Divorce & Separation

Advice and support for navigating divorce, separation, custody issues, talking to children about divorce, child support, and more.

Co parenting with another parent who’s stubborn?

I’ve been having trouble trying to figure out a good way to share custody with my sons father, he’s very rude and stubborn as heck. Any time we talk it turns into an argument. How can I approach this differently, or to come to an agreement?

  • Destinee
    Friday

    It might be a good ideas to consider a mediator. Then you have a professional putting all expectations in writing and it’s clear to all parties. and if anyone goes against it you can go to court.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jan 05

Separating after baby comes

Husband and I are pregnant with baby #2 and have a very volatile relationship. Neither of us are happy and have tried counseling, etc to try to make it work. Baby #2 was a surprise and we had previously agreed to separate before we found out I was pregnant. Long story short, after baby comes we will be splitting and co-parenting. We have decided this on good terms, no anger or hostility just sa... More

  • Diane
    Jan 05

    I haven't been through this but wanted to give you support and say it sounds like you and your husband will be a better team apart than together. In this case, drastic change will make life better. You may find it easier because you won't be drained by dealing with your husband and can focus all your energy on your kids and yourself. You may even get more breaks as a single mom than if ... More

  • Anonymous
    Jan 07

    I have a friend who did exactly this. It has been much better for their kids to co-parent but not be together. They live really close to each other to make the logistics easy. It will be hard in the beginning but just know you're doing the best thing for yourself and your kids.

Elissa posted in Behavior Dec 26

Help!

My five year old stepson Andrew is with us 5 days/wk. with his mother on weekends. She got a new bf (Matt, who lives two hours away) and because the courts gave her all thanksgiving day, she took him to his house and they stayed the whole thanksgiving weekend. She has made him call the new bf - second one since September - MattyDaddy right from the start. She’s trying to replace his dad and get... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Dec 12

Anyone have any luck getting Sole and legal custody

My daughter has been living with me for 6 years. Her dad comes in and out ever 6 months or so. Last time he was away for over a year. He recently popped at her school because his mom threatened to kick him out the house. Now I’m finding out I have no control if he takes her or not. I always thought I had sole custody because child support said he is the non custodial parent. He tells my daughte... More

  • Teena
    Dec 13

    You absolutely need a lawyer, but do your own research on your state laws on the requirements to terminate parental rights. Most states will not allow this unless there is another person/parent willing to step in and adopt. Your situation sounds almost the same as what I went through for years with my oldest and I finally was able to terminate his rights on the grounds of abandonment.

  • Anonymous
    Dec 27

    This a mistake a lot of people make in assuming they have more rights over the child than the other parent. Child support is a separate issue than custody or visitation. While you can file for sole custody on your own having a lawyer will help because they know your states laws. Also if you can prove the dad has been in and out of her life. My nieces mom disappeared when she was 22 months old l... More

Separate parenting issues

This would be my first post on here. Really hoping to get some real insight and advice.. my daughter who just turned 10 yrs, recently started seeing her dad again. He hasn't seen her in over a yr. Anyway, my daughter tells me he has been bad mouthing me to her and saying things that aren't true. Things like me using her against him (which isn't true) . I was actually the parent tryi... More

  • Angie
    Dec 14

    Hmmm, thats a tough one cuz you need to stop this but dont want to lose her trust. Try explaining to her that secrets are not to be kept between adults and children. Honestly, do you know if your ex is a narcissist? This sounds like behavior of a narc. I just recently permanently stopped communication and visitation with my childs father for many unhealthy reasons due to being a malignant cover... More

  • SWAGGERDAD
    Dec 14

    Hey, I think you should have a talk with him and when I say "talk "not about bad mouthing you but Have a conversation, by the looks of it he's hurting inside, that why he's bad mouthing you to his daughter. As a Man and a Father I don't agree with he's action, he's wrong for doing that and using his daughter against her mom. He thinks he's hurting you by bad... More

I need some support from my other mom's on here me and my feonca just split up last night it was bad

  • Vanessasarver
    Dec 05

    Thank u so much

  • Jill
    Jan 04

    I just went through the same thing a few months ago. We have a now 1 year old little boy. Boy is it tough! Not only being a single Mom (not sure how involved your child’s Father is but mine sucks) but dealing with the grief and loss of the relationship. I don’t know your situation or circumstances but just stay strong! It’s a process but it will get better! Reach out to friends, family, a couns... More

My boyfriend's complicated + expensive divorce stresses me out. How do I live with this?

I posted a few months ago and it made me feel so much less alone in my situation... so now I'm back for more. For over a year I've been dating a single dad. He's the best. He's raising 2 kids mostly on his own. The kids seem to like me and I've been getting to know them better. My boyfriend and their mom are in the process of getting divorced. It is complicated for many re... More

  • Teena
    Dec 13

    You are on the right track!! I am in the same situation and I was so stressed out until someone said something that changed my whole outlook....His divorce is none of your business. I know it seems harsh, but truly it is not. His marriage was not your relationship and neither is his divorce. If he wants to come to you for support, then support him, but you cannot and should not be making any of... More

  • L
    Dec 13

    Yessss! Thank you Teena. I agree. It is none of my business.... Also I know this baggage isn't really going anywhere so a lot of it is about how I relate to the situation. He's started sharing less of the details with me and that has made it a little easier.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Nov 22

How do you guys split holidays with family and in laws?

Especially with divorced parents too

  • Anonymous
    Dec 03

    I’d really like to do that, I get grandparents want all their kids over to their house for the holidays but I want to have our kids do it at our own place. It’s really hard when mil and fil are divorced we’re torn between three sets of grandparents

  • Jennifer
    Dec 28

    We used to run around thanksgiving & Christmas to my parents, his dad and his mom. Finally I just had enough. Since my family never seemed to have traditional thanksgiving food and that was a bigger holiday for his family to get together we now go to his grandma house with his his mom for thanksgiving. My parents are usually out of town visiting my aunt so we don’t do anything with them. Ch... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Oct 30

Separation because of parents

My wife and I never really fight except for things our parents do. We have a 1 year old daughter and since she is the only grandchild in both sets of families and will 99.9% chance be the only one we have a more unusual family dynamic. Over the past several months/year since the birth of our daughter, I’ve struggled with my in-laws and sister-in-law likely due to me not being as used to havin... More

  • Julie
    Nov 24

    I’ve been thinking about you!! How did the pow wow go?? I hope things are calming down!

  • Anonymous
    Nov 24

    @julie, It went okay. I was a bit surprised initially that my MIL didn’t think we had any “issues”.... I brought up how some of the old issues still bothered me and she I guess felt they weren’t issue any more. She asked if it was my Mom what would I do and I said I would likely tell her how I felt and my MIL said to treat her the same. Sounds nice but not real in my opinion. I’ve been learni... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Oct 28

Tough divorce

After less than 5 years of marriage my wife decided that we couldn’t make the relationship work. She was unwilling to do couples counseling (every counselor I suggested she would turn down). She and the kids moved in with her sister about 7 months ago. Our oldest (now 5) is having a really hard time with this. We haven’t finalized the divorce yet and she met someone 3 months after moving out. S... More

  • Anonymous
    Nov 09

    Op responding. Sarah, no our state doesn’t require co-parenting training. And the only reason the courts typically take children from the custodial parent in our state is child endangerment. Moving in with a boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t automatically count, even in cases of infidelity. Thank you all for the feedback. I was starting to think I could be overreacting but when total strangers l... More

  • Emily
    Nov 09

    Good luck! I wish the best it’s never easy!

Co-parenting

So my husband and I are going through a divorce. I can’t get him to stick to a visitation schedule of any kind. I always get the “I have to work” excuse and “I don’t have a set schedule.” I’m always with the kids and hardly ever get a break. I’m almost more than sure he goes out after work and I stay in with the kids. It upsets me immensely. Am I wrong? Should I be greatful I’m with the kids th... More

  • JJ
    Oct 26

    I would document all this and make sure that a lawyer or court system is aware to be sure you’re getting the appropriate support and have it on paper in case he or his side of the family decides to do something stupid down the road. Protect yourself and your babies first. Ask others for help so you can get some rest.

  • Rosa
    Nov 16

    I would take him to court ! File for visitation that way it can be a set schedule for your children & if he starts missing his set visitation document it . Eventually two things will happen he will get his shit together or you will gain full custody and get my child support out of him . One thing I’ve learned you can’t force someone to be there if they don’t want to . I know it sucks and it... More

Is it okay to take a break from our marriage

I recently stopped drinking and using drugs. In getting sober I let my wife know just how much I’ve lied to her over the years. She is needless to say angry, hurt and distrustful of me at the moment. At the same time though she had been moving on without telling me and was in an emotional relationship with another person. Now we are working on just being friends first before we move forward in ... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 22, 2018

    If she needs to take a break, then it’s ok. But I’d advise making a plan with her for how you’re going to work on things. Marriage counseling would be a great idea.

  • Patrick
    Oct 28

    So just as a short follow up she has settled on wanting to date other people. She says she is going to go experience a sexual relationship with this other man, and that after that we will see how she feels. I am not sure how I feel about this. Honestly, If she had come to me before I discovered the relationship on my own I would have been okay with her starting this idea of an open marriage ty... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Oct 20, 2018

Divorce with a 2 year old

Has anyone gone through a divorce with a spouse that wants nothing to do with the child? Is it wrong to want to fight for full custody? We’ve been separated for almost a year now but still married and he hasn’t asked about our child except on his birthday. 😭

  • Anonymous
    Oct 24

    Def get full custody. You can always put in a visitation schedule. Your husband’s loss.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Oct 14, 2018

Custody

I’m sons father wants to have custody of him ( 2 years old) because I don’t want to be with him anymore. What are the chances of him winning in court when I’m a perfect good mother ?? Any encouraging stories out there?? I’m just so scared of actually going thru with it.

  • Jessica
    Oct 14, 2018

    I just went through it. Majority of the time it goes to the mother but I settled with joint custody but I have the power of decision making and primary residency. You can propose a schedule of who has him when and try to agree on it. It may be hard to get full custody without showing he's an unfit father. I had a lot that showed my son's father to be irresponsible and lack of judgement ... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 15, 2018

    Thanks girl! Yes it helps a little, I honestly want joint custody, I’m perfectly fine with that. I was willing to switch off every week and have our son an equal amount of time without having the court involved but I guess he has something to prove and didn’t wanna do that. I feel like maybe he’s bluffing about going to court so I stay with him but I’ve really had enough of him.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Oct 13, 2018

Couples Counseling

My husband and I just decided to go to couples counseling. We’ve always had ups and down, but since the baby came it feels like we struggle to communicate and bicker a lot. I know a lot of that is typical, as we are tired and busy and adjusting. Anyway, I’m terrified the result will be divorce. Anyone have success stories with counseling? Maybe if I keep ignoring it it would get better, but b... More

  • Jenn
    Oct 13, 2018

    My husband and I went to counseling for about a year while we were engaged. I won't go into details but there were some pretty terrible things going on at the time (on my end). It was immensely helpful for both of us. If we hadn't begun going, I probably would've kept lying/ hiding and likely wouldn't have gotten married. I can't imagine where I'd have wound up. Ignorin... More

  • Kris
    Oct 15, 2018

    Relationships/ marriages are hard to begin with but when you add little ones it’s a vast change to your union. Me and my husband went through it when we had our baby boy and it was incredibly rough in the beginning to adapt to the new roles and responsibilities but with time and ALOT of open and honest communication with one another we got through it. We considered counseling but tried being co... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Oct 13, 2018

Transitioning from a house to an apartment

Anyone transition from a house to an apartment with 2 kids during a divorce? Apart from the huge cut in square footage what were your experiences?

  • Emily
    Oct 13, 2018

    I didn’t in a divorce but I did go from a house to an apartment. I think the biggest difference was how close neighbors are. And having to weed through everything and become very good at storage! Idk how big your house was compared to your apartment. But I ended up having to get a living room set because mine would just not fit and if it did, it would have been awkward. Also kitchen space was a... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Oct 04, 2018

Looking for advice

Hi im new to this and not sure how this works. I was wondering if any other single parents could give me some advice? I have a very smart 2 year old and he has been asking about his dad, like were is he when can he see him, those type of things. His father lives in another state so i tell him his in fl but he wants more answers and im not sure how to explain to a 2 year old that his dad is off ... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 05, 2018

    Thank you Lulu this is my post and that was my comment

  • Ashley
    Oct 05, 2018

    I tell my son that families come in many different shapes and sizes some with one parent or two dads or two moms or even no mom or dad , what matters is that you are surrounded by people that love you very much and we are thankful that we have the family that we do. I never talk negatively about his biological father (although he is a real piece of work ) to him because that would be very hurt... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Sep 30, 2018

Custody/Visitation Battle

How long does this actually take? I met a father yesterday, at the exchange location for visitation, and he claimed he's been coming for 3 years. 3 YEARS!!... And he said he met a woman who've been doing the whole visitation thing for 10 YEARS!! Oh no smh not for 10 years I mean... Everybody need to get paid right at the expense of the children of course. SMH

  • Chelsea
    Oct 12, 2018

    Depending on the county you live in most counties try to establish and close a custody battle within a year. Now whether or not there’s been multiple arrest, an absent paren, multiple CPS cases etc it may take longer but it doesn’t take 3-10 years unless one of the parents keeps taking the other back to court. You can’t refile/reopen a custody case for up to a year after each one is established.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Sep 27, 2018

When to take the decision

My husband doesn’t love me like he used to before having baby and we are thinking about our options, potentially being separated. It just scares me and I still love him

  • Anonymous
    Oct 07, 2018

    He is open to leave me a chance but doesn’t know if his feelings can change. What would you do to convince him to stay and love me again??? He doesn’t want to know therapy

  • Momof1
    Oct 07, 2018

    I would figure out what makes him feel loved. It could be thanking him more even for the things he does everyday or it could be telling him you love him more or perhaps more romance massages etc. to make him feel loved. He might appreciate a small gift or thank you message every so often. It might also be helpful to go out for dinner and talk about things. Sometimes things get more heated in pr... More

Custody

My ex is trying to get custody over my daughter. We were never married and he’s not even on the birth certificate. How long does this process take? He has anger issues can I request him go get help before taking my daughter? I’ve called and asked a couple attorneys and family law services but I’m still waiting for a response back.

  • Kayla
    Sep 25, 2018

    He’s never hit anyone. So I can’t really call the cops on him. But I’m afraid of the mental abuse that my daughter might go through. Have you gone through this? How long does it normally take? Lol yes I can tell. Yeah my mama instincts really kicked in. He wanted my to let him take my daughter to his gfs moms house. Like really?

  • Niki
    Sep 30, 2018

    Been in this same situation. My daughters father and I were never married and we broke up when I was 6 months pregnant because of his anger issues, verbally abusive. He was never around after we broke up not at the birth and not on the birth certificate. A few months after she was born he wanted to see her, I allowed him to by coming over to my place when other people were around so there would... More

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