Family Life

Get advice and share ideas on navigating one's own family and extended family, including relationships with in-laws, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and more.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Wednesday

Room share toddler & infant?

Our almost 6 week old baby has just started sleeping large chunks (roughly 5-7 hrs from start of final evening feed to “middle-of-the-night feed). We only have enough room to have our 21 month old and baby share. Is this a good enough stretch or should we wait a bit longer? Baby currently sleeps in a pack n play in our room, but we have a mini crib already set up with the toddler bed (it’s j... More

  • Kieli
    Wednesday

    I would wait. My second daughter was doing the same thing for a while, sleeping almost all night! Then went through a horrible sleep regression and woke up every hour for at least a month straight. I did move her into her sisters room about a month ago, and she is doing great again. Waking 1-2 times a night

  • Rebecca
    Thursday

    Try it for a night or two. We had a similar situation. A lot of nights the toddler slept through the baby waking. We also used white noise all the time. Helps reduce waking up. I put the baby down first. Read stories to the older in our room. Then put toddler down only tucking her in in tree dark. If they have to get use to sleeping in the same room I would start earlier. So it becomes normal.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Feb 13

SAHM, does your SO remind you how you’re not working/bring home a paycheck?

It seems like anytime we argue my SO brings it up. How I can’t spend money. Or paying the bills. Etc. it just hurts my pride so much, I used to work and did whatever I wanted with my money, Now with kids, we thought it’d be better for me to stay home and watch them so we won’t have to pay for daycare.

  • Ashleigh
    Today

    This is so hard! And I have so many thoughts on this! There is a website that calculates what a stay at home parent would earn if they were paid for all services provided - typically over $100K! What you are doing is so valuable, and exhausting! I don't know if this is possible in your situation, but maybe try going out of town on his time off. I'm guessing you might not actually get ... More

  • Anonymous
    4h ago

    He won’t let me put them in daycare either lol, he doesn’t trust strangers to watch our kids and I get that. And the kids behave so much better for him! 😩 they cling to me 24/7

My two year old just figured out how to open doors and now won't stay in her room at night/for naps.

My toddler has always been an excellent (though light) sleeper. No problem self-soothing, etc... However she recently learned how to open doors and has been coming out of her room multiple times when she is supposed to be sleeping. We have an ok-to-wake clock and she does seem to understand the concept but either stays awake staring at it waiting for it to change or totally disregards it. We al... More

  • anonymous mom
    Feb 10

    A baby gate or one of those door handle safety covers that make it hard for them to open should be okay. It’s so hard when they start opening doors, what’s next!? Lol. Also, I’m sure you’ve already done so but make sure all your doors that go outside have a lock that’s too high to reach on them....when my daughter learned to open our doors to the outside I was so scared! We got safety locks... More

  • Leslie C.
    check_circleChild Care Provider Feb 12

    My Granddaughter was doing the same thing, so what worked for my daughter was that she turned the door knob around with the lock on the outside, and locked it from the outside. That way my granddaughter could not get out! It worked!

Anonymous posted in Family Life Feb 06

Is one parent always the planner?

Just curious about the dynamics of other people’s relationships with their SO. I’m a sahm so I end up doing most of the planning on a day to day basis, daily decisions... which is fine and understandable to me. My son is 3 years old now and I have had the same conversation with my husband about this so many times. As far as date nights, family outings and anniversaries, I have done all the pl... More

  • Aye
    Feb 09

    Yes! Everything from what we’re having for dinner to what we’re gonna do and go even out to eat. Even when his family texts to do stuff he rarely responds and it’s me responding. Birthdays too. Whenever I ask him he gets annoyed. Sometimes it’ll be nice not to plan things. But when he does do it, it turns out a mess 🤦🏾‍♀️ so he leaves it to me

  • Tash
    Feb 13

    My husband is the planner and plans everything (restaurant for date nights, day trip ideas, weekend away ideas and hotels, most vacation planning, all grocery shopping). Before I met him, I was often the planner in my relationships (I'm a great planner too!) but my husband is in a different league and if I pick something, I know it likely wont be as good as what he picks / organizes. I st... More

Boy name

My husband and I are having a hard time deciding on which name looks and sounds better for our little boy due in a couple of weeks. Brannen Price Turner Or Brandt Price Turner

  • Chris
    Feb 01

    I like Brandt. I feel like Brannen will be commonly heard as “Brandon” leading to constant corrections.

  • Tiana
    Feb 01

    Brandt for sure

Parenting with Pain/Injury/Chronic Illness

To preface, I don't have kids of my own yet. But I am at the stage of life (late 20's/early 30's) when I'm beginning to seriously consider starting a family. One thing that I have always been cautious about is a chronic injury that I have. As a teenager, I was a gymnast/diver and ruptured several discs in my lumbar spine that have left me with chronic pain. I have always been ne... More

  • Gen
    Jan 30

    I have degenerative joint disease and spinal stenosis in my neck and lumbar spine. I do PT once a week and strength training once a week. I have chronic pain, and two children. The first pregnancy wasn’t too bad, but there were definitely some issues after. I had dequirvain’s thumb for a while after, but PT helped that. But my back pain wasn’t any worse. The second pregnancy was harder, I had... More

  • Karen
    Jan 30

    I have an autoimmune disease with inflammation symptoms, as well as a hemangioma on my leg that makes walking or bending my legs hard sometimes. Having a kid is hard with chronic pain and low stamina, but it also pushes to me to be active when I might otherwise be sedentary. It’s a daily struggle, but in the long term for me, having a child is going to help me live a healthier, longer, fuller l... More

Rachel posted in Behavior Jan 25

When can kids start having baths independently without supervision?

  • Pot Papi
    Jan 25

    My daughter has been talking bubble baths alone since 2yo. But if u taking about actual cleaning themselves it would be when they have learned how to do it all so around 5-6

  • Kieli
    Jan 26

    I can sit and see my daughter (2) from my rocking chair to the bath room, so I wash her the let her play while I can spy on her lol. She helps me while cleaning her body and hair, but I don’t think she’s ready to do it by herself. Like the above post, about 5 years old is when I think they can fully understand the concept of getting all the soap off and such.

Samm posted in Behavior Jan 22

Respect

My children absolutely don't respect their things, no matter how cheap or expensive. My 11 year old sons tablet has an absolutely smashed screen and I have told him that if he wants nicer things to take care of and cherish them. But to no avail he still destroys his things along with his 8 year old brother. And it's rubbing off to their 4 year old sister. None of them care for their things.

  • Anonymous
    Jan 24

    I agree. Or what might be even more impactful is if they have any money saved or little jobs, to show them how much work it is to pay off the fix. Make as real world as possible. The reason we care for our high cost items is because we know how much work we have to do to pay for them. So recreate that for them. Don’t sugarcoat it

Anonymous posted in Family Life Jan 22

Hubby not close to his family

Normally we hear of wives not getting along with hubby's family, but mine is different problem.. I came from a close knit family, who gets along pretty well with my parents and siblings, and always look forward to gatherings and celebrations with my family. I'm also very lucky to be quite close/cordial to my hubby's family, very lucky to have nice parent-in-laws and sis/bro-in-laws... More

  • Anonymous
    Jan 23

    Dear anonymous mom: thank you so much for your insight! I just wanna know, is your husband angry with you when u 'dug out' the truth? My husband didn't want to tell me at all, I'm so tempted to ask another family member but worried it may backfire.. How did you find out?

  • anonymous mom
    Jan 24

    My husband was not happy about talking about it. He wanted to just forget it but yeah...that isn’t gonna happen. Lol. No he wasn’t angry when he finally told me but he was NOT happy the several times I broached the subject (either directly or inadvertently) over the years and got shut down. One thing I would do is consider asking your husband in other ways...maybe something like, “do you have... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Jan 18

Unacceptable behavior as a father?

My SO is going through a lot with his job. Last night he said he wanted to visit his parents and talk to his dad about it. Around 10:30 I get a text saying “going to bed, goodnight”. No call, didn’t discuss he was going to sleep there. This morning I text and call him and no answer. I texted his parents asking if he’s coming home and this is unacceptable for a grown man and he should be home wi... More

  • Kieli
    Jan 18

    Was he this way when you guys got married? In regards to him not helping with the kids, my husband is the same way. He works hard, physically and mentally hard jobs all week. As a SAHM, I take care of our daughters’ needs. He helps some on the weekends but not much. It sounds to me, if you have expressed your concerns and he is not wanting to change, you have 2 options. 1, work with what you go... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Dec 28

How much time does dad spend with his kids?

How much time does the father of your child(ren) spend with them? My partner and I are raising three kids together. The older two are his from a previous marriage, but we have them most of the time. The youngest is ours together. I’m a SAHM and my partner works from home a lot of the time. His work is often slow, so he is home doing nothing all day. He rarely helps me with anything and doesn’t ... More

  • anonymous mom
    Jan 17

    Your husband needs to grow up. I have only one child and my husband does have a grown stepdaughter from his first marriage who he still maintains close contact with (and who we call my daughters sister since she’s going to otherwise be an only child). Anyway me and my husband both work but we also both pick up all the slack at home. From cooking, cleaning, and outdoor stuff to child rearing. I ... More

  • Leelee
    Jan 30

    Was this something new he picked up after you moved in together or was he always a man child who played video games in the basement? Did he spend lots of time with the older two kids before you got pregnant? Or was he always like this and you just hoped he would change once y'all's baby showed up? While the article posted has some good points. It's mainly the overlooking of bad part... More

C posted in Child's Health Dec 26

Seriously, what is it with grandparents who force babies to eat crap and skip sleep?

We’re staying with my 16 month old’s grandparents for the holidays, three and a half weeks. I already wanted to take my kid and leave by Day 5. For weeks I’ve told the grandparents what is safe or healthy to feed my son at his age. I’ve told them what he needs, how much sleep, why he needs this, etc. I find myself repeating this daily. I’ve also demonstrated the right things to do over and ove... More

  • C
    Dec 26

    He’s not much help. One time, during one of these feeding sessions, he said, “You sure you’re not overfeeding him?” Beyond questioning, nothing else.

  • anonymous mom
    Jan 09

    I would have my husband talk to them but would ultimately let everything slide with the exception being anything that would compromise my child’s safety. I find that my in laws annoy the crap out of me and things they do make me way angrier than when my own family does it. For this reason alone I just try to keep my nit picking to a minimum. It’s only 3.5 weeks of the rest of your child’s life.... More

Genesis posted in Behavior Dec 25

My 3 year old won't listen

So, big news, I am expecting! My 4th baby...We are all very excited except, I know it's said that some children act out because they unconsciously think they are being replaced or mommy and daddy won't have time for them..but my 3 year old is taking it to a whole new level of acting out. She won't listen for anything. She has always listened to me when we out and now I can ask her 2... More

  • Anonymous
    Dec 26

    I have a 3 yo, he's almost 4, and at about 3.5 he totally did a 180 and started doing really aggressive things like hitting, kicking and biting us. And there was zero listening or behaving for us going on. I was ready to call a doctor, but none of his care takers were complaining, in fact I was getting compliments from them about how well behaved he was. There were no changes in his routine... More

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Dec 27

    For the independence thing, I mean creating opportunities for her to make choices. Like what shirt to wear, when she wants to leave (2 minutes or 5 minutes from now?), anytime you turn a demand or request into a choice, the better. It will give her a better feeling of power throughout the day and should help her cooperate in the situations where there can’t be a choice. My 3 yr old hates being... More

Unsolicited parenting advice

Christmas is a time we see family members that we don't see on a daily basis. Do you get unsolicited parenting advice from these family members, because they have spent a few days with you and have witnessed some "problem" on how you raise your children? It happens a lot back in where I am from, Hong Kong. And someone told me unsolicited advice is a very Chinese thing. I wonder i... More

  • Vonda
    Dec 27

    I take it with a grain of salt. Say thank you. And move on. Because every parent is different with their kid. And every kid is different. I say the same thing when my cousin asks for my advice on my kid since she is pregnant. I tell her to take what I say with a grain of salt. You won’t use some of it. More than some cause we are doing the same parenting strategy. But still, there will be thin... More

Equality with Grandparents

I do not have kids. But my sister and 2 brothers do. My sister's kids are 20 and 16. My older brother's kids are 4 and 1. My younger brother's kid is 3.5. Our parents still work full time and my mom also works a part time job and don't see any of their grandchildren regularly, mainly the little ones. My younger brothers MIL lives with him and his wife, so she babysits all th... More

  • anonymous mom
    Dec 17

    My advice would be to butt out. This is your parents issue, not yours. I wouldn’t go saying anything to my siblings in this situation, it’s your mom and dads battle. If a sibling came to me and asked my opinion, I’d tactfully tell them that from my perspective, they could certainly involve our parents more but I’d also follow that up with a statement regarding how you’re not the one in their si... More

  • B
    Dec 17

    I’d first encourage my mom to say something. It’s really her place. If you think it won’t work you can have a talk with your siblings, but go in positively. Mom told me she’d love to see the kids more. How can I help make that happen? Don’t make it a comparison to the in-laws.

Anonymous posted in Behavior Dec 11

How do you get anything done?

I’m a believer and practicer of gentle parenting (I’m not perfect, but it’s the method I use most often and believe is the best). My son is almost 2 and I have gotten virtually nothing done since he was born outside of his naps or if I stay up really late. I’m wondering how any of you moms get anything done? It seems like every time he sees me doing something that doesn’t revolve around him, he... More

  • HR
    Dec 13

    It doesn’t work *every* time, but I’ve found some success with trying to include my 2-year-old when I’m doing things: asking him to “help” me pick up, giving him his own paper/pen when paying bills & asking him for “help” by writing on his own paper, giving him a piece of laundry to “fold,” giving him a pot & a spoon so he can “cook” at the kitchen table while I cook at the stove... I m... More

  • Ayla Sutton
    Dec 18

    I have a box of toys that I take out when I need my 2yr old entertained so I can get something done and it's the only time this box comes out. It makes them seem really special even though it's just a box of inexpensive dollar store stuff. Then when we are done, the box gets put away again.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 29

We JUST saw you: Family Boundaries

Anyone have any experience with setting boundaries with their families around the holidays? Before my daughter was born my husband and I used to split time between family members or just spend it together. However, now with a 1 year old (only grandchild) the grandparents expect us to invite and host them for all holidays going forward or worse—travel to them with a toddler. They mean well but t... More

  • Vonda
    Dec 05

    Stay home for Christmas. Tell them it’s too much to do this year. Or that you’d like to have time with just the family this year. Have each person tell their respective family. Husband to his. You to yours. It’ll be easier. And if they don’t like it well; they can stuff a turkey.

  • Jaclyn
    Dec 05

    We split holidays between my family and my in-laws so no one can argue and so it’s not overwhelming. And we switch each year. So for example this year my family came for Thanksgiving and his family will come for Christmas. Next year we will do Thanksgiving with his family and Xmas with mine. I typically host Thanksgiving since my family is smaller on the “on” years and may travel a bit for his ... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Nov 13, 2019

My mom criticizes me as a SAHM

It breaks my heart to admit & share that my mom does not make me feel proud of my current situation as a full time SAHM. Back story, she had me (unplanned & not yet married) at 19, then I think somewhere in between that, my parents decided to get married before I was born. But I know the full story because it’s like a bedtime story to me. At a young age, she kept reminding me of what th... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Oct 12, 2019

Early bird gets the worm.

I need some advice. I am a stay at home mom that occassionally works as an independent contractor. I get up pretty early to take my kids to school, and get a start on my day. Although, my husband doesn't. He goes to work whenever he wants [also, an independent contractor] so he doesn't have a super weird schedule where I would have to be mindful of noise level. BUT, everyday when I com... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Sep 30, 2019

HELP!

My husband and I just found out we are pregnant with baby no. 2! BUT I’m in a dilemma. I want this pregnancy to be as peaceful as possible and with that I want limited people knowing for as long as I can. I know eventually family will come around and see my bump, but until then I don’t know how to not let people know. The thing is, we have parties and holidays coming up where alcohol will be ar... More

  • Christine
    Oct 03, 2019

    I would hold a glass of wine during parties and take the occasional teeny sip and have my husband drink it when no one was looking. I basically would hold the same drink all night and no one caught on. Also I’d do club soda and a lime which looked like a vodka soda.

  • Vonda
    Oct 03, 2019

    You can say you took cold medicine and don’t want to mix it with alcohol in your system. I drank root beer from a bottle and almost no one noticed the label. Or do the husband drinking trick. And fake sip. Or I’d just say I’m the one driving tonight. So no one questions it. I just wouldn’t bring it up much with your step-daughter. If she says something about your tummy etc. just say it’s your... More

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