Family Life

Get advice and share ideas on navigating one's own family and extended family, including relationships with in-laws, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and more.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Dec 11

First time away?

How old was your baby the first time you left them over night/for the weekend?

  • Sarah
    Dec 11

    Mine was 8mo when I left him with my husband for a long weekend and 10mo when we both left him with aunt/uncle/grandparents for a long weekend

  • Brianne
    Dec 12

    My son spent his first night away at grandma’s (5 minutes from us) at 5 weeks old and does this about once a month. She loves taking care of him and we are thankful for the restful nights. We left him overnight with a friend at almost 4 months. We are now planning a 4 night trip where he will stay with my sister-in-law at 7 months old. I think it depends on your trust in who will be caring for... More

New SAHM

I have recently decided to mostly stop working after Christmas and I am super nervous about it! I have been working almost 50 hours a week but I have realized that most of my money is going to childcare and fast food because I never have time to cook. What are routines that y’all stick to? How do you keep busy throughout the day? My daughter will be 3 next week. My son is in school during the day.

  • Kate
    Dec 10

    Christa, I think you’re my hero! Nice work with it all - I still have a ways to go. My reading for pleasure has plummeted, every button I sew seems to fall out, and I still love a good bowl of cereal for dinner. 🙂 I was in a similar situation as you ladies - worked long hours for a demanding career I wasn’t sure I wanted to put on hold. Took me a while to come around to the idea of staying at ... More

  • Christa
    Dec 10

    @Katlin, I seriously appreciate it, but we are all hero’s in our own way. Women are amazing creatures and can do a lot once we put our minds to it. My schedule revolves the way it does from marrying a military man- Coast Guard, and we have a 10 month old son (whose super independent - which I’ve taught him because we live that life style of military) So maybe my schedule isn’t the best to fo... More

We like our privacy - I feel guilty?

Husband and I are the only ones in the family that own a home, so our house is the central meeting place for family/holidays. In addition, both grandmas babysit my baby in my house each week. It was awkward and still is, because I told them they can ONLY stay for dinner 1x/week per grandma. So that’s 2x/week where we come home and have people around. Sometimes, our brothers/brother-in-law c... More

  • cocomac
    Dec 07

    I’m just so glad I’m not alone!! Yeah, I think the guilt thing is some sort of piety thing, I have to get over. I am an adult now. I will keep reminding myself that boundaries are important bc these moments never come back - soon baby will ask me to drop her off a block away so she can walk to school on her own 😭 Thank you!

  • Christa
    Dec 07

    Nope, you’re totally not alone. Families like that are crazy- mine is just plain NUTS! I love them all but they are all crazy at times! I just remind myself that to me what’s more important- the boundaries of getting the family to understand that you need space as a family or that your daughter and you and hubby need time as a unit? Large families honestly from my own experience have absolute... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Dec 04

Nervous about vacationing away from baby

I'm considering surprising my partner with a cruise for Christmas since he's never been on one and we desperately need a quick vacation. However, my LO will only be 7 months by cruise date and I am terrified of being away from him. Is there any way to feel comfortable about being away? Or should I consider a different gift?

  • Anonymous
    Dec 04

    You hit the nail on the head, Caroline. The point is for us to have a getaway because I have been total focused on my LO.

  • Caroline
    Dec 04

    Yes!!! I recently am a stay at home mom for a little and as much as I love her.. I needed some time away and I love my husband to and your relationship with your husband has to be healthy.(not saying yours isn’t) lol just you have to take care of yourself and your relationship with your SO. It’s healthy for everyone! :)

Anonymous posted in Family Life Dec 02

How much time Is too much?

My son has been going to his grandma's house since he was 6 months old when I was working briefly. Then I became a stay at home mom. He started spending one weekend a month since he turned one. Now he is almost 2. I think he spend too much time with her especially since she is now influencing his behavior too much. Not in a bad way but more than I am comfortable with. She does small thin... More

  • Christa
    Dec 02

    I would suggest not really saying much. My mother in law also just recently passed away- in August, anyway, I just kinda let her do her thing, and then if my son acted up later when we got home trying to get away with the same things that he was able to get away with with Grandma, I just explain to him in a very calm tone- “I understand that it’s okay to act that way at Grandmas, and she’s okay... More

  • Brittany
    Dec 03

    I agree with Christa. I am running into this with my mom actually. She definitely wants to be the "fun grandma" and not let my daughter be upset. Ever. I get it, to an extent, she's done her job as Mom and now she just wants the fun parts lol. I think that kids are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for, they can definitely adapt to the "time and a place" th... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Dec 02

Drinking habits

Warning.. a long post. My husband works in law enforcement. The first couple of years he would refuse to have one drink even at dinner during his work week. When we were dating this was his rule as well as after we got married - so marriage didn’t change a thing. This was just his rule and I respected his choice (even though I think the occasional drink with your significant other at dinner i... More

  • Kieli
    Dec 02

    My husband drinks about that much too in the work week. More on his days off. He chews a whole can of tobacco a day, and smokes cigarettes/cigars. I’ve tried talking to him because he’s already not in the best of health at age 21. But he does it still anyways, and his family encourages the drinking. I’ve come to a place where I know I can’t change him, the more I talk to him about it the more w... More

  • Christa
    Dec 02

    So here are my thoughts. This is coming from a momma, a wife, and a friend. My husband was in the emergency medical services and worked as a paramedic for 15 years. For as long as he and I have been friends, dated and married. So I’ve been through it all, and he started out drinking really mildly then it got much like your husband is now, then it surpassed what I ever thought he needed to be... More

Ali posted in Family Life Nov 30

Holidays got me down

My husband always works on the holidays as does his sister and her husband. His family lives about an hour and a half away from us. We always try to see his side of the family for Christmas. My in-laws won’t plan something if his sister can’t be there, but his sister has the attitude of "if I work, I work, if I don’t I don’t." Do other people have this issue? To make matters w... More

  • Ali
    Dec 04

    Luckily my mom loves all her grandkids equally and puts family as #1. Not saying she is perfect but she is great in this regard. Unfortunately my in laws remind me of my grandma who definitely had favorites and uneven treatment was common. Maybe this is why my mom is so great with this issue and I am sensitive about it. I don’t want my kids to feel how my siblings and I did growing up. I... More

  • Jessica
    Thursday

    Everyone has such great advice on here. Your heart is so in the right place and I think I’d feel the same way you do. My in laws are alcoholics and only care to play with my kids (their only grandchildren) in between a few cocktails, and we even live in a different state than them. Try, try, try not to take it personally. Maybe start a new family tradition just you and your husband and kids. (B... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 28

Venting

I am the mother of a six and a half month old daughter. I just visited my home in Texas where my best friend told me that I am losing myself and that I am not just my daughters Mom. Also, that my only conversation topic is my child... I mean is that bad?!? I get what she is saying, but what is wrong with just being a Mom? I started working from home a month before giving birth, so I don’t inter... More

  • Erin
    Dec 01

    I have to disagree with your friend, there is nothing wrong with losing yourself in your kids a bit, especially when they are so little, because as you said, it does go by very fast. That's actually kind of a dumb thing to say anyway. You "lose yourself?" Where do you go? You are always still you!! I am 33 with two kids and despite my best efforts all my friends without kids have ... More

  • Raji
    Friday

    I would just ignore the comment. As long as you feel happy and content that’s all that matters. I have moved twice, husband was in army and now for his new job. We also have an almost year old kiddo. I am content with my husband and daughter. You don’t need many friends in your life to be happy. A few good ppl around is all I need. Just enjoy your daughter as much as you can as they grow quick. :)

I need a break

My daughter is cutting her first two teeth at once, we are both snotty sick, she screams to high heaven when I put her down, and my husband is hunting and has been all day. Our day has been nonstop torment for us both. I need a break. I need a shower. I need help.

  • Chelsy
    Nov 24

    Update: hubby came home with a deer roast, an apology for being gone all day and immediately snuggled the baby while I showered and decompressed my mind. I guess in the thick of it it’s a mountain of worry but now it’s just another day. Thank you so much Lulu for responding!

  • Lulu
    Nov 24

    That's why there are two parents :) I've been there! You're doing great mama!

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 24

Looking for a Mantra...

We have a 7 mo old baby. We both have fulltime demanding careers and fully enjoy every minute with baby. We enjoy parenting and doing all of the research on child development, showing her how to learn and grow. She's doing so so well, she's the happiest baby alive, and super interactive. We've gone lots of places with her. I know it will get harder later on when the real parenting (... More

  • Anonymous
    Nov 25

    Thank you. In our case, baby is super communicative. It's always been immediately clear what she wants/needs. Aggg I want another one :)

  • Anonymous
    Dec 11

    Interesting post. I don't have an answer, but I do know ppl who have been in similar situations. Bump!

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 23

Am I being petty? I can take the truth.

I am the youngest of 6 siblings. (I’m 30 with 1 baby (18 months) and one on the way). My oldest brother is 50 with 3 kids - 30, 28, and 25. The rest of my siblings are sprinkled in between with kids of all ages. Anyways, my oldest brother always dresses up as Santa at our family’s Christmas and the last few years it’s been awkward when it comes to Santa giving out gifts. Before my oldest broth... More

  • Anonymous
    Nov 27

    I mean Christmas isn’t about the gifts anyways. Don’t create an issue over a temporary emotion. I promise the kids don’t care they are just happy being loved. Always empathize to them it’s not about gifts anyways. The focus is on family and togetherness. Let this go.

  • Mel
    Dec 04

    You are not being petty.. don’t let that go. Find a way to rectify the situation.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 23

Best part of this Thanksgiving week?

I got to spend today at home with my baby, eating leftovers and hanging out like I did during maternity leave! I missed it!!! WFH mamas, you are very lucky. Unfortunately, I am breadwinner so will never be able to stay home with baby lol. Too expensive where I live!

  • Jenny
    Nov 26

    Grass is always greener on the other side! I miss working SO much! I use to be a nurse in Canada and I worked like crazy. I met my military husband and moved with him to the US, I don’t have my nursing license transferred over yet so I’m a stay at home mom. I do enjoy it, and I love my son but I miss adult interaction (SO much!) I miss earning paychecks, I miss drinking my coffee on my way... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 22

🤦🏾‍♀️ Family issues

I’m just so irritated. I don’t even know what to do. His family are in doubt that he is the father of my child. His father and I know for sure he is biological father to my son. I have not slept with anyone but him. His family goes on and on about I don’t think he is yours. So they all want DNA proof. Why should we get one when we know for sure he’s the dad? His oldest brother still in doubt bu... More

  • Julie
    Nov 22

    😪. What a bunch of a holes! Sorry for the language! I would tell them they can pay for the DNA test and I would also tell them they just ruined your relationship with them and you’re not letting your child be alone with them, ever. EVER!!! They obviously think poorly of you and lord knows what they will say about you when you’re not there to defend yourself!!!

  • Lily
    Nov 24

    I would just stop talking to them and not let them see him until they give it up. Because it doesn’t matter and is definitely gone of their business. Don’t get the DNA test unless it is something you want. They have no say it that what so ever. Because that kind of thing is definitely something you don’t want them talking about as he gets older.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Nov 22

How do you guys split holidays with family and in laws?

Especially with divorced parents too

  • ACK
    Dec 03

    We alternate holidays each year and NEVER stray from the rotation. For now, we travel two hours to both sides. As our babies get older, we plan to extend invites to either side to come to us for Christmas...again, without straying from the rotation. We know we’ll be met with some resistance and grief about it. My husband and I want our boys to know Christmas morning in their own home!

  • Anonymous
    Dec 03

    I’d really like to do that, I get grandparents want all their kids over to their house for the holidays but I want to have our kids do it at our own place. It’s really hard when mil and fil are divorced we’re torn between three sets of grandparents

Anonymous posted in Behavior Nov 20

1 year old basically traumatized by father's side of family

Every time my daughter sees her grandma or uncle or anyone on her dads side she seems to literally catch such a bad tantrum running screaming not wanting them to pick her up so bad it literally breaks my heart I’m not sure if it’s maybe something is going on when she stays with them or she just isn’t use to them I’m not sure me and the father haven’t been together for a while but my daughter al... More

  • Marika
    Nov 20

    Yes, 1 year is a delicate age.... nothing may be wrong but if there is a chance there is something wrong you won't know it because your little one can't communicate this yet. You can talk with your family about this and see what they say or what feelings they have. If you have any doubts the conversation can't clear up, may be best to have your baby with you until it can communicat... More

  • Marco
    Nov 20

    Mine was the same way when she didn’t see my mother very much. She would run and hide or get freaked out when she picked her up. But once her worked schedule changed and she was able to see her more it completely flipped. Now she can’t get enough of Grandma

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 18

One child

Those of you that decided to have only one child— what made you come to that decision? Was there anything that made you more comfortable with it? It is mine and my husbands thought to have just one, but are receiving harsh family criticism.

  • Christy
    Nov 18

    Our is based on a combination of things... 1) My husband and I are older, so the risk factors are too high for us to want to go through again. 2) The sleep deprivation is killing us now, I can't imagine how tired we would be with two kids. 3) We like the idea of giving our daughter undivided attention and resources. 4) We feel like our family is complete as is, nothing is missing.

  • Emily
    Nov 18

    Getting pregnant again was hard and I miscarried when we I did. So we decided to just not have anymore. We will probably adopt or foster way in the future. I accepted it for that reason. I may not now they may not be biological but I can help other kids in the future. And I will love them. My family has come down hard on wanting me to keep trying but it kinda just made me feel better knowing th... More

Holiday arrangements with different families

I have a 4month old baby boy and we are experiencing some cold cold weather! My boy hates being in layers and he’s teething, which makes for very busy days for mama and daddy. My question is how do you guys handle splitting up days with your families during the holidays? We have 3 families that celebrate both Thanksgiving and Christmas so we’re going to my grandparents Thanksgiving or staying h... More

  • Lily
    Nov 16

    Family is so hard! You have a 4 month old, life is all about them at that point. My baby was about 4 months for her first Christmas. We were moving so we weren’t with family at all.....and that made everyone very mad. For me, maybe see how Thanksgiving goes, and then see if you want to try for Christmas. It is so hard to do anything with such a little one outside your own home. So if you ar... More

  • Brittny
    Nov 18

    Thank you lily! I’ll try to do my best your right!

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 15

Can I do it?

Do you ever feel unfit to be a parent? I do. 😭 I promise him that I will be better but I’m not there yet, and wondering if I will ever be the parent he deserves.

  • Joni
    Nov 19

    Absolutely. I’m a single mother of 3 and I feel this way most days. I work and go to school full time but I feel the constant need to keep improving for their sake. They deserve the absolute best and I fall short. You just have to keep trying everyday. Give yourself credit I know it’s easier said than done but the fact that you try and are aware means your doing better then most. Hang in there!

  • Lauren
    Nov 24

    I have never felt like this. You need to asked yourself why you feel like this. It may be something as simple as you are spread too thin.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 15

In laws sharing our news

So we’re expecting a little girl (so excited!!) but I’m pretty private, mostly due to anxiety, and we weren’t ready to share our news on social media as it’s still early. We told this to our parents but my mother in law is still sharing the news on Facebook. We have asked her multiple times to stop and not share as we haven’t even told some of our friends yet but she says, what I’m just excited... More

  • Katia
    Nov 21

    So I have a MIL that required us as a married couple to seek counseling. Well our psychologist basically said it’s my fault. It’s my fault because I would share moments and information with her and then she would do things similar to your MIL. Act entitled to the event that it’s hers to share or that she did nothing wrong because this is her moment all the while robbing us of our precious momen... More

  • Erin
    Dec 01

    Definitely don't share any more pregnancy related information with her, as she has proven she can't be counted on to respect your wishes.

I just need a break and for things to go right for a day or two.

Every time I think things are going ok something else happens as if to say nope life doesn’t get to be easy.

  • Kieli
    Nov 14

    I’m glad to hear that, is there anybody that can try and help you a little? Give you a little self time? Go get your nails done, get a massage, spoil yourself a little! :)

  • Lily
    Nov 15

    Life isn’t easy with a baby. It is so so hard, and people without babies just don’t get it. Just remember it gets better!!! I learned I just had to let a lot go!! And enjoy my little one. Good luck!:)

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