Learn about navigating your relationship with your mother-in-law, father-in-law and other members of your spouse's family.

Caroline posted in In-Laws Jan 25

Separation/ vacation with 3 YO

Need some help. My husband and I are separating. We live far away from our families (different countries) so I am trying to plan our next vacation (my daughter and I) with my family but don’t know what to do with my in laws. Don’t really want to stay with them...

  • Anonymous
    Jan 27

    If they don’t know and you’re not ready to tell them, you don’t have to. Just when you are ready to tell them about the separation, you can explain to them that you still like them and want them in your child’s life but need more time on your own to process and figure everything out. I’m sure they will understand this isn’t something easy that you are going through.

  • anonymous mom
    Jan 31

    Sorry you’re going through this. I would let your daughters grandparents know you’re going to be in the country and they can come visit but I wouldn’t even consider staying with them...if at some point your ex takes your daughter on vacation would he want to stay at your parents?

Anonymous posted in Behavior Jan 24

Staying at in-laws

So Im staying with my in-laws for 4 weeks and then my husband (whose is traveling for this time) will join us for another 2 weeks before we get back home. My (only) toddler is regressing in every aspect in the past one week and its driving me up the wall (potty training, bed time routines, eating habits etc and its just been 10 days). There is a 6 hr time difference and he is a bit jet lagged. ... More

  • Anonymous
    Jan 25

    It sounds like some of the frustration towards your in laws is being taken out on your son. When you get back home it will be a whole new battle. You need to set strict boundaries with his grandparents. <

  • Po
    Jan 25

    The child’s behavior sounds familiar. My child is doing the same thing since we have recently travelled. I just find things to distract her when she gets restless. Start discussing her favourite things, which gets her attention. Then ask questions like are you tired? Do you want to go to the toilet? Are you hungry? What do you need help with and whom do you want to help you. It’s a lot of work.... More

Seriously, what is it with grandparents who force babies to eat crap and skip sleep?

We’re staying with my 16 month old’s grandparents for the holidays, three and a half weeks. I already wanted to take my kid and leave by Day 5. For weeks I’ve told the grandparents what is safe or healthy to feed my son at his age. I’ve told them what he needs, how much sleep, why he needs this, etc. I find myself repeating this daily. I’ve also demonstrated the right things to do over and ove... More

  • C
    Dec 26, 2019

    He’s not much help. One time, during one of these feeding sessions, he said, “You sure you’re not overfeeding him?” Beyond questioning, nothing else.

  • anonymous mom
    Jan 09

    I would have my husband talk to them but would ultimately let everything slide with the exception being anything that would compromise my child’s safety. I find that my in laws annoy the crap out of me and things they do make me way angrier than when my own family does it. For this reason alone I just try to keep my nit picking to a minimum. It’s only 3.5 weeks of the rest of your child’s life.... More

Unsolicited parenting advice

Christmas is a time we see family members that we don't see on a daily basis. Do you get unsolicited parenting advice from these family members, because they have spent a few days with you and have witnessed some "problem" on how you raise your children? It happens a lot back in where I am from, Hong Kong. And someone told me unsolicited advice is a very Chinese thing. I wonder i... More

  • Vonda
    Dec 27, 2019

    I take it with a grain of salt. Say thank you. And move on. Because every parent is different with their kid. And every kid is different. I say the same thing when my cousin asks for my advice on my kid since she is pregnant. I tell her to take what I say with a grain of salt. You won’t use some of it. More than some cause we are doing the same parenting strategy. But still, there will be thin... More

Anonymous posted in Child Care Nov 22, 2019

Family caregivers that want to continue caregiving but we don’t want it.

Right now my toddler is at home with grandmas (yes we pay them). When she turns 18 months she will go to a montessori 3x a week. And each grandma will do the other 2x a week. This has been a long awaited change in our life because my husband and I dont particularly enjoy having our moms in our homes 5x a week and coming home after a long day at work to our moms... I know others may feel differ... More

  • Anonymous
    Dec 09, 2019

    just think of all the benefits your child will have being in the montessori, socializing with other kids, and starting their education early. that should be enough to overcome the guilt! plus it's whats best for the child vs. whats best for grandma. Grams will understand. and im sure the relief of coming home to an empty house will help get over some of that guilt in no time (lol)

  • Trisha
    Feb 06

    My parents LOVED taking care of my twins. Even if my ex had not deserted our family when the boys were 3 months old, my parents wouldn't have let anyone else care for my boys while I worked. How I eased my parents back to the "empty nest"--I visited my church and got the Principal of the preschool to accept the boys if they were potty trained. By 2 yr 10 mo they were 100% trained,... More

I don’t trust my boyfriend’s family to help with my son when he’s born.

I am currently 18 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend told me that his family will watch and care for our son while I work. I always wanted to have my own money and take care of myself, but I’m ready to throw all of that away to protect my son. I do not trust his family. In short, they’ve shown me time and time again that they are incapable of taking care of themselves, I’ve been around while they... More

  • CheerioMama
    Dec 01, 2019

    Keep that baby as far away from those people as possible. Get rid of your man if you have to.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 09

    The thing that sucks about a situation when you’re partner isn’t on board is if you split and they get half custody or some sort of time, your baby is going to be with his family when it’s his days. Tell him to do some research see if you can find childcare you can afford? Or work opposite times from him so you can each take turns working? I hope you find something that works out. I get the fee... More

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Oct 20, 2019

Feeling obligated to spend time with in laws

SO works a ton, and otherwise sadly doesn’t appreciate quality family time, he is always either working or really tired. I stay at home with the kids but work part time remotely, and his parents always reach out to me reminding me how they are retired and can help babysit or will say you should go do this so we can come over and watch the kids. For one, when they come over they stay for hours s... More

Problem need advice

My father in law wants to watch my 3 year old daughter for a weekend to spend time with her. The problem is, I don’t feel comfortable with that. I just don’t trust him for some reason. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter always gets excited to see her grandpa, but I have my reasons and we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. He also seems to have a grudge against me. So my question is: Am I wro... More

  • anonymous mom
    Nov 26, 2019

    Trust your gut. By and large, most instances of abuse happen by family members or close trusted friends, not some random person you don’t know. My daughter is only 2, and I talked to my husband a lot about this before she was born. My mil is not traditionally abusive, but she’s extremely manipulative and she’s also used to getting full access to her older grandchild from my sister in law. The... More

  • Anthony
    Dec 06, 2019

    Child surveillance, is cheap and easy. (Amazon) All my kids have tags; and some even do 12 hour audio recording. This might sound extreme but if you really wanna know.

Allergic to my mil

I mean, it’s either that or a pure coincidence that upon her arrival for the long weekend I began sneezing incessantly, eyes were watering, and I finally had to pop some Benadryl. 😂😱

  • anonymous mom
    Oct 12, 2019

    It was mostly a joke, but she is a walking perfume advertisement 😆🤦‍♀️

  • cocomac
    Oct 13, 2019

    My mil also loves strong perfume. I smell her for a couple days at my house after she leaves. I considered asking her not to wear such strong perfumes as it could hurt the baby 😂 but I now also immediately wash my baby if she smells like mil... I don’t need an olfactory memory of her whenever I hold my baby!!!

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Oct 08, 2019

I am so disappointed with my husband

We have a 2yo daughter, and we’re also expecting our 2nd. We currently live with his father. His sister lives in the same neighborhood. Recently our daughter has become super picky and selective with her meals. She’ll easily skip lunch, snacks and dinner. As you can imagine I’m super stressed and have been considering taking her to see her pediatrician. I’ve noticed that my husband’s family is ... More

  • Anonymous
    Oct 08, 2019

    I think it's a man thing. they just really easily seem to glaze over details.... like pants and shoes! It doesn't end here unless you take time to have a serious discussion with your husband and let him know how stressed and worried you are and that you need to be able to rely on him. Make her the doctors appointment and tell the in-laws some of the "healthy eating habits" you... More

  • HR
    Nov 09, 2019

    You could give your husband an ultimatum—“You tell your family, or I will.” It’s also possible that he could be telling them, but they just won’t listen to him; either way, you might have to be the one to speak up. Your husband will need to back you 110% on everything though. For example, my family won’t listen to me (about anything, honestly), but if my husband says something they’re more li... More

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Oct 08, 2019

Can’t sleep. MIL pissed me off again!

My MIL watches my child 2x a week (my mom the other 3x). I was telling my best friend that the last week, I haven’t hated waking up to seeing my MIL in my house!!! I even made conversation, kind of. Applause all around!!! Then, she goes and pissed me off again. We are out for lunch with BIL/gf/MIL, and I have child next to me cornered on one side of the table. MIL is across from child. “Fin... More

  • Luis
    Oct 08, 2019

    Yes... maybe... does it matter? You have the right to your feelings, they are yours, it’s just a question of how you deal with it. When it comes to protecting your kid, go with your gut and always err on the side of precaution. If you feel it ain’t right, it ain’t right. Remember, when it comes to to our kids, you only owe explanations to the other parent, it’s no one else’s business.

  • Nikki
    Nov 15, 2019

    Literally MIL tried this when my LO was extremely young and I explained myself probably not in the best way possible but my son is my son and if he gets sick or something I’m the one stuck with a fussy baby not them. You and your SO are responsible for your child. Speak up and allow them to hear you. And if they don’t hear you make them HEAR YOU. In laws are truly something else... more so mot... More

Anonymous posted in Flying Oct 03, 2019

Trip without mom

When was the first time your kiddo took a trip without you? My MIL has been insisting she take our 2 year old to California (1.5 hour flight) to visit my brother in law for a weekend..... I don’t know how I feel about it?? Part of me knows of course he’d have fun at the beach all day, but then that distance is kinda far without momma in a strange place.

  • anonymous mom
    Feb 12

    I know this is an old post, but my answer would be no. Or if I was in the mood to be very honest, “no. Never.”

  • Amanda
    Feb 12

    This is an interesting post! I started flying alone at age 6, which is the legal age for unaccompanied minors. I’d fly to another state to visit my grandparents several times a year. But for my younger sister, my mom didn’t let her travel unaccompanied until she was in middle school. My parents said that they had more faith in me & my ability to be mature/responsible/communicative, and that... More

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Aug 31, 2019

Child’s father’s mom

Now my child’s father’s mom been in my son’s life since he was two . With the birth and etc.. but now I think she is becoming too pushy and thinking she knows how to raise him how she wants to raise him . For example my son had a meeting about his speech . This lady was like taking over the whole conversation. Like saying my son does this and that and I know he didn’t . And also she is just to... More

  • Monda
    Sep 01, 2019

    Your not being too much it gets really annoying when a family member thinks that they are the parent of your child and that’s their job not yours!! My mom does the same thing and she thinks she can tell me what to do and what not to do with my kid and it irks me so much so I really get it! I hope it gets better for you before you lash out on someone

MIL doesn’t date, her son told her “not to”

My MIL is single/divorced (despite whatever weird relationship is going on with her ex-husband... I won’t go into details lol). During a tumultuous time in their life, my husband had to step up and become the adult early on in his life. He always said, “you don’t date or marry anyone, no one will treat you well” as a means of protecting/loving his single mom. They were very close for a while u... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 31, 2019

    How long has she been single? Has she already been obsessing over your child? Is your husband the biological father? Asking all this because it based on what you said, it sounds like your MIL has been single for a while and I’m making the assumption that your husband is the biological father of your 1 year old (info provided next to your name). So wouldn’t you know if she would obsess over th... More

  • cocomac
    Sep 02, 2019

    Yes biological father and she has been single for a long time. She is hugely obsessive and lives for any and all attention. She works part time and has friends she sees so that’s good. I’m still wondering if she’s actually holding back dating due to what my husband said. Eventually her other son will move out.. and she could get lonely.. I guess it’s. A Lesson learned. If I was her. I would be... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Aug 23, 2019

Grandmas 2x a week, daycare/school 3x a week... or cut out grandmas?

When my toddler will be 18 months, she will spend 3 days a week at daycare/school (tues/wed/thurs). And at home with mom Monday and MIL Friday. Currently she is at home full time with each grandma coming to my house. It’s been helpful because we can just run out of the house in the mornings, sometimes they cook, sometimes they fold laundry, and we get to check off the “see grandma” box and h... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 23, 2019

    Edited to add: I do pay the grandmas for their time, and I have anxiety over my kitchen (I’m going to therapy for it haha) and I hate coming home to what is essentially a daycare in my home, and the mess that comes with it. The grandmas eye sights aren’t as detailed as mine so I see every oil/water/drip drop mess!

Am I overreacting

I get very bad anxiety when my in-laws watch the baby (they are in their 70’s). Despite the wAy that I feel I let them watch the baby (10 months old) anyway, and before I left the house I forgot to turn the stove off. During the 2 hours that I wAs gone no one noticed not even my husband. It wasn’t on high and nothing was really on it except the very edge of the pan, and the chicken got burnt a... More

  • Anonymous
    Jul 31, 2019

    Overreacting because you can be equally blamed. Ex : " Shouldnt you be more careful with turning off appliances? A fire could have started and your child could have gotten severely injured or worse". Not sure anybody would turn it on you but, just in case. Nobody was hurt. Saying something will lead to an unnecessary fight.

  • anonymous mom
    Aug 08, 2019

    I get being anxious about leaving your child with your in laws. My daughter will never be alone with mine and I don’t care how many feelings I hurt. Having said that, you cannot blame them for this. You missed it yourself and it is scary but it happens. Just try to be more careful in the future.

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Jul 05, 2019

Super anxious about tomorrow

MIL asked to baby sit, we have a 16 month old and 5 month old. Both require a lot of attention and can get jealous too. She wants to take them too the zoo, (it’s super hot outside so I told her I can add her to our aquarium pass for a day, she still insisted on zoo, and the forecast shows thunderstorm all this week) we asked if anyone else was gonna go with her (her fiancé, etc) she said no it’... More

  • Stay-At-Home Dan
    Jul 08, 2019

    Sometimes we have to just be upfront and let them know that somethings are not up for discussion. Simple as that.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 08, 2019

    So I don’t mean to be a jerk, but she won’t take no for an answer because you let her walk all over you. My mil tries to tell me she’s babysitting or that she is taking my daughter to her house for the night. And she tries to say she won’t take no for an answer. I just Lol at her. My daughter, my rules. No one makes decisions for my child without my full consent. Good luck.

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Jul 03, 2019

To give or not to give?

We recently moved into a gated community, you need either a decal or stop at the front gate (who then call us) to enter. My husband wants to give a decal to his family so they can come and go as the like I would prefer not to. I’m not even giving it to my family. I really like the privacy and notice it would give us. Plus sometimes they (both mine and his) like to pop in this way they can’t and... More

  • Jess
    Jul 05, 2019

    My parents have our garage door code in case they ever need to get in but not a sticker for our community gate... for us it is not allowed to give to non residents as no point in a gated community if everyone can give out a decal to whomever.

  • anonymous mom
    Aug 08, 2019

    Uh, no. This defeats the purpose of living in a gated community 😂😂. I have to say I’m a bit jealous. I now want to live in a gated community and I want to make sure my mil has to request access through a security company who would contact me. The less I see or speak to her the better. This would solve so many problems. Hahahahaha.

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Jun 14, 2019

MIL living in the 70s/vent

I just need to vent somewhere, and this is the only place to do so because I don’t want to tell my husband because it is indeed his mother. I can’t tell my parents because they will be furious and cause more drama. And I can’t tell my friends because that would be like dissing my own family. Just as a background. My hubby and I were born and raised in Asia and have in laws that are a bit more... More

  • Ali
    Aug 26, 2019

    This sounds like a no win situation. Be glad they cannot visit again for a long time!

Anonymous posted in Babies Jun 13, 2019

Ugh worst nightmare - baby turned away from me and into MIL arms

My MIL triggered me during my maternity leave when I asked to hold my baby (I let her/she took my baby from me as soon as I was done nursing) and the look on her face said it all. Her face said “wait, what? You want to hold your own child? How dare you ask that”. Before I even married my husband, she said multiple times “I’m going to spoil your child so much they won’t want to go home with you... More

  • Anonymous
    Jun 21, 2019

    My LO does that to us to with my mom. Whether it be in law or parents that’s a very hurtful thing. I hate when they say they’re going to spoil my kids so they’d rather stay there. It may seem trivial but why would you want to do something 1. Isn’t good for the child just because it may make them happy, spoiling is not good! 2. Wanna do something so the child doesn’t wanna go to the parents. A... More

  • anonymous mom
    Jul 25, 2019

    So first, your mil is an ass. She shouldn’t keep doing something she knows will hurt you, the mother, just so she can delight in it. I would be very tempted and reactionary and may tell her I’m considering daycare at a center just because you know the teachers won’t treat you so badly. I have a horrible relationship with my mil anyway though so this would just push me over the edge. Having s... More

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