Divorce & Separation

Advice and support for navigating divorce, separation, custody issues, talking to children about divorce, child support, and more.

I did it. I separated from my abusive husband.

2 days later I found out I was pregnant. Now I have a high risk pregnancy (16 weeks along) and a 2 year old and I'm a single mom. I feel completely lost. Like a puzzle piece without a puzzle. I have no idea what to do, where to turn, where do I belong. Before this I was a sahm. Now what?? Any advice for me?

  • Lulu
    Sep 20

    Thank you Ivy

  • Katrina
    Sep 23

    glad to hear you left the abusive situation. no one deserves that. going forward it's your body and your choice what you want to do. you have full power to decided what is best for you & your 2 yo. there is no wrong choice. find support services, where he cannot easily find you. search online for single mothers support groups or support for domestic violence survivors, this may help yo... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Sep 05

How to deal with ex-wife when kids are adults

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. He was previously married for 22 years and has 2 adult children ages 35 and 38 with his ex-wife. They communicated multiple times daily with texts and phone calls and 99% of the time it was not about the kids. When he and I started seeing each other it was obvious she was still in love with him...even though she's been married for 10 years... More

  • Anonymous
    Sep 25

    sorry to hear you're dealing with this BS. if your husband is serious about YOU, he really needs to put his foot down and decide which side of the fence he is on. It's not fair to you for him to let this go on. co-parenting is the reality everyone has to deal with, but there is levels of respect that come with it. if your husband is going to continue to let his ex-wife disrespect you, t... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Aug 25

What would you do if your SO decided to be a part time parent?

My husband left saying he’s not cut out for relationships. He said he doesn’t want to be tied down and wants to do what he wants when he wants. So he’s getting his place and wants the kids on his day off. He’s not gonna sacrifice anything he’s in school full time he’s getting a full time job and he wants to join organizations. I’m left to figure things out and let him be the fun dad on the days... More

  • Ivy
    Sep 01

    He has a right to see his kids, but the real narrative here, is that your kiddos have every right to have a committed father, and you have every right to not put up with an uncommitted partner. I’m so sorry you have to even deal with this. It’s not fair to you and your children, and even the rest of your families who have to deal with the rippling effects, caused by one person who can only th... More

  • Anonymous
    Sep 15

    Lawyer. Now. Don't drag it out. He is not the only one affecting them negatively in this situation. Kids will see right through you... you cannot hide your emotions about this from them. You being upset about the lack of stability/predictability will come out around them and will affect them. Don't wait around for him to decide wtf he's doing. Take action.. please, for the mental he... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Aug 11

Dating after divorce

I have been divorced twice, with one child from each marriage. My kids are 4 and 7. I have been through extensive therapy to determine why I keep choosing the wrong type of personality traits in a partner, as well as my own issues, and after 2 years I believe I’m finally ready to find the right person. I’m very concerned that I won’t be able to find someone who will be willing to handle dealing... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 13

    Thanks, that’s so nice to hear you found someone without even looking! And gives me hope! I just can’t imagine someone willing to deal with 2x the pickups/dropoffs, texts/calls, stress, jealousy, etc. ☹️

  • Anonymous
    Sep 13

    Yes! Don’t lose hope! You will find someone, there’s over a billion guys in this world. There is someone for you & your kids💕 Maybe don’t let him in on all the 411 regarding the dads. I am very open with my fiancé about my ex on everything. But I’ve noticed he does get jealous & insecure sometimes, so I keep some stuff to myself.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Aug 09

Tips, First Time going to Court..

Currently waiting for court day (mediation) My childs Father has 2 other kids from 2 Different Girls and has visitation for both those kids every other weekend.. 1 is court ordered and the other is verbal agreement but still pays child support.. I did get a lawyer to help me out .. i hope it won’t be a waist of money . but i truly feel that my kids father should only get my kid every other wee... More

  • B
    Aug 09

    Talk to your lawyer ahead of time about what you want, and what proof you should bring.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jul 30

How do you maintain a relationship with a SO that leaves you

We have two kids, he decided he couldn’t be a full time dad because it was holding him back from his aspirations and he isn’t meant for monogamous relationship (marriage) so he didn’t to separate. He says he cares about me and I’m the best wife anyone could’ve asked for etc. It just hurts so much. I’m so angry. But I need to try and swallow all that to have a healthy co parentship for the few... More

  • B
    Jul 31

    That’s his problem, not yours. He can take them to the playground. I mean, it’s petty. And you’d be nice to let him see them at your house. But if it’s too hard now and you need some space it isn’t an unreasonable ask. You can communicate via email or text about the kids if needed.

  • Anonymous
    Jul 31

    My daughter's father blocked my phone, email, and all social media after realizing I would not abort our daughter. He abandoned her the first year of her life Its infuriating and he disgusts me, but a week before her first birthday he contacted me. He lives in another state and cant afford a hotel so when he visits he stays in my house. Its uncomfortable for me but I make the sacrifice for... More

Leaving daughters father

I'm wanting to move out with my daughter. What do I do? Any suggestions?

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Jul 26

Boundaries with coparenting

My ex and I get along well, we are both engaged to new partners, we have a 6 year old that lives with me and stays with him one night a week. Our son just had surgery and has a 2 week recovery, so he won’t be able to go back and forth between houses. He is going to stay with me since he is mostly always here. His dad insists he should be able to come and spend time with him for a couple hours, ... More

  • Anonymous
    Jul 27

    I disagree with your fiance. I live with my boyfriend and my daughter. Her father tends to come up once a month to visit. When he does, he stays in our house (he would never be able to afford a hotel stay) and we cover food. I dont like my ex. My boyfriend doesn't like my ex. The visits aren't always super comfortable, but we love our child. Her father is finally making an effort to be ... More

  • Serrina F.
    Wednesday

    I'm in a similar situation like yours with my oldest son and his father who has a wife and another child together and than there's my fiance whom I have a child with. So what I would say to that is to have a sit down with all the adults to make everyone as comfortable as possible and come to some kind of agreement, understanding. Especially being that this is a special situation with a... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jul 24

Separation parents with a 2 year old

Hello, I didn’t think I will post this one day but this is happening. I am thinking about leaving my husband after 11 years together... Our little one is only 2. I would love some feedback on how to handle the situation to protect her. Thank you...

  • Anonymous
    Jul 25

    Gotcha. I mean, she’s little but there are lots of books you can read with her repeatedly to explain it. It’ll be an adjustment. They say to try to find a way to put your differences aside and be good co-parents, and coming to agreement on how pto do that.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jun 24

Custody

Anyone have stories on custody fights? Is it possible to win full custody if there is no abuse present? There is no abuse present but when it comes to the children, ex doesn’t do anything in terms of education, medical, hair cuts, cutting fingernails, and is terrible at communicating never replies back first time. Thank you

  • Anonymous
    Jul 25

    If the ex has no abusive history yet shows even some interest in spending time w/ their kids, they will be awarded custody in some form. A healthy relationship with two parents only benefits the child. Just remember that. Good luck.

  • Aria
    Aug 26

    Im going through that myself. I live in Cali and in Cali, courts tend to rule for joint custody especially when the child is young like mine who is two years old. I’m filing for joint custody which means both of you make the decision on the child’s welfare and that you more likely cannot leave your city without the other’s approval but the key point is that I will have physical custody which me... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jun 23

Husband isn’t happy with family life

Our first pregnancy was unplanned, and second we planned so our first wouldn’t be lonely. Lately we argue once a week it feels like and he stays over somewhere else when we go. He’s said he resents me and the kids (toddler and infant) and he misses his old life and he had dreams and now it’s on the back burner. I don’t have sex with him as much because ever since the babies it hurts and he comp... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jun 21

Scared to leave

I want to leave my husband, but I’m too scared to be on my own. I’m currently a SAHM with nothing but a high school diploma. I just don’t see how it’s possible for me to financially support my baby if I leave. I will be able to stay with my mom for a while, but eventually I’d like us to live on our own. What kind of jobs do you single parents have? I know daycare is ridiculously expensive. Thi... More

  • Wendy
    Aug 09

    you are scared of change.. there’s a difference. you say you don’t know what to do but you just said you can stay at your moms, “husband” can help out either through verbal agreement or child support. anything is possible!! just ask the single mammas out there.. i’m doing it 🙌🏽 trust once you get the ball rolling you’ll look back and say WHY DIDNT I LEAVE SOONER! ❤️ Kids are really not that ex... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jun 18

Adult Child Of Divorce

Anyone on here an adult child of divorce/separation? My parents are in their 50s and potentially going to split. Even though I saw this coming, I suddenly feel lost and confused. I'm pregnant with our second and trying my best not to let it stress me out. Part of me feels forced to take sides and the other part feels like I want to be left out of their mess. I really wish they would both ju... More

  • Kelsey
    Jun 20

    My parents separated when I was in my late 20s and it was so hard. There was some infidelity involved so it was hard not to pick sides but it's important that you try not to. I agree that anyone who goes through a divorce needs to talk to a professional because it is a very traumatic experience and I think theres usually underlying issues as well. I would just encourage them and support them.

  • Rachel
    Jun 20

    Similar to another poster, my dad decided to leave my mom the year I got married. It was especially dramatic bc he was essentially leaving her for his coworker that we all somewhat knew beforehand (after 31 years of marriage). In any event, the first year was the hardest on me and my two sisters. We were put in the position to keep our mom together while my dad essentially ignored us and tried ... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jun 16

Newly single mom

Me and his dad are still together til our lease is up in February. We are cordial but it's hard to set boundaries when grieving under the same roof. Do any other single parents have advice for going through a breakup while still living together? I'm especially having a tough time with accepting the breakup as valid and permanent. I really never wanted to be a single mom but here I am. ... More

  • anonymous mom
    Aug 09

    You can’t move on until you physically move on. At least that’s been my observation of others going through the same thing. I would honestly reevaluate sticking it out until February. It sucks, but breaking a lease and eating the $$ required to do so would make a lot more sense to me than living with my ex for the next 6 months.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation May 26

Fiance wants to break up, we have a 2 year old

I feel like a failure of a mother as now I’ll have two different children with two different dads. My first marriage ended amicably and I get along great with my ex and we co parent very well. I’ve been with my current fiancé almost 4 years and he never wants to spend time with us, all he does is work and lay around the house. We’ve gone to therapy, I’ve begged him to spend more time with his c... More

  • Anonymous
    May 26

    Get a lawyer. Both dads should be paying child support

Anonymous posted in Blended Families May 18

Out of state custody

I am looking into moving to another state in order to get away from my daughter’s father- he is really not a safe person. I know I need to be in a new state for 182 days in order to gain jurisdiction there. Does anyone have experience in this type of situation that could offer me advice or pleasant stories (I’m terrified to do this). Much love! Thank you!

  • Anya levonavna
    May 20

    I was in a very similar situation I’m 2012 when I found myself in a toxic marriage with an abusive man. We lived in PA but I was from New York City and still had a lot of strong ties there. I took my two year old son and left in the middle of the night. My husband came several times to try to take our son back but as soon as he would show up I d call the police. I went to the precinct and I spo... More

  • Anonymous
    May 24

    Anya, thank you! How did you get jurisdiction? My biggest question now is what do I need to do right away so that I can prove that I have been there 6 months when the time comes?

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation May 16

Any tips on a custody battle?

Any tips on a custody battle, I’ve been trying to avoid, but it just seems more and more likely that we will have to go down this road

  • Naomi
    May 17

    Don’t approach it as a battle. Approach it as a series of sessions designed to plan the best most secure present and future for the children. If emotions are too high, seek a neutral moderator or arbitrator and hew to their suggestions. Peace and calm in the family, even if it’s a broken family, will be far more important to the children in the long run that who has who for weekends, etc.

  • Aria
    Aug 26

    I second on holding your emotions back and can be construed as “malicious parent syndrome”. Read this, this is what most lawyers tell fathers https://dadsdivorce.com/articles/ten-things-you-can-do-to-sabotage-your-custody-battle/ read it and avoid what they describe here. Mothers tend to be emotional and point out every single little thing, judges tend to hate these types and because of it, fat... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation May 06

What’s in a name?

I was hoping to gather some ideas.... I’m not sure how to teach my 19 month old daughter who her deadbeat birth father is. I cannot bring myself to call him her “dad” or “dada” or “daddy” because those terms seem more enduring and imply a close relationship, which he does not have with her. (He sees her/asks to see her about 1 time a month and ends up just taking pictures to post on social medi... More

  • Lily
    May 09

    I would say just use his first name. Seems appropriate for someone who is only seen once a month

  • Briana
    Jun 15

    I would go with father.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Apr 30

I feel stuck.

I’m a SAHM with a 23 month old, and currently pregnant. I’d really like to leave my husband; I feel like he finds joy in putting me down and finding fault in everything I do; but Before our daughter was born we’d decided I’d stay home to raise her. Now I have no job, and rely on my husband for financial support. I have no family or friends that I can turn to. Does anyone have any advice? PS:... More

  • Anonymous
    Jun 12

    Hi there I just wanted to check-in and see how you’re doing? Sounds like a really hard situation. I’m in an unhappy marriage with two kids under two years and struggle. I fantasise about leaving, but also have issues of dependence. I’m in awe of your (and some of the above posters’) courage. How are you doing now?

  • Mysticnocturne
    Jul 11

    My cousin was in a similar situation, but three young kids and not pregnant. Her counselor told her that every paycheck she was to secretly hide some money as a nest egg for leaving. She also needed to make a solid plan on how she was going to leave with 4 people. By plane? By car? By train? How much would that cost? What supplies would she need to make that happen? Where would she relocate an... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Apr 30

Single co-parent depression

Any single parents with joint custody that could give advice on depression while away from your child? I do understand this can be personal but when I’m away from my daughter it leaves me with no motivation to do anything. I’ve tried activities, burying myself in my work, gym, dating (made it worse) and even getting a puppy. Nothing can break this void of missing my daughter To make it wor... More

  • Sj
    May 03

    I get a court ordered call each night at 7:30 which he doesn’t allow most days. It’s the not raising my babies half the time. Such grief and loss... like a half death

  • Wendy
    Aug 09

    I am in the same boat right now. I found myself barried in my bed sleeping all day depressed. i patiently wait for his arrival by the door.

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