In-Laws

Learn about navigating your relationship with your mother-in-law, father-in-law and other members of your spouse's family.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Tuesday

Boundaries

I’m struggling with holding my tongue with my mother in law right now. I thought our head count for our child’s first birthday party was done until I get one of our invites “return to sender” with her handwriting on it. SHE SENT OUT OUR INVITES to people and we didn’t even know but I’m curious as to how she got her hands on them. I was already ordering food and cake with the head count I alread... More

  • Anonymous
    Tuesday

    Yes ... she doesn’t listen to him or her other son. She does what she wants because everyone in her life has catered to her whims but I don’t. I wasn’t raised that way

  • Anonymous
    Tuesday

    Who did she invite? Her own friends? I agree with first poster! Don’t cater to this people. Maybe it will be awkward for you at the party, but it will send her a message. Additionally, set boundaries AND consequences if she doesn’t respect them. That would drive me insane! My mom is bad... but not like that.

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Tuesday

My BIL is living with us and it’s a nightmare.

My brother in law has been living with us for about 3 months now and he is an absolute horror to live with. Not only does he play his music at all times of the day while my 3mo is trying to nap/sleep, he NEVER cleans up after himself even though I’ve asked him (nicely) repeatedly to do so. He just recently blew up at me for leaving ONE dirty pan on the stove because he was trying to make dinner... More

  • Anonymous
    Thursday

    I had a similar issue where I had both my mother and father I law living with us. I did all the cooking cleaning plus taking care of the kids and my mother in law did not lift a finger. She always had her tv loud while I was trying to get my children down for a nap or at night. It was horrific! I kept quiet for years because “they weren’t my parents” but they disregarded everything my husband... More

MIL watching baby, how to handle an awkward request for her to leave at end of day

When we first set up this plan to have both grandmothers watching my baby, I told my husband not to over commit because it will he awkward to scale back on commitments... And here we are, wanting to scale back our WEEKLY family dinners on Thursdays with his bro/his mom who watches my baby that day, to bi-weekly. I know if we wait till bro gets a job, that can be the reason to scale back to b... More

  • Michaela
    Apr 04

    You could be honest about the reason. Probably the hardest option but she might take it better than you expect her to

  • B
    Apr 05

    You also could stop thinking of these as dinner parties. Talk to them and say it’s too much. Hey brother, your week to bring the food. Hey grandma, I’m starting the crockpot you watch it.

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Mar 30

Husband always asking his sister for advice

Literally from baby name, to what to do when LO is sick or teething, to baby gear and it drives me up the wall. And when I tell him about it he says it’s just good to get a second opinion. It’s his younger sister and just because her kid is 4 doesn’t mean she’s a baby expert. Sometimes he’ll ask him mom but he’ll ask her too. What annoys me the most is when she’ll try to tell us what medication... More

  • Elena
    Mar 30

    Firts you should talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and how you as a mother know things as well and would like to pick your own things since it's you kids.if you have a nice relationship with you sister milaw you should talk to her as well and explain how you are grateful for her help and advice but you know what you are doing and let her know to respect the fact that you wa... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 30

    I have, I’ve told him it’s my first baby and I’d like to be the one to pick things out but he likes to bring up how it’s saving us money and when I’d ask him to return it so we can exchange it he brings up how his family got it and they’d get upset or he says he’ll do it and never gets to it and now the baby’s one already. I’ve told him when it comes to medication LO has a doctor we can ask. Bu... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Mar 28

Mothers intuition

I dont like my mil, she is rude. But is that a good enough reason to not let my son spend the night at her house? I would like them to have a relationship. But I dont want a relationship with her. I'm not sure if it's my dislike for her or my intuition telling me not to send him to her house anymore. My boyfriend wants his mom to see our son as much as she wants, which is one weekend a ... More

  • Theresa
    Apr 04

    I didn't like my mother-in-law early in our relationship but always encouraged her relationship with our children. I am glad I did. She is now one of my favorite people. If a relationship isn't good, you need to be responsible for your actions in the relationship. That means treating her the way you would like to be treated and speaking up if some behavior is not okay without condem... More

  • Bee
    Apr 16

    I don't know why this ride seems to exist between you and your MIL, but to be honest it really doesn't matter. As a mom and baby's first protector, you need to follow your own intuition at every turn. Personally, overnight visits with ANYONE - relatives included - are completely out of the question for me at this stage. Mine is 13 months old and I have no idea if this will ever chan... More

J posted in In-Laws Mar 17

Sleep training while in-laws were away

So this week since my in-laws were away for vacation I decided to sleep train my 8 month old. They have her for sleepover every Saturday night since both my husband and I have to be to work at 3am. My LO has been doing very well and has had limited to no wake ups in the last 4 nights. The last 2 nights she has slept 12hrs straight! I am afraid that once my in-laws come back and have her for... More

  • J
    Mar 19

    Thanks everyone. My in-laws will be back Friday so we’ll see!

  • Julie
    Mar 28

    No. I kind of stopped reading at “their house, their rules.” Not okay. Your baby, your rules. If I were you I would tell them you’re seeking childcare where the caregiver listens to the parents. Grand parents are great at spoiling and showing love in that way and to an extent I let it go, but if I requested something in regards to my daughters care and the answer was, “my house, my rules.” My ... More

Anonymous posted in In-Laws Mar 12

Does anyone else have this same situation?

My mother in law can be a bit overbearing sometimes. She was a teacher and I try to give her the benefit of the doubt at times because it seems to be in her nature to be authoritative and take control. When it comes to my toddler, I don’t like the fact that she’s always asking, “Did you do this or did you do that?!” I don’t need her questioning me all of the time when it comes to my child. When... More

  • Andrea
    Mar 14

    I can definitely relate to this! My mother in law is a huge know-it-all and does not respect boundaries or know her place as grandma (she tries to be a third parent). My husband used to be the same as yours and just dismiss his mother’s inappropriate and rude comments as being “just how she is.” Your mother in law is controlling and is used to getting her way, likely because no one in her own f... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 14

    Thanks so much ladies! It’s good to know that I’m not alone in this situation. I’ve had this talk with him time and time again. It’s like he’s afraid to stand up to his mother, but I’ve already had to shut it down myself to her. Not in a disrespectful way, but a way to get through to her; again it still doesn’t phase her one bit. I don’t see how me standing up to her is disrespectful(so she say... More

Dresean posted in In-Laws Mar 11

Mother is really pushy about Potty Training

Hey parents! My twin girls are 15 months old and my mother is REALLY pushing for potty training but I still think they’re too young. They aren’t really interested in the bathroom beyond following me inside and getting under the cupboards. We introduced them to a my sized potty and they pretty much just use it as a stool to stand on. My mom INSISTS that if they aren’t potty trained by the time t... More

  • Laura
    Mar 17

    I would stay away from pushing them. I tried to introduce my girl at 18 months and it was not good. Tried again at 24 months and she got frustrated but as soon as she turned 30 months, it clicked! Much smoother.

  • Lynn
    Mar 23

    Honestly, your mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about and I’d let her know that it’s your decision. Not hers. And I’d not let her potty train your kids because it seems she’ll not respect them as individuals. 2 is early and before 2 is really early. It doesn’t mean it can’t be done, but it’s much more difficult and I don’t understand the push for kids to be potty trained before they are re... More

Anonymous posted in Clothes Mar 10

Do you let in laws buy your kid clothes

My mil always buys my son clothes. To the point where he has so much and I dont want to add to the pile. So since he was born i barely bought clothes for him. Last week she was talking about buying more and i asked her to stop. I want to dress my own kid but my boyfriend has no problem asking his mom to furnish my sons wardrobe. I dont want to buy clothes that he has no need for but my boyfr... More

  • Georgina
    Mar 19

    I know what you mean. My boyfriend talked to her mom about it but she still did it anyways so i just put them in a bag deep in my sons closet and use them only when he sees her and buy him the clothes i want. This a mothers time to dress up our children. My son has soo many dress up shirts from her. I don’t see the need to put them on him? We went through the clothes together and i showed her w... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 19

    So update* the solution we came up with is she will either keep the clothes she buys at her house and he can wear them when he visits or give me money to buy the clothes myself.

Childish grandparents ruining my baby’s day

How do other parents handle divorced grandparents that act like high schoolers? This is not the first incident with them not getting along when it comes to celebrating the baby. The gender reveal party was a nightmare. I am planning my daughters 2nd birthday & it’s difficult for me because my step mother is not a fan of me & my mom. She has actually said that if my mom is there my sh... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 06

    Hi! Sorry if I sound mean but she's only your step mom..I would just talk to your dad and if he shows then that's wonderful and if he doesn't then well you know where his priority is..do what works for you and your family..continue to plan it the way you want to plan it..she's only your step mom

  • Lindsey
    Mar 09

    I have so much experience with this... and it took me a long time but you need to set boundaries with them. And your dad should stand up to her and be there for his grandchild. You need to say this is a party for my child and if you act inappropriate don’t come at all. Your child does not need toxic people in her life. It is a hard thing to do but so necessary.

Vic posted in Family Life Mar 04

How much time is reasonable

I dont like my mother in law. She has been slyly rude from the very beginning. Now that we have moved over 100 miles away from her her once a month weekend visits with my son has come to an end. Instead I'm thinking she can come up for one day one night a month. To visit with my son while my boyfriend and I have a date night. I really want to do once every 2 months since she is a pain to be... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 05

    Once a month sounds good to me. But why don’t you try it and see how everyone does? A day and a night a month isn’t bad. I wish my daughter saw her grandparents that much.

  • Vic
    Mar 05

    Thanks for your replies. To be honest a date night once a month would be nice and we wouldn't be home part of the time so it would just be her and him for the night....

Am I being crazy?

So I don’t know if this should be a big thing or not or it might just be my hormones. But I am almost 5 months pregnant and have yet to announce my pregnancy to my whole family & friends. That being said, the only people that do know are just immediate family members on my side and my boyfriend’s side. I haven’t broadcast my pregnancy to my uncles or aunts yet, let alone any friends or any... More

  • Taylor
    Feb 16

    you have every right momma congrats on the pregnancy!

  • annag
    Mar 25

    i would be... very Put Out. But then i would want to take this opportunity to set good boundaries, and appropriate consequences, with people in your life. Like, consider openly discussing facebook-posting policies, and other privacy concerns, along with how you plan to react to infractions against your rules. Good luck! :-)

Jessica posted in In-Laws Feb 06

Family social media posts

So my husbands family likes to posts pictures of our daughter on social media, which I actually have a huge problem with (that’s 700+ strangers per family member) but I let it go. But they constantly post pictures portraying our daughter as my husbands sisters child, caption and all, implying she belongs to my sister-in-law, and they DO NOT correct people when they comment. They actively crop m... More

  • Sarah
    Feb 07

    Have you talked to your sister in law about it? It doesn’t sound she’s taking part of all this drama, so I’m curious how she feels about all of it. Would imagine she might be hurt that her family is trying to project a different life for her, showing the world what they wish her life was. If she’s upset about it too, she might be better able to stop the behavior than you. And if not, at least ... More

  • Julieann Dela Cruz
    Feb 12

    This is exactly how my in-laws are. My sister in law goes around telling people that my son is her son and no matter how many times I talk to my in-laws and bf they don’t listen to me at all. And now I am almost 5 months pregnant and my in-laws are already claiming that my baby is there’s. My sister in law claims that as well due to all of their sibling looking alike. My son came out looking li... More

Anonymous posted in Food & Cooking Feb 05

Feeding issues - picky eater

Long story short, our daughter has some weight gain issues at 15 months and my mother in law moved in for the next month. We’ve been told to try not to make meals “about the baby” and stare at her and clap when she eats etc... While it’s cute and clapping make she smile and she claps as well this could also being causing more issues since she is like on display or performing. I know it’s amaz... More

  • Anonymous
    Feb 05

    @ Julie... thanks! Yes, our daughter is home with us but we are hoping to do meal play dates since she liked to watch other babies. She really enjoys it! I think I’ll be looser with the idea of cheering with meals as I know she gets happy and loves to clap and be playful with us all. I just need to adjust to having a MIL living with us for a month... small house, limited time alone with me ... More

  • A
    Feb 05

    Ultimately you are the parent and have the right to raise your child as you please. Maybe gently (or if need be add some firmness) talk with MIL and express that you want to teach your daughter that meal time is for family to interact and not just fun and games

Anonymous posted in Family Life Feb 05

I abhor my mil

I can never escape a conversation unscathed. She talks about a lot to seem polite but I always anticipate the insult because 9/10 times it is layered in there... I've tried to avoid talking to her or even having to see her but it seems I can't get away from this Petty manipulative woman. I've allowed my son to go over for one weekend each month. And even then I try to limit my... More

  • Julie
    Mar 28

    Does your boyfriend know how she’s treating you and how you feel?? He should be your advocate and helping you and defending you. If someone treats me like crap they don’t get the privilege of being around my baby. Same goes for my husband.

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Jan 15

Mother in Law drama. Trying to parent over us?? PLEASE HELP!

WARNING: LONG POST BUT I'M DESPERATE Hey Mommies! (& Daddies) My hubby and I have 3 kiddos, 1 baby boy in common (6mo.) & He has 2 children from a previous marriage 8 yr old boy and 10yr old girl. My stepkids mother would never let the kids go to their Gmas house and they never got alone time with her. Which I honestly think is ridiculous. When I became pregnant I told my MIL that ... More

  • Lily
    Jan 24

    First don't feel like you need to take the kids to see her all the time. Also, don't let her over to your house all the time. Don't let her talk you into letting the baby stay with her, he is yours and she has no right to keep him for the night. Also, we had the same problem with my mother in law and grmadma in law....we would be out shopping and they would just take the baby withou... More

  • Anonymous
    Jan 24

    Thank you all so much! I appreciate all the input and advice. I really thought I was just being ridiculous but I’m so happy to hear that other women feel the same way.

Cathy posted in In-Laws Jan 15

Help with my Mother-in-law

Let me preface this by saying I have a 2 year old son. Since before he was born, my MIL has always said, “You look tired,” “You must be tired,” or “Are you tired.” Whenever she sees me she makes this type of comment. My husband has talked to her about it, and she has still continued to make those statements. Over the weekend, we drove two hours into the mountains to see my in-laws. My son di... More

  • XinHua
    Jan 23

    simply respond her "I'm phenomenal & fabulous. Thanks for your concern, but no thanks, please mind your own affair!" Then do not acknowledge her remarks afterwards.

  • Lauren
    Mar 28

    I'd say im great but I am tired. Take the baby. See ya. Im going to sleep. Then when u get back. Tell her she looks tired lmao.

Anonymous posted in Family Life Jan 10

Baby’s name online

We will tell my mother in law to not post our baby’s full name online and she’ll listen ... for the time being. Then she does it again. I don’t know why she has to put her full name on Facebook but it’s really bothering me. Family knows her name so why does she have to always put it out there in every comment. I seriously wish she didn’t have a Facebook so I didn’t have to worry about my child... More

  • Tyler
    Jan 15

    I think social media leads us to believe kidnappings etc. are happening at a faster rate than other times in history. Multiple polls that I have seen show actual crime rates declining. I get the frustration and I don’t believe the child is in any more danger with or without it. I would be cautious not to react to something and strain a relationship with a loved one over something like that... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Jan 09

MIL wants to stay overnight too much

Hello All, Looking for some advice. Background: My in laws live at the beach, which is about 3 hours away from where my husband and I (and kids) live. My husband and I live in a bigger city, which means that the major airport and hospitals are located here. Every time that my in laws travel they come stay the night at our house since their flights are typically early in the morning and they d... More

  • Amanda
    Jan 09

    This is super tough. Totally understand how this is making you crazy. And also understand how it’s a delicate situation with your FIL. What does your husband think about this? If it’s going to be addressed, he should be the one to do so and to provide them the help on figuring out an alternative. Maybe it’s that they’re to overwhelmed with your FILs condition to think about anything else right ... More

Cheryl posted in Holidays Jan 01

Christmas gift with strings attached

My husbands grandfather gives his grandchildren $100 every year for Christmas. Since marrying his grandson, I have been included in that. This year, he asked everyone to tell him what we spend it on. I asked my husband why and the reason he gave me was “He likes feeling useful.” I’m a little grumpy about this ‘gift’. It feels like he gave money to all his grandkids so that HE could feel good. ... More

  • Robin
    Jan 12

    We send MIL a note thanking her for the “pedi-mani” or facial or something that would be indulgent for you and satisfy their wishes. I think he’s probably just wants a way to remain a part of everyone’s life- and keeps him in touch with you all.

  • Theresa
    Apr 04

    I have to wonder how this is different from a thank you note. I was always taught that when given a gift one mentions how it is appreciated/used/valued as part of the thank you note. I see nothing intrusive in his wanting to know especially since his queries could be avoided with a proper thank you note.

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