Divorce & Separation

Advice and support for navigating divorce, separation, custody issues, talking to children about divorce, child support, and more.

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Saturday

Out of state custody

I am looking into moving to another state in order to get away from my daughter’s father- he is really not a safe person. I know I need to be in a new state for 182 days in order to gain jurisdiction there. Does anyone have experience in this type of situation that could offer me advice or pleasant stories (I’m terrified to do this). Much love! Thank you!

  • Anonymous
    Today

    If you leave without his consent it might legally be considered kidnapping? Maybe talk to a lawyer before taking action, so that you have some legal footing?

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Thursday

Any tips on a custody battle?

Any tips on a custody battle, I’ve been trying to avoid, but it just seems more and more likely that we will have to go down this road

  • Naomi
    Friday

    Don’t approach it as a battle. Approach it as a series of sessions designed to plan the best most secure present and future for the children. If emotions are too high, seek a neutral moderator or arbitrator and hew to their suggestions. Peace and calm in the family, even if it’s a broken family, will be far more important to the children in the long run that who has who for weekends, etc.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation May 06

What’s in a name?

I was hoping to gather some ideas.... I’m not sure how to teach my 19 month old daughter who her deadbeat birth father is. I cannot bring myself to call him her “dad” or “dada” or “daddy” because those terms seem more enduring and imply a close relationship, which he does not have with her. (He sees her/asks to see her about 1 time a month and ends up just taking pictures to post on social medi... More

  • Anonymous
    May 07

    You could use his first name? That way no relationship is implied or guaranteed. If you’d also like to include paternity, you could go with something that’s less casual & perhaps less affectionate: father, donor, kin?

  • Lily
    May 09

    I would say just use his first name. Seems appropriate for someone who is only seen once a month

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Apr 30

I feel stuck.

I’m a SAHM with a 23 month old, and currently pregnant. I’d really like to leave my husband; I feel like he finds joy in putting me down and finding fault in everything I do; but Before our daughter was born we’d decided I’d stay home to raise her. Now I have no job, and rely on my husband for financial support. I have no family or friends that I can turn to. Does anyone have any advice? PS:... More

  • Jenn
    May 02

    Are there any domestic violence shelters near you? Sounds like maybe a DV situation. You can call the hotline and they will help you XXX-XXXX

  • Sj
    May 03

    Get your ducks in a row before you leave. Find an income and place to live that’s stable. Don’t go until you do. And keep in mind he will have joint custody even if the baby. It’s a hard fact but you will have half the time of your children’s life. I left without a solid plan and without knowing this.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Apr 30

Single co-parent depression

Any single parents with joint custody that could give advice on depression while away from your child? I do understand this can be personal but when I’m away from my daughter it leaves me with no motivation to do anything. I’ve tried activities, burying myself in my work, gym, dating (made it worse) and even getting a puppy. Nothing can break this void of missing my daughter To make it wor... More

  • Anonymous
    May 03

    We have an agreement that we follow closely between us adults - video chat at 7 pm every night for the kids and the “away” parent. It helps everyone catch up on news, say hello & I love you, & helps keep away the loneliness a bit. It’s not perfect but it’s something.

  • Sj
    May 03

    I get a court ordered call each night at 7:30 which he doesn’t allow most days. It’s the not raising my babies half the time. Such grief and loss... like a half death

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Apr 19

Abusive ex

I have a 1 year old with an ex that is both verbally and physically abusive to me and my son (just in the little amount of time he sees him), as well as a drug addict. He has basically had no interest in our child (only saw him a couple times a month by choice and always under supervision). About a month ago I served him with custody papers to officially get sole custody. Now all of a sudden he... More

  • Sj
    May 03

    Document everything! Email your ex do not talk on phone. Offer supervised visits offer phone calls. Show the court you want his involvement only if he is safely supervised. If you have proof of his abuse show it and don’t hold back. You don’t want the court to give him joint custody. Play hardball. Most courts will give dads custody unless you can show/ prove abuse either domestic or drugs. If ... More

Toddler having a rough time

My ex boyfriend and i split up and are having a rough time with our two year old son with coping. We moved apart and we separated at the same time. He has been extra sensitive. If i ask if he needs to go potty, he responds with whining and screaming no no no nooo. I just say oh okay. But he gets angry and starts crying telling me to ask him again where he cries and whines some more. Its very st... More

  • Anonymous
    Apr 15

    I’m sorry about the breakup and the struggles with your little one. I think it will just take time. I’m not sure how long you’ve been apart but it’s hard on kids at first. As long as you’re both spending quality time with him and you listen when he’s upset that’s all you can really do. Get on his level, give lots of hugs, and heat him out. Good luck!!

  • Tara
    Apr 15

    I’m also very sorry to hear about your break-up and the struggles you’re facing. I second anonymous’ suggestion re cuddles, quality time, listening and talking to him on his own level. My parents split when I was under 2, and if it’s any conciliation, they managed to foster a healthy relationship, and that’s all I know of their relationship... so I hope your son settles into this break-up, and ... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Mar 20

Any of you guys going through custody battles with an ex once you have sued for child support?

  • Taylor
    Mar 20

    yes. i finally got him to sign an agreement my lawyer made because he figured he would get basically nothing going to court

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Mar 17

New boyfriend

How long should I wait to bring my son around my new boyfriend? I've been good friends with my bf for almost 10 years now, but we didn't start being a couple until recently. When and how should I tell my child's father? My child's father and I have been broken up for almost 2 years, but still living together until about a month ago. My child's father and I had no issues no... More

  • Kerry
    Mar 18

    Did your child know your bf before you started dating? How old is your child? Imo if youve known him for that long and trust him have him around your son but as a friend to him not a “father/dad” figure. The father cant dictate who you have around your son unless it puts your son in danger or a bad situation. If you have good friends and family, then have them around your son. Specially if you ... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Mar 17

Separation and Coparenting

My ex and I are trying to create a parenting agreement without having to go to court. Are there any ideas on what for sure needs to be in it? Or ideas on things that are good to include or not include?

  • Mary
    Mar 19

    I just filed my separation agreement, divorce final in 30 days... We used a mediator as we are very amicable and only used the court to file. Our SA has the following in it: Custody - list out who has legal and physical... it could 50/50 for both. Parenting schedule - who has who and when... list out the every day - what a typical week looks like. And then add in all the caveats; thanksgiving... More

  • Laura
    Mar 28

    If it’s “not so amicable” you would want to add that when the child is visiting, parents should encourage contact with the other parent. The contact should only be positive in nature and initiated only twice a day, with child’s contact amount 24/7. Also state in the Agreement that there are to be no disparaging comments made by ANYONE, to or around the child. Also specify which parent is re... More

Childish grandparents ruining my baby’s day

How do other parents handle divorced grandparents that act like high schoolers? This is not the first incident with them not getting along when it comes to celebrating the baby. The gender reveal party was a nightmare. I am planning my daughters 2nd birthday & it’s difficult for me because my step mother is not a fan of me & my mom. She has actually said that if my mom is there my sh... More

  • Lindsey
    Mar 09

    I have so much experience with this... and it took me a long time but you need to set boundaries with them. And your dad should stand up to her and be there for his grandchild. You need to say this is a party for my child and if you act inappropriate don’t come at all. Your child does not need toxic people in her life. It is a hard thing to do but so necessary.

  • T
    May 09

    Is your dad not an adult? Is he not capable of standing in his truth? If so then he actually IS to blame. Once children are in the picture it becomes about doing what is best for them. Good luck 🍀

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Feb 27

Remarried with two children

So I had my first child with my first husband and my second child with my current husband. My first child and my current husband have always butt heads since me and him got together. He has always been very respectful, compassionate and respectful of her feelings. But yet she treats him as second best even when he goes above and beyond to try to earn her love and respect. Any suggestions from a... More

  • Sammyjo
    Mar 14

    She's probably just feels he's trying to replace her real father since she barely sees him

  • Anonymous
    Apr 09

    Thank you Sammyjo for your advice!

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Feb 19

Separation

How often do you talk to your ex when there’s a child involved ? My daughter is 16 months. How often does he call or come by to see child? Idk how to go about this

  • Anonymous
    Feb 21

    It might be a good idea to get your lawyer or family mediator involved so that any agreement on custody can be enforced.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 21

    Okay I’ll talk to a lawyer. Thank you guys !

I love my family

I love my wife of almost 7yrs, who’s also my baby momma of a Beautiful healthy 2yr old. But she told me she needs time apart for a while. It’s been two months, something like that apart. And I still can’t forget her. I feel like she doesn’t loves me anymore. But Idk. She says she does but i don’t see it in her eyes. So... Any Ideas ?

  • Karla
    Feb 14

    I have been with my husband for 10 year and married for 3 years and I can honestly say I also remember a patch of us wanting to be apart. We worked through our problems but would suggest counseling as well. Idk how much time one needs apart from a spouse to figure out what you wanna do next in life or who you want to spend life with. Wish you well!

  • Alan
    Feb 15

    Thank you

Any single parents out there going through the dilemma ??

I separated from my (soon to be ex) husband just over a year ago, and I find im still struggling to adjust to the change. While it has nothing to do with him, I find im having a hard time getting things done. For instance, I want to start exercising, going out, do activities with the kids, but I find it much too hard. My job schedule is really inconvenient, and it usually conflicts with anythin... More

  • Traci
    Feb 01

    I feel the exact same way. Thanks for the suggestions

  • Alan
    Feb 18

    Is there daddy groups ?

Co parenting with another parent who’s stubborn?

I’ve been having trouble trying to figure out a good way to share custody with my sons father, he’s very rude and stubborn as heck. Any time we talk it turns into an argument. How can I approach this differently, or to come to an agreement?

  • Destinee
    Jan 18

    It might be a good ideas to consider a mediator. Then you have a professional putting all expectations in writing and it’s clear to all parties. and if anyone goes against it you can go to court.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jan 05

Separating after baby comes

Husband and I are pregnant with baby #2 and have a very volatile relationship. Neither of us are happy and have tried counseling, etc to try to make it work. Baby #2 was a surprise and we had previously agreed to separate before we found out I was pregnant. Long story short, after baby comes we will be splitting and co-parenting. We have decided this on good terms, no anger or hostility just sa... More

  • Anonymous
    Jan 07

    I have a friend who did exactly this. It has been much better for their kids to co-parent but not be together. They live really close to each other to make the logistics easy. It will be hard in the beginning but just know you're doing the best thing for yourself and your kids.

  • Sandra
    Feb 01

    Before I got pregnant my babies father and I were having issues, I was going to break up with him,then I found out I was pregnant and tried to make it work for about 3 months before realizing that I did not want to be with him.I knew that for your kids you have to be okay for them to be okay,it will be hard at first because you’re going to need help,and since you will be separated,it’s going to... More

Help!

My five year old stepson Andrew is with us 5 days/wk. with his mother on weekends. She got a new bf (Matt, who lives two hours away) and because the courts gave her all thanksgiving day, she took him to his house and they stayed the whole thanksgiving weekend. She has made him call the new bf - second one since September - MattyDaddy right from the start. She’s trying to replace his dad and get... More

  • Erin
    Apr 01

    It sounds like she is toxic and emotionally abusive. If you can’t get her out of his life I would suggest your only other chance at peace would be consulting a professional on this one. Find a child psychologist who isn’t also a lunatic. They are flawed humans too like everyone else so do your homework. This is a super difficult situation to be in and you need all the help you can get.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Dec 12, 2018

Anyone have any luck getting Sole and legal custody

My daughter has been living with me for 6 years. Her dad comes in and out ever 6 months or so. Last time he was away for over a year. He recently popped at her school because his mom threatened to kick him out the house. Now I’m finding out I have no control if he takes her or not. I always thought I had sole custody because child support said he is the non custodial parent. He tells my daughte... More

  • Teena
    Dec 13, 2018

    You absolutely need a lawyer, but do your own research on your state laws on the requirements to terminate parental rights. Most states will not allow this unless there is another person/parent willing to step in and adopt. Your situation sounds almost the same as what I went through for years with my oldest and I finally was able to terminate his rights on the grounds of abandonment.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 27, 2018

    This a mistake a lot of people make in assuming they have more rights over the child than the other parent. Child support is a separate issue than custody or visitation. While you can file for sole custody on your own having a lawyer will help because they know your states laws. Also if you can prove the dad has been in and out of her life. My nieces mom disappeared when she was 22 months old l... More

Separate parenting issues

This would be my first post on here. Really hoping to get some real insight and advice.. my daughter who just turned 10 yrs, recently started seeing her dad again. He hasn't seen her in over a yr. Anyway, my daughter tells me he has been bad mouthing me to her and saying things that aren't true. Things like me using her against him (which isn't true) . I was actually the parent tryi... More

  • Angie
    Dec 14, 2018

    Hmmm, thats a tough one cuz you need to stop this but dont want to lose her trust. Try explaining to her that secrets are not to be kept between adults and children. Honestly, do you know if your ex is a narcissist? This sounds like behavior of a narc. I just recently permanently stopped communication and visitation with my childs father for many unhealthy reasons due to being a malignant cover... More

  • SWAGGERDAD
    Dec 14, 2018

    Hey, I think you should have a talk with him and when I say "talk "not about bad mouthing you but Have a conversation, by the looks of it he's hurting inside, that why he's bad mouthing you to his daughter. As a Man and a Father I don't agree with he's action, he's wrong for doing that and using his daughter against her mom. He thinks he's hurting you by bad... More

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