave birth to you -- could replace her as your MOM and your child's GRANDMA. I like the above idea of giving the bio mom something like aunt-like status, similar to how friends are sometimes aunt-so-and-so. Suggest sitting down separately wit... More

Kijuana posted in Adoption Jan 03

Hello I was wondering how some of you found a birth mother who was considering adoption?

  • Anonymous
    Jan 04

    An adoption agency is really the safest option. Everything is in writing, legally enforceable, and you know exactly what you’re getting into. As much as just “doing it yourself” has perks - better relationship with the birth mom, future contact, personal screening - the legal pitfalls are dangerous.

  • Jenny
    Jan 05

    I would agree. The legal pitfalls can be extremely dangerous and costly. The other route you could explore would be adoption consultants such as Adoption Information Services. This will help speed up the process as you will have the opportunity to be shown to birth moms all over the country via several agencies as well as adoption attorneys.

Step-Moms Situations

Any step-moms/ soon to be step-moms that can share their story and how their relationship is with the kids and bio mom? Especially when you come into their life when they are under 2 years old? Also, any biological Moms that have a step-mom in their kids life and how they feel about it? Do they call you Mom?

  • Anonymous
    Nov 13, 2018

    Each situation is so unique. I met my stepkids when they were 7 and 9. They are now 18 and 16. At first, we were very close with both kids (older is a boy, younger is a girl). I was especiallynclose with my stepdaughter and we always did everything together. When i started dating my husband, his relationahip with his ex-wife was very bad. They argued constantly and couldnt co-parent wel..... More

Future Foster

We are in the process of becoming a foster family with the possibility of adopting down the line. We have two children currently. Any advice on introducing our son (turning four this month) to the idea? How do we explain fostering to him?

  • Anonymous
    Nov 05, 2018

    I’m sure if you google there are kids books about fostering or adopting. My daughter does really well when we read books for a few days and then talk about it

Wanting to adopt - how is the process

We are hoping to adopt in about 2 years. From everyone’s experience, should we start paperwork now, or wait until we are actually ready in 2 years?

  • Jackie
    Oct 29, 2018

    Glad it helped! I also forgot to mention depending on what state you live in your homestudy has to be renewed every year, or every other year, so if you start paperwork early you may have to pay for a update for your initial homestudy. Last word of advice is take your time looking for a creditable adoption agency that really knows their stuff and supports you and the birth mom, it’s a big decis... More

  • Becca
    Oct 29, 2018

    You’re so awesome, thank you!!!

Anonymous posted in Adoption Oct 21, 2018

Anyone here adopted a child?

Anyone here adopted a child? I have one biological child and want another but do NOT (I can’t emphasize that enough) want to be pregnant again.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 28, 2018

    Adoption is amazing! Hard in different ways, but no harder than the biological route. We have an adopted son, now 3.5, met him 15 minutes after birth. We have an open adoption relationship with his birthparents who live about 3 hours away. Great experience with the open adoption agency we worked with in Portland.

  • Ivy
    Nov 03, 2018

    I always wanted to adopt since I was little. After being married and being pregnant with our 3rd, I for sure don't want to get pregnant again and would love to adopt in the future. Or even foster. My mom was adopted as her parents died when she was an infant. My in-laws have adopted family members (from when they were in Thailand) and have fostered a lot since moving to America. I think it&... More

Experience adopting within family?

My wife and I will be adopting from my cousin. Since we’ll see her fairly often, it will be an open adoption. We’re trying to figure out how to deal with introductions. For example, will my mother be our baby’s grandmother or aunt? Curious how others have handled this.

  • Caitlin
    Sep 18, 2018

    I’d treat relations as the same as you would another of your children, since you’re adopting. I’d say your mom becomes grandma, etc. Someday later when your kid can grasp the concept, you can talk about biological relations, including biological mother?


What are the requirements to adopt?


Does anyone’s 5 month old have seizure?

  • Melanie
    Sep 02, 2018

    My daughter gets febrile seizures. It didn’t start for her til she was 20 months bc she didn’t get sick a lot til starting daycare at 19 months.

  • Lesley
    Sep 02, 2018

    Did the seizure come after a fever?

Parents who adopted or went through a surrogate: How did you save up (financially) for the cost?

Parents who adopted or went through a surrogate: 1) What were the costs; 2) How did you save up (financially) ; 3) For how long did you save up? Anonymous posts welcome if the Q&A is a bit personal. Thank you!

  • Miriam
    Sep 02, 2018

    It's called Fertility Solutions International.

  • Addi
    Sep 25, 2018

    My sister adopted through foster care relatively cheaply

my 4 year old niece

So i am currently fostering my 4 year old neice (actually shes my boyfriends sisters little girl) i am having such a hard time with it. I love her so much but i also have a bio son and i feel how the connection is different. Her mom has severe paranoid schizophrenia and substance abuse problems cause her to loose this beautiful girl. She has been living with us for 8 months and with out her mom... More

  • Amy
    Aug 17, 2018

    You’re welcome cara. Good luck!

  • Jamie
    Aug 19, 2018

    There’s a program in San Diego called Home Start, maybe give them a call and see if they have anything in your area. My BFs son has been having a lot of issues due to his mom doing a lot of drugs while pregnant with him and completely abandoning him after a year. He just started with their therapy program but if you call and tell them your situation they will tell you if you qualify and will te... More

Foster parents

Out of curiosity how many foster parents are here? Is this a space mostly for birth parents?

  • Patricia
    Jul 28, 2018

    Foster parents are no different. <3

  • Jackie
    Sep 15, 2018

    Foster parent here to three under three. 😊

Anonymous posted in Adoption Jul 09, 2018

Adopting as white parents / Info on adoption?

Hello! I am new to Winnie, and it seems like a great place to create community and dialogue! Does anyone have any good literature/ information or personal experience about the intersections of adoption, race, diversity,and ethics ? Or just adoption in general? Adoption locally? Adoption from abroad? Adopting a baby, adopting an older child? My partner and I are considering adoption, very much... More

  • Simone
    Jul 14, 2018

    Heyyy! My friend just saw my message and she responded with some advice and her blog info. As far as books... I haven’t read transracial adoption books. I read and follow thought leaders in different communities. There are some online forums too. I recently spoke at a conference on transracial adoption, here are my top advice: 1. Try not to bring your children into spaces w... More

  • Anonymous
    Jul 18, 2018

    Thank you all, this has been a really helpful start !!

Anonymous posted in Adoption May 07, 2018


My husband and I have been married now for 5 years! I have a 6 year old son and together we have a 18mo old son. About a year ago I decided to terminate the parental rights with my 6 year old’s birth father. My husband is all my son knows and the only male figure in his life that he has addressed as dad. My husband and I have decided to go through the adoption process to make things official on... More

  • Anonymous
    Jun 13, 2018

    @Krissy no it is not hard as long as the birth father is willing

  • Anonymous
    Jun 13, 2018

    Thank you all for your kind words! We went through with it and as of this week my husband officially adopted my son!

Anyone have ways to help a child dealing with anger? We adopted our three babies 1,2,3 yo they are all siblings. All of them had the same behaviors that were obviously learned from birth parents. My middle child now turning 6 is what I believe to be the brightest and yet he seems to remember more of his past and is still very angry! Response to everything is anger. The other two children have... More

  • Roman corona
    Mar 21, 2018

    I would say that you love them very much and try to get to the bottom of their anger and try to solve it

  • Kim
    Mar 22, 2018

    I had a child in play therapy with a great therapist. But the biggest change we saw was when I stopped getting emotional. I read a book called Explosive child. It helped me and then the child quit mirroring my anxiety as anger. It is hard. Thank you for adopting these kids that’s amazing.

Anonymous posted in Adoption Mar 15, 2018

I have a question about Children and Youth, as of last week I got a call from them saying that they needed me to be my 9 year old nephew's primary caregiver since my mother, who has guardianship of him, had a stroke. (mom's not in the picture that's not in the picture) So I said yes. Now they called me earlier this week saying that they wanted to come over for a home inspection. Now... More

  • E
    Mar 15, 2018

    This all happened so quickly. I don’t think it would be out of place to ask social services for guidance with readying the house and supporting a smooth transition. It’s a big change for you, your son, and nephew.

  • Lisa
    Mar 20, 2018

    They will make sure medicines are locked (either magnet lock or with a key), make sure he has his own bed, and that utilities work. Nothing to be concerned about, they just need to check in since he’s a county placement

Where are all the adoptive parents!? Would love to hear your adoption stories! My husband and I adopted our son when he was 7 months old and he just turned two this last December! We went thru an amazing local agency and that's how we discovered the beauty of open adoption! ♡

  • Lisa
    Mar 02, 2018

    I have accepted the experience as what it took to get us our little angel, so I am grateful. I know many are still waiting and many have had even worse experiences than us. I share only to provide an alternative view of the process. I would hate for anyone to go into it without knowing the range of outcomes.

  • Meg
    Mar 02, 2018

    I agree!

I recently took in my (almost) 3 year old nephew due to crappy family issues. For almost 3 years he has had almost no rules or boundaries. Now that he is at my house, when I say no he either just stares at me like he doesn’t understand what I am saying, or has a meltdown, or starts hitting and kicking other people. My kids have had rules from the beginning so I am at a loss over how to handle... More

  • Jenn
    Feb 07, 2018

    Thank you so much everyone for all the feedback! I have been feeling so overwhelmed with everything going on and it feels so great to have positive feedback and support!

  • Araci
    Apr 28, 2018

    Currently I’m taking this parenting class in which we learned to swap out the word “NO”. It’s a bit challenging especially if you’re so used to always using that word but with practice you start to get the hang of it. The reason why the word no becomes ineffective is ‘cause kids only hear part of the command. So if you’re saying “No running.” try “Walk please.” It’s a great way to start setting... More

Any foster/adoptive parents in here?

  • Jen
    Apr 29, 2018

    We adopted two boys ages 3 and 5 in 2015. It has been a journey but they are amazing

  • Jenny
    Mar 20

    I have 2 beautiful babies adopted from foster care and I’d say it’s way easier to give birth if that’s an option and if not being pregnant is the only obstacle. Raising kids w/other families out there is complicated, and even done legally and thru orgs, you DON’T always know what ur getting into. Both my kids have various special needs issues I never saw coming when I met them and the whole bir... More

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