Tough Topics

Parenting is a long journey with high highs and low lows. Learn how to navigate the lows with children in the picture.

This is a safe, judgement-free zone to discuss loss, miscarriage, divorce, disability and other tough stuff that affects parents, children and families.

Anonymous posted in Marriage & Partnership Monday

Husband is so negative

My husband gets In these moods every week or so where he gets irritated over anything and everything. Last night he took over dinner because I wasn’t making it right. If I did this to him he would be pissed at me. I let him take over and then he follows me around complaining and scolding me in front of the kids. Other nights I ask him to watch dinner so I can watch the kids and he gets n... More

  • CheerioMama
    Thursday

    Sounds like he may have an undiagnosed mental illness. Nothing to be ashamed of at all btw. It could be bipolar or anxiety. Anger and irritation is one of the lesser known symptoms of anxiety. That, or he just has a lack of self control.

  • Samuel
    Yesterday

    Therapy.

Anonymous posted in Blended Families May 18

Out of state custody

I am looking into moving to another state in order to get away from my daughter’s father- he is really not a safe person. I know I need to be in a new state for 182 days in order to gain jurisdiction there. Does anyone have experience in this type of situation that could offer me advice or pleasant stories (I’m terrified to do this). Much love! Thank you!

  • Anya levonavna
    Monday

    I was in a very similar situation I’m 2012 when I found myself in a toxic marriage with an abusive man. We lived in PA but I was from New York City and still had a lot of strong ties there. I took my two year old son and left in the middle of the night. My husband came several times to try to take our son back but as soon as he would show up I d call the police. I went to the precinct and I spo... More

  • Anonymous
    Friday

    Anya, thank you! How did you get jurisdiction? My biggest question now is what do I need to do right away so that I can prove that I have been there 6 months when the time comes?

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation May 16

Any tips on a custody battle?

Any tips on a custody battle, I’ve been trying to avoid, but it just seems more and more likely that we will have to go down this road

  • Naomi
    May 17

    Don’t approach it as a battle. Approach it as a series of sessions designed to plan the best most secure present and future for the children. If emotions are too high, seek a neutral moderator or arbitrator and hew to their suggestions. Peace and calm in the family, even if it’s a broken family, will be far more important to the children in the long run that who has who for weekends, etc.

Anonymous posted in Tough Topics May 15

Needing to get out for safety

My daughter and I need to leave the state due to not being safe around her father. Has anyone obtained jurisdiction in other state? What did you have to do in order to make sure everything was in place. I know you have to be there for 182 days before you have jurisdiction there, how do you get the clock ticking? Also, does anyone have any advice about leaving the state like this? Has anyone be... More

  • Anonymous
    May 16

    If you leave without his consent it might legally be considered kidnapping? Maybe talk to a lawyer before taking action, so that you have some legal footing?

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation May 06

What’s in a name?

I was hoping to gather some ideas.... I’m not sure how to teach my 19 month old daughter who her deadbeat birth father is. I cannot bring myself to call him her “dad” or “dada” or “daddy” because those terms seem more enduring and imply a close relationship, which he does not have with her. (He sees her/asks to see her about 1 time a month and ends up just taking pictures to post on social medi... More

  • Anonymous
    May 07

    You could use his first name? That way no relationship is implied or guaranteed. If you’d also like to include paternity, you could go with something that’s less casual & perhaps less affectionate: father, donor, kin?

  • Lily
    May 09

    I would say just use his first name. Seems appropriate for someone who is only seen once a month

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Apr 30

I feel stuck.

I’m a SAHM with a 23 month old, and currently pregnant. I’d really like to leave my husband; I feel like he finds joy in putting me down and finding fault in everything I do; but Before our daughter was born we’d decided I’d stay home to raise her. Now I have no job, and rely on my husband for financial support. I have no family or friends that I can turn to. Does anyone have any advice? PS:... More

  • Jenn
    May 02

    Are there any domestic violence shelters near you? Sounds like maybe a DV situation. You can call the hotline and they will help you XXX-XXXX

  • Sj
    May 03

    Get your ducks in a row before you leave. Find an income and place to live that’s stable. Don’t go until you do. And keep in mind he will have joint custody even if the baby. It’s a hard fact but you will have half the time of your children’s life. I left without a solid plan and without knowing this.

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Apr 30

Single co-parent depression

Any single parents with joint custody that could give advice on depression while away from your child? I do understand this can be personal but when I’m away from my daughter it leaves me with no motivation to do anything. I’ve tried activities, burying myself in my work, gym, dating (made it worse) and even getting a puppy. Nothing can break this void of missing my daughter To make it wor... More

  • Anonymous
    May 03

    We have an agreement that we follow closely between us adults - video chat at 7 pm every night for the kids and the “away” parent. It helps everyone catch up on news, say hello & I love you, & helps keep away the loneliness a bit. It’s not perfect but it’s something.

  • Sj
    May 03

    I get a court ordered call each night at 7:30 which he doesn’t allow most days. It’s the not raising my babies half the time. Such grief and loss... like a half death

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Apr 19

Abusive ex

I have a 1 year old with an ex that is both verbally and physically abusive to me and my son (just in the little amount of time he sees him), as well as a drug addict. He has basically had no interest in our child (only saw him a couple times a month by choice and always under supervision). About a month ago I served him with custody papers to officially get sole custody. Now all of a sudden he... More

  • Sj
    May 03

    Document everything! Email your ex do not talk on phone. Offer supervised visits offer phone calls. Show the court you want his involvement only if he is safely supervised. If you have proof of his abuse show it and don’t hold back. You don’t want the court to give him joint custody. Play hardball. Most courts will give dads custody unless you can show/ prove abuse either domestic or drugs. If ... More

Anonymous posted in Child Care Apr 18

Mark on child's arm from school

What would you do if your very verbal 2.5yo came home with a red mark all around their wrist? I asked "what happened why is your arm red?" and my daughter said the teacher pulled her. I asked why did she pull you? She said because it was naptime. I asked her if she was in her bed at naptime she said no i was not in my bed. I asked what did you say when the teacher pulled you. She said... More

  • Jennifer
    Apr 25

    Please let us know what happened and what steps you took as I'm very concern for the safety of your daughter and the kids at that school.

  • Julie
    Wednesday

    Any updates?? A similar thing happened to my cousins son yesterday. The center is blowing it off, she’s contacting the local authorities to determine next steps. Children at this age are not liars.

Ivy posted in Money Apr 18

Arrears child support

Please no rude comments, only constructive responses. Long story— So my mom kicked out my dad and threw out all his stuff with him when I was in high school. My mom basically had her lawyer tell us (6kids) that we couldn’t live with my dad because the law said we had to stay with my mom. That didn’t make sense to us because we knew friends who lived with their dad but we didn’t know enough. An... More

  • Ivy
    Apr 22

    Kate, thanks for your response. I’m going to look through some of your suggestions and continue researching what else we can do, if anything. I have looked at the link and it says debt relief doesn’t include child support arrears.

  • Lee
    Yesterday

    1) Your dad needs an attorney for any future dealings with your mom. 2) Your dad needs to contact the Texas Attorney General. They can help to reduce child support as the support has changed from six to two kids. State law is black and white; 20% of income for one child and it increases by an additional 1% for each child thereafter. 3) If there is a language barrier he may have ground to ha... More

Toddler Talks

So I’m new to this but I’m kind of hoping someone will have some advice. My daughter will be three may 31st but she doesn’t talk. Mostly just grunts and whines. But I also lost a daughter 7.7.17 and being a year old I didn’t think it’d affect her. Am I just stressing for no reason?

  • Ozie
    Apr 18

    My daughter was the same she’ll be 3 in November however the only thing that saved me was placing her in what we call an educare it’s a school for toddlers. She doesn’t say anything in school just yet (they think she doesn’t speak) but when she comes home she says everything they have gone over in school. From colors, to counting, she can now count to thirty as opposed to three months ago when ... More

  • Maxine
    Apr 18

    So sorry about your loss, Sarahh. 💔 Your local school board will usually evaluate your child for free. If your child qualifies for one, she will receive an IEP (Individual Education Plan) and be referred to a preschool that offers therapy for free. You can take that referral and get a full diagnosis from a neurologist if there’s a diagnosis to be had.

Toddler having a rough time

My ex boyfriend and i split up and are having a rough time with our two year old son with coping. We moved apart and we separated at the same time. He has been extra sensitive. If i ask if he needs to go potty, he responds with whining and screaming no no no nooo. I just say oh okay. But he gets angry and starts crying telling me to ask him again where he cries and whines some more. Its very st... More

  • Anonymous
    Apr 15

    I’m sorry about the breakup and the struggles with your little one. I think it will just take time. I’m not sure how long you’ve been apart but it’s hard on kids at first. As long as you’re both spending quality time with him and you listen when he’s upset that’s all you can really do. Get on his level, give lots of hugs, and heat him out. Good luck!!

  • Tara
    Apr 15

    I’m also very sorry to hear about your break-up and the struggles you’re facing. I second anonymous’ suggestion re cuddles, quality time, listening and talking to him on his own level. My parents split when I was under 2, and if it’s any conciliation, they managed to foster a healthy relationship, and that’s all I know of their relationship... so I hope your son settles into this break-up, and ... More

Anonymous posted in Pregnancy & Childbirth Apr 12

7 Weeks Pregnant, First Ultrasound, Yolk Sac Visible but no baby no heartbeat seen

I'm 7 weeks and 6 days pregnant (according to an app) based on my lmp. I had confirmed my pregnancy by 5 hpts and 1 blood test. Today was my first visit with the OB. We did the ultrasound, we saw the uterus and yolk sac but no fetal pole. I asked the doctor if it indicates an ectopic pregnancy and the doctor said that the yolk sac is inside the uterus so that eliminates that. We had to ... More

  • Anonymous
    Apr 30

    More blood tests were done and showed that my HCG levels were rising but did not double up. Today I was at the doctor's office and was told after a second scan that my pregnancy isn’t viable. This time we did see the fetal pole and the yolk sac. They think that the baby had stopped growing and had recommended I do a D&C tomorrow. They told me that I can also wait for the natural misc... More

  • Bethany
    May 07

    I'm 6 weeks and 2 days. Went in for an ultrasound today and there is a yolk sac but no fetal pole. They said it likely could be due to the fact that I'm still early. I've had 2 m/c and a chemical pregnancy a few months ago. Im praying in a few days the embryo is visible but I cant help but think it isnt growing like it should be. I could have swore I was further along than 6 weeks. ... More

Anxiety about death

Recently, my own Dad has been facing some health issues. Very serious. I’ve been reflecting on loss, grief, “what-ifs,” and most importantly my own death. It fills me with such heartache at the thought of losing my own parents, but also should something happen to me or my husband. Is this normal? Does anyone else think about the loss of themselves and how it would impact their family? Every c... More

  • Bee
    Apr 16

    I found that becoming a parent instantly jettisoned me into all types of fears, mostly surrounding my children's wellbeing, but it seems your fear of death is directly tied to that. Honestly, I think it's pretty normal, but I'd still be on the lookout for anything that's keeping you from functioning "normally" (whatever that means for you).

  • Ana-Maria
    Apr 16

    I agree that it‘s a common theme after becoming a parent (or maybe mother). Its good to share your concerns, your fears with other mothers who are going through a similar experience. The fact that there are others out there feeling what you feel might hopefully make the hardship more bearable. and can we all please practice honesty about our experiences as mothers and once and for all demystify... More

Anonymous posted in Relationships Apr 02

Is it possible to still have PPD 8 years after your first kid?

Idk what it is.... I feel so disconnected from her.... I feel like such a piece of crap about our terrible relationship. She looks just like her dad (the abusive pos who we left when she was 1 and havent seen since) when shes misbehaving and just some of the things she does normally. Which as much as i try not to let it bother me it does sometimes. Im still dealing with ptsd from the trama i de... More

  • Jay
    Apr 02

    Hello and I’m sorry to hear about these challenges, however I give you a big pat on the back for reaching out and doing something about it. My biggest advice is to continue doing just that... keep asking questions. Keep seeking help. Keep searching for ways to learn what’s behind this behavior and know that it is not the behavior itself that’s the problem... When a smart girl “can’t remember” t... More

Anonymous posted in Education Mar 28

Emotional

To Mums/Dads of kids of color(black)- My son recently got his 1st innocent experience of racial discrimination. I wasnt ready for it yet and didnt have a contigency plan on what to do, so it make sense that I just froze when a much older kid at the library told my toddler to go away coz he looks scary and Black. He is just a toddler, and probably wont remember, but he is starting preschool soo... More

  • Luis
    Mar 29

    Honestly, I would be just as worried and I would be asking myself the same questions. I am in absolute awe of how people of color keep it together in this country... I don’t have the mental strength, I would go crazy... I can offer you this: if it ever happens in front of me, I will not paralyze and I will not stay quiet. I’m very sorry you had to witness that... and from a child ...

  • Anonymous
    Apr 14

    Thanks for all the replies and good thoughts... Couldn't find any preschool with diversity and inclusion on their agenda, ever.... But I will keep on searching... 🙏🏾

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Mar 20

Any of you guys going through custody battles with an ex once you have sued for child support?

  • Taylor
    Mar 20

    yes. i finally got him to sign an agreement my lawyer made because he figured he would get basically nothing going to court

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Mar 17

New boyfriend

How long should I wait to bring my son around my new boyfriend? I've been good friends with my bf for almost 10 years now, but we didn't start being a couple until recently. When and how should I tell my child's father? My child's father and I have been broken up for almost 2 years, but still living together until about a month ago. My child's father and I had no issues no... More

  • Kerry
    Mar 18

    Did your child know your bf before you started dating? How old is your child? Imo if youve known him for that long and trust him have him around your son but as a friend to him not a “father/dad” figure. The father cant dictate who you have around your son unless it puts your son in danger or a bad situation. If you have good friends and family, then have them around your son. Specially if you ... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Mar 17

Separation and Coparenting

My ex and I are trying to create a parenting agreement without having to go to court. Are there any ideas on what for sure needs to be in it? Or ideas on things that are good to include or not include?

  • Mary
    Mar 19

    I just filed my separation agreement, divorce final in 30 days... We used a mediator as we are very amicable and only used the court to file. Our SA has the following in it: Custody - list out who has legal and physical... it could 50/50 for both. Parenting schedule - who has who and when... list out the every day - what a typical week looks like. And then add in all the caveats; thanksgiving... More

  • Laura
    Mar 28

    If it’s “not so amicable” you would want to add that when the child is visiting, parents should encourage contact with the other parent. The contact should only be positive in nature and initiated only twice a day, with child’s contact amount 24/7. Also state in the Agreement that there are to be no disparaging comments made by ANYONE, to or around the child. Also specify which parent is re... More

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