Trauma & Grief

Support and advice for getting through hard times including discussing death and illness with children and helping kids recover from abuse or neglect.

Tracy posted in Behavior Sep 05

My 4 year old does not listen, AT ALL!

He hits, kicks, bites etc. It's not just when he doesn't get his way. Sometimes just randomly. He refuses time out. He thinks he does not have to listen.. I am a single mom, his father died when I was pregnant. I've tried everything! It's as if he is not scared of anything or anyone. HELP!

  • Mrs. HHH
    Sep 06

    I’m so sorry about your situation. Have you seen a behavioral specialist? How is he at school? Or is he just difficult with you?

Sarita posted in Sleep Aug 27

3 year old sleeping arrangements

Hi, My hubby passed away back on December 30 th of last year. Both our kids have slept in their room, since my hubby passed they have wanted to sleep in my room. My son is ok now sleeping in his room. My daughter has not wanted to sleep in her room. I have tried for two nights, to let her fall asleep and then transferring her to her room. One night she did alright only woke up once and it was ... More

  • Anonymous
    Aug 30

    I’m really sorry for your loss. Consistency is my only tip in regards to your toddlers sleep issue. As many times as she wakes up in the middle of the night, go to her, calm her down and put her back to bed. It’s exhausting but it was the tip that we got and it has also worked for us. Except... we don’t have a loss in our family. I don’t have a 3 year old yet, but is she possibly still grie... More

  • Destin
    Sep 01

    I don’t know if this is the case, but is it possible with the loss of her daddy that she is worried about losing you too and doesn’t want to be away from you? Just a thought. It’s never too young to look into grief counseling. Loss is incredibly difficult and sometimes too much to deal with on our own. Best of luck!

Anonymous posted in Trauma & Grief May 30

Loss of family

My husband is currently at the hospital with his mother dying. They think she will pass in the next 3-5 days. I'm looking for advice on ways to best support him. I'm covering the basics at home with the kids and we're in the middle of having the house worked on, but I'm trying to think of anything I'm probably missing to make things easier right now. Thanks

  • Gean
    Jun 06

    Try to remember that men do not think like women. For me, when I lost my mother I was working most times an hour from home. That is when I did most of my crying, and thinking, and wrestling with God. I didnt talk to my wife till I was ready to. In hind site I should have talked to her sooner, and more often. But I felt I had to be strong for her and the kids, so the time alone was good for me. ... More

Anxiety about death

Recently, my own Dad has been facing some health issues. Very serious. I’ve been reflecting on loss, grief, “what-ifs,” and most importantly my own death. It fills me with such heartache at the thought of losing my own parents, but also should something happen to me or my husband. Is this normal? Does anyone else think about the loss of themselves and how it would impact their family? Every c... More

  • Bee
    Apr 16

    I found that becoming a parent instantly jettisoned me into all types of fears, mostly surrounding my children's wellbeing, but it seems your fear of death is directly tied to that. Honestly, I think it's pretty normal, but I'd still be on the lookout for anything that's keeping you from functioning "normally" (whatever that means for you).

  • Ana-Maria
    Apr 16

    I agree that it‘s a common theme after becoming a parent (or maybe mother). Its good to share your concerns, your fears with other mothers who are going through a similar experience. The fact that there are others out there feeling what you feel might hopefully make the hardship more bearable. and can we all please practice honesty about our experiences as mothers and once and for all demystify... More

Victoria posted in Pets Mar 12

Looking for some advice from parents who have had to talk to their children about their pet death.

Our cat Miss Peaches has cancer and is nearing the end of her life. I'm looking for ways to start talking to my almost 3 year old about what's going to happen. He knows she's old and we've talked about her being sick, so at least we're there already. He's very gentle with her and loves her very much. Now she probably only has about 2 months left and we're planning on... More

  • Elizabeth
    Mar 20

    First of all, I am so sorry. Second, if you are religious you could tell your child(ren) that the cat went to Jesus/Heaven. You could also distract them with a fish or hamster or other small pet.

  • Elle
    Mar 20

    Ditto Stacey's advice. 1000%. It's best to use clear and honest and factual explanations of what happened. It's best to let them know both verbally and by displaying the range of emotions that they might feel, that is it OK and normal to feel feelings of sadness, loss, and grief. There are some things people do to that are well-meaning but ultimately detrimental... Making up stori... More

Miscarriage blues

I had a miscarriage of my 3rd baby a couple years ago. I felt like something was off because I had hyper emesis and couldn't even hold water down. I was in the hospital probably twice a week. In one of those visits we found that the baby died at 10 weeks. I had to carry it until 16 weeks to get a DnC. I was devistated but time heals all wounds, however lately ive been thinking of it a lo... More

  • Carrie
    Feb 27

    Time does help heal wounds, but does not erase them. I had 2 miscarriages before having my son and every so often I get sad thinking about those babies and who they'd be today. I even get really emotional with my son, especially cuddling before bed, and shed a couple tears for all that we went through to get him. I will forever remember the love I had for the babies I lost and refuse to le... More

Can anyone help me with this?

My mom just lost her baby girl, 6 DAYS before she was going to give birth. My mom had a nuchal cord is when the umbilical cord becomes wrapped around the fetus's neck. Symptoms present in the baby shortly after birth from a prior nuchal cord may include duskiness of face, facial petechia, and bleeding in the whites of the eye. Complications can include meconium, respiratory distress, anemia... More

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Jan 04

    I have no advice but I want express my sincerest condolences for your loss. It is so thoughtful for you to be seeking advice from those who have similar experiences. Maybe you can help her find a group near you. I had a miscarriage early in pregnancy (definitely not trying to compare the experience) but it helped me a lot to speak with people who had similar experiences. Helping your mom find ... More

  • Eileen
    Jan 27

    I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going thru. My baby girl passed away on November she was 6 months. Losing someone that you were so eager to see grow and love is not easy. Be there for one another, never blame yourself. Know she will always be with you. Have a support system family, beliefs, therapy or hobbies.

Anonymous posted in Mental Health Dec 11, 2018

Parental Compassion or Postpartum Anxiety? Triggered by Tragedies in the News

I have a 1 year old and am a news junkie... or at least was before the baby. Here’s my problem- almost daily some tragedy involving kids or babies makes the paper (including the migrant caravan seeking asylum, etc). I honestly didn’t give it much thought before having a kid. Now it’s devastating- I carry these stories around with me (for months), imagining what the parents are going through. ... More

  • Mrs. HHH
    Dec 21, 2018

    I thought about seeing a shrink to help me get over this EXACT ISSUE! In fact I was gonna post about this on Winnie but was fearful I was overreacting. I too am haunted for months after hearing/reading horrific instances of abuse, neglect on children. My own child goes to bed every night safe, clean, full belly, feeling secure. EVERY CHILD SHOULD HAVE AT BARE MINIMUM THAT RIGHT THERE. It driv... More

  • Shal
    Jan 13

    Oh my god... yes. After having my daughter, I'm weak.. I had to give up all my favorite murder mystery shows just in case there is a child involved.. I can't watch news or I have to screen the synopsis of everything I might watch. It's such a weird thing.. but I read somewhere once that there is actually a part of the brain that changes after childbirth, that makes mothers more sens... More

Anonymous posted in Pets Dec 03, 2018

Pet loss

If anyone is dealing with the loss of a family pet and wondering how to comfort their children during this process the book “Dog Heaven” is great to help them grieve and somewhat understand the loss of their pet. Also what helped us to communicate the death of our dog to our 3-year-old was to be honest and upfront, use the words “he died,” and say it’s ok to be sad or mad about it.

Anonymous posted in Trauma & Grief Nov 29, 2018

Need suggestion for gifts for my daughter's daycare teacher who just lost her husband.

She has two young children as well. I would like to give something to them as well. Any suggestions would appreciated. Thanks

  • Amanda
    Dec 11, 2018

    Meals are always a huge help. Sometimes you just forget to eat but if it's right there and you can smell it, you're more likely to do so. Also, check back after a few weeks to let them know you still care. Normally, after the funeral, everyone goes back to their lives and now you're alone.

  • Emily
    Jan 05

    Depending on the cause of death, a donation to a like charity in the person’s name is thoughtful.

Anonymous posted in Trauma & Grief Nov 10, 2018

Marriage?

I’ve had a very abusive marriage for the time I’ve been married to my spouse. During my pregnancy it got physical and I left for a while. It always stops and continues later on. It reached a point after 2 years of this where I finally involved the police. It’s been mental, emotional, verbal, and physical and we currently are not allowed to have any contact towards each other. The night I called... More

  • Michelle
    Dec 05, 2018

    Remember that if you leave, HE is disbanding the family by choosing to be abusive...if he wanted the family to stay together, he would’ve treated the mother of his son with respect. You deserve more and your son deserves more. What if he also was abusiva towards your son? What if your son was scarred from it and was too messed up to have a family of his own or was abusive towards his wife? Don’... More

  • Anonymous
    Dec 28, 2018

    Leave. For your own sake. For the sake of your son. You deserve better. Just leave. You'll be glad you did. Take back control of your life. There is so much good out there that you'll be able to fully experience once you're out from under this dark cloud.

Anonymous posted in Faith & Religion Oct 22, 2018

Explaining life after death, heaven and God to a preschooler

Our 5 year old son usually goes to Sunday School at church, but last Easter he sat with us. Since then, he's had questions about death, heaven, God and Jesus, why's and why nots, when will he die, when will we die, he doesn't want to die, he doesn't want to be without us when we die, where is heaven, where is God, etc. These are things hard enough to understand as an adult. Do... More

  • Susan
    Oct 23, 2018

    My 18 month daughter just lost her daddy a month ago. I’ve been struggling with the same question. Right now she just misses him and wonders why he doesn’t come home. I know eventually when she gets older she will want to know why. Interested in hearing the best ways to explain death.

  • Anonymous
    Oct 23, 2018

    @Susan So so very sorry to hear of your/your daughters loss! Praying for comfort for family and your daughter now and as she gets older!

Miscarriage support

One of my close friends just suffered a miscarriage that was very traumatic not only emotionally, but physically as well. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant, and am seeking advice on how to support her during this time without seeming like I'm flaunting my own pregnancy. For anyone who has had a miscarriage and is willing to share, what would have been helpful to you?

  • Audrey
    Oct 23, 2018

    http://shop.drjessicazucker.com I wish someone had sent me a ‘real’ card like this after I miscarried.

  • Tracy
    Oct 26, 2018

    I had a miscarriage and it took a toll on me. My sister was pregnant st the same time and our due days were literally days apart. I found it very hard to be around her while she was pregnant and when she had my nephew it was very emotional for me. I would suggest just calling her and see how she’s feeling or see if there is anything you can do for her. Everyone is different so maybe see if she ... More

Anonymous posted in Family Life Oct 02, 2018

Addiction

My sister is married to an alcoholic who refuses to go to a treatment facility. She is going to therapy with him and he is on anti abuse. He recently lost his job due to a pee test coming back positive for edibles and instead of forcing the treatment she is chalking it up to he wanted a new job anyway. They have two kids and as a new mom myself I just don’t understand her anymore. Has anyone de... More

  • Lin
    Oct 02, 2018

    His behavior can have an affect on the kids long term. He should get help before it turns worse for himself and/or his family. Imagine what its like being your sister. What she must be going through. I have a flaky sister too and I have to at least try for her and know that she'll come to her senses when change hurts less than her current situation. Keep faith.

  • Jessica
    Oct 05, 2018

    You’re a great sister for being concerned and the only thing he needs is rehab. If he is refusing, in my opinion she needs to kick him out until he gets his sh*t together. (Sober for a year) I’m a big fan of Dr Laura and people are always calling in with this type of situation. IMO, you should work hard on staying together unless the other person is abusive or an addict. The rough part is she... More

Anonymous posted in Child & Pregnancy Loss Sep 26, 2018

Should I wait?

My best friend miscarried nine months ago and has not been able to get pregnant again. I am pregnant with my third baby and I don’t know how to tell her. I know she will be crushed.

  • Anonymous
    Sep 27, 2018

    Honestly from someone who’s been thru 5 miscarriages. At the time i think id had 2 or 3 and all i ever wanted was to be a mum, my brothers wife got pregnant i was upset to begin with as they didnt tell me my whole family knew! I was jealous but happy for them, each person grieves in their own way but if it was my best friend id want to know so i could be happy for her even though i was struggli... More

  • Anonymous
    Sep 27, 2018

    Id also make sure its just you two (maybe have her partner there) and know she will probably burst into tears but hopefully as your best friend will understand life doesn’t stop. It was hard to begin with for me but time heals and helps. Allow her to have her feelings even if you dont like some of what shes feeling or saying. Give her space if she needs it. Good luck

Grief.

How do you deal with grief with two young babies without stressing them out. My dad sexually physically and emotionally abused me my whole life so we have no relationship. My grandpa was all I had. In May he died of stage four lung and liver cancer. I was 34 weeks with my second, my first adored him. Today was his birthday (the first since he died) I’ve been an absolute mess. My two and a half ... More

  • Cristina
    Sep 24, 2018

    Little river. Little bit of a hike but my boyfriend live in Myrtle.

  • Mikayla
    Sep 24, 2018

    Add me on Facebook Mikayla Gould!

Heidi posted in Pets Jun 19, 2018

Our family dog passed away tonight suddenly. How do I explain this to our almost three year old?

  • Superdad
    Jun 21, 2018

    Good old Daniel saves the day again! Lol Just don’t tell them that All Dogs go to Heaven... 🙄

  • Jason
    Jun 21, 2018

    Best book I've ever found to explain death to kids is this one: https://www.amazon.com/Life-Like-Wind-Big-Hug/dp/XXX-XXXX/ . Three might be a touch young for it, but as I wrote in my review on Amazon: "It's sensitive and sweet, yet still very matter-of-fact - it doesn't shy away from the truth about death: a life has left a body and gone somewhere else. It offers multiple ideas... More

It’s never too late to heal past traumas :)

Every woman deserves the opportunity to fully heal and recover from birth trauma. It is never too late to address a past trauma. Listen to episode 59 of Fourth Trimester Podcast to hear:  How to recognize that you've experienced trauma or PTSD (untreated past traumas can act as triggers and show up at unexpected moments) How to begin addressing a potential trauma - the first steps to take... More

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