Tough Topics

Parenting is a long journey with high highs and low lows. Learn how to navigate the lows with children in the picture.

This is a safe, judgement-free zone to discuss loss, miscarriage, divorce, disability and other tough stuff that affects parents, children and families.

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Sunday

New boyfriend

How long should I wait to bring my son around my new boyfriend? I've been good friends with my bf for almost 10 years now, but we didn't start being a couple until recently. When and how should I tell my child's father? My child's father and I have been broken up for almost 2 years, but still living together until about a month ago. My child's father and I had no issues no... More

  • Kerry
    Monday

    Did your child know your bf before you started dating? How old is your child? Imo if youve known him for that long and trust him have him around your son but as a friend to him not a “father/dad” figure. The father cant dictate who you have around your son unless it puts your son in danger or a bad situation. If you have good friends and family, then have them around your son. Specially if you ... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Sunday

Separation and Coparenting

My ex and I are trying to create a parenting agreement without having to go to court. Are there any ideas on what for sure needs to be in it? Or ideas on things that are good to include or not include?

  • Hope
    Monday

    You can write up a stipulation that you both sign and have signed off my court. You don’t need a lawyer to do this because you are agreeing on what information you wrote in the packet. Things like holidays, child care costs, medical and dental insurance and costs, child support, etc. at least that’s how it is in MN not sure what state you are in.

  • Mary
    3h ago

    I just filed my separation agreement, divorce final in 30 days... We used a mediator as we are very amicable and only used the court to file. Our SA has the following in it: Custody - list out who has legal and physical... it could 50/50 for both. Parenting schedule - who has who and when... list out the every day - what a typical week looks like. And then add in all the caveats; thanksgiving... More

Victoria posted in Pets Mar 12

Looking for some advice from parents who have had to talk to their children about their pet death.

Our cat Miss Peaches has cancer and is nearing the end of her life. I'm looking for ways to start talking to my almost 3 year old about what's going to happen. He knows she's old and we've talked about her being sick, so at least we're there already. He's very gentle with her and loves her very much. Now she probably only has about 2 months left and we're planning on... More

  • Anne
    Thursday

    I don’t have much to add to the very good advice in here but I just want to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so hard. Wishing your family love and peace ❤️

  • Stacey
    Thursday

    I’m so sorry that you’re going through this right now. We went through this with our cat last year (kidney failure) and our (then) 2 year old. We had spent months giving him medicine and fluids until he reached his end so she knew he was very sick and he had to go to the vet to get frequent check ups. When we finally had to say good bye we told her that he had been very sick for a long time and... More

Anonymous posted in Big Kids Mar 07

Explaining donated eggs

My sister has 13 yo twins who she conceived through donated eggs (with her husbands sperm) via IVF. Her kids (both girls) don’t know this but apparently her evil in laws want them to know. I think she should tell her in laws to pack sand but it would be difficult to explain to the girls why they can’t see grandma and grandpa anymore. Has anyone dealt with this and if so, how did you do it??

  • Anonymous
    Thursday

    Thanks all. My sister is planning to let her daughters know but on her own terms and time. She and her husband have told his parents that if they are the ones to tell them then it will be the last time they’ll see them or be allowed to contact them until the girls are 18 and can decide for themselves if they want to do it. My sister and her husband both feel it’s a huge d**k move on behalf of h... More

  • Jenny
    Thursday

    We had my son via a donated frozen embryo and plan to be very open with him about it. When we were deciding how we were going to handle it, we knew if we didn't want him knowing all along, then no one (I mean NO ONE) could know until we told him. It wasn't worth the risk to us.

Childish grandparents ruining my baby’s day

How do other parents handle divorced grandparents that act like high schoolers? This is not the first incident with them not getting along when it comes to celebrating the baby. The gender reveal party was a nightmare. I am planning my daughters 2nd birthday & it’s difficult for me because my step mother is not a fan of me & my mom. She has actually said that if my mom is there my sh... More

  • Anonymous
    Mar 06

    Hi! Sorry if I sound mean but she's only your step mom..I would just talk to your dad and if he shows then that's wonderful and if he doesn't then well you know where his priority is..do what works for you and your family..continue to plan it the way you want to plan it..she's only your step mom

  • Lindsey
    Mar 09

    I have so much experience with this... and it took me a long time but you need to set boundaries with them. And your dad should stand up to her and be there for his grandchild. You need to say this is a party for my child and if you act inappropriate don’t come at all. Your child does not need toxic people in her life. It is a hard thing to do but so necessary.

Anonymous posted in Blended Families Feb 27

Remarried with two children

So I had my first child with my first husband and my second child with my current husband. My first child and my current husband have always butt heads since me and him got together. He has always been very respectful, compassionate and respectful of her feelings. But yet she treats him as second best even when he goes above and beyond to try to earn her love and respect. Any suggestions from a... More

  • Anonymous
    Feb 28

    Thank you Ivy. I appreciate your advice.

  • Sammyjo
    Thursday

    She's probably just feels he's trying to replace her real father since she barely sees him

Miscarriage blues

I had a miscarriage of my 3rd baby a couple years ago. I felt like something was off because I had hyper emesis and couldn't even hold water down. I was in the hospital probably twice a week. In one of those visits we found that the baby died at 10 weeks. I had to carry it until 16 weeks to get a DnC. I was devistated but time heals all wounds, however lately ive been thinking of it a lo... More

  • Carrie
    Feb 27

    Time does help heal wounds, but does not erase them. I had 2 miscarriages before having my son and every so often I get sad thinking about those babies and who they'd be today. I even get really emotional with my son, especially cuddling before bed, and shed a couple tears for all that we went through to get him. I will forever remember the love I had for the babies I lost and refuse to le... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Feb 19

Separation

How often do you talk to your ex when there’s a child involved ? My daughter is 16 months. How often does he call or come by to see child? Idk how to go about this

  • Anonymous
    Feb 21

    It might be a good idea to get your lawyer or family mediator involved so that any agreement on custody can be enforced.

  • Anonymous
    Feb 21

    Okay I’ll talk to a lawyer. Thank you guys !

Anonymous posted in Infertility Feb 17

Seeking advice from anyone who has struggled or knows someone who has struggled getting pregnant.

My friend has been trying to conceive for over a year now. Within that time she found out that she has PCOS. They’re trying another type of drug to help her ovulate, but it sounds like she’ll need to go through IVF. My heart just breaks for her, and I feel so helpless. I can’t even imagine how her and her husband feel. We recently found out that another one of our couple friends is pregnant ... More

  • Theresa
    Feb 19

    I have PCOS and was trying to conceive for about 9 years. I was full of anxiety and stress, well obsessing about it. I had to change my mind cause I wanted to be happy if I wasn’t going to be a momma. Sure enough I did find happiness. I went on the Keto diet and lost 75 pounds and sure enough I ended up pregnant. Today I am the mother of a 10 month old and I’ve never felt so full.

  • Erin
    Feb 21

    I struggled for 3 years with infertility, and after a first failed IVF and being given about a 10% chance of ever conceiving a child, I now have an almost 2 year old daughter from a second IVF. And here are my 2 cents: Definitely don't ask/tell her things like: "have you tried X" or "has he had his sperm count checked" or "I heard if you just relax and stop trying ... More

I love my family

I love my wife of almost 7yrs, who’s also my baby momma of a Beautiful healthy 2yr old. But she told me she needs time apart for a while. It’s been two months, something like that apart. And I still can’t forget her. I feel like she doesn’t loves me anymore. But Idk. She says she does but i don’t see it in her eyes. So... Any Ideas ?

  • Karla
    Feb 14

    I have been with my husband for 10 year and married for 3 years and I can honestly say I also remember a patch of us wanting to be apart. We worked through our problems but would suggest counseling as well. Idk how much time one needs apart from a spouse to figure out what you wanna do next in life or who you want to spend life with. Wish you well!

  • Alan
    Feb 15

    Thank you

Anonymous posted in Mental Health Feb 11

Lonely SAHM 😢

So, I’ve been trying to connect with other moms in my area but it is harder than I thought 😥 normally I’m not one for a sappy day or tears but it’s been so hard having my husband states away and being home feeling like all I get to see are our kids and the walls of our home 😥. I am at a breaking point most of the time and I don’t think it’s fair to my babies that mommy wants to lay in bed most... More

  • Anonymous
    Feb 22

    Thank you guys all sooo much for the support 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 it’s good to know that I’m not alone with how I feel..... I will look into alll suggestions and for all of you I share this PEANUT; a app that allows moms like us to connect with other moms in our area

  • Amy
    Feb 24

    I'm sorry, it's tough to stay sane when you only talk to your Littles! I bet there's a MOPS group in your area where the kids will have fun and you can talk to adults :) See if there's a Facebook mom's group for your area too! My local Facebook moms group is always having meet ups at parks and things.

Life insurance on your LO?

Exactly like adult insurance; something happens to your LO then the insurance company pays out. Should you have it, is it weird to have it or should you not have it? Basically one parent thinks it’s a good idea and the other is totally against it.

  • Caitlin
    Feb 14

    Erica, I’m so sorry to hear that. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  • Caitlin
    Feb 17

    We have Gerber for our kid... and we don’t have it in case they pass away (God forbid). We have it so they will be able to take it over when they’re old enough. Your kids will be able to muddle through college (loans, y’all) if you end up not being able to put away money for that, but life insurance policies are expensive and being pushed to the side as kids grow up now. We don’t want our kid t... More

Any single parents out there going through the dilemma ??

I separated from my (soon to be ex) husband just over a year ago, and I find im still struggling to adjust to the change. While it has nothing to do with him, I find im having a hard time getting things done. For instance, I want to start exercising, going out, do activities with the kids, but I find it much too hard. My job schedule is really inconvenient, and it usually conflicts with anythin... More

  • Traci
    Feb 01

    I feel the exact same way. Thanks for the suggestions

  • Alan
    Feb 18

    Is there daddy groups ?

Co parenting with another parent who’s stubborn?

I’ve been having trouble trying to figure out a good way to share custody with my sons father, he’s very rude and stubborn as heck. Any time we talk it turns into an argument. How can I approach this differently, or to come to an agreement?

  • Destinee
    Jan 18

    It might be a good ideas to consider a mediator. Then you have a professional putting all expectations in writing and it’s clear to all parties. and if anyone goes against it you can go to court.

Anonymous posted in Child & Pregnancy Loss Jan 16

Pregnancy after miscarriage

I miscarried this week. I was 7 weeks pregnant. How soon after an early miscarriage did you conceive? My husband and I would like to try again ASAP.

  • Lily
    Jan 17

    Lost my last pregnancy at 10 weeks. We started trying again as soon as my period came back which was about a month. We got pregnant three months after that, and it is going well so far. Good luck

Anonymous posted in Child & Pregnancy Loss Jan 16

Baby loss

Me & my fiancé accidentally ended up conceiving(I think). I never took a test I was going to wait until my period was late by a week that was going to be Sunday. I’ve been nauseous & have been having the same symptoms as my first son. However, I started bleeding this morning & while I was showering something fell out of me. I didn’t notice it until I was about to get out& when I... More

Anonymous posted in Child & Pregnancy Loss Jan 12

Miscarriage

I had a miscarriage on New year's. My husband and I are distraught. The bleeding has stopped but I'm curious as to how long it will take to conceive. My doc didn't set any restrictions or time line so we are just curious how fast it could happen. Thanks all!

  • Jade
    Jan 14

    I’m so so sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage 2 years ago and it was one of the most difficult experiences of my life! You’re not alone 💛 I had to have some medical assistance since my body was holding on to the pregnancy. So the whole process took longer than normal. But, once it was over, I think it took about 2-3 cycles before we conceived my daughter. Thinking of you and ho... More

  • Jade
    Jan 14

    Also- I found grief counseling incredibly helpful for my healing! It’s not always necessary, but for me personally it was needed. If you find you are feeling “stuck” in your pain, please reach out! All the best 💛

Anonymous posted in Parenting Culture Jan 08

Have you been in this situation? What happened? What did you do?

My son just turned 2, so he doesn’t speak much yet. The other day we were at the aquarium and we had to leave for lunch and nap. Naturally, my son wasn’t ready to leave so I wrestled a screaming toddler into the stroller. Next thing I knew, he was screaming “help me” repeatedly to the family next to us. I calmly got him in the stroller and left. First, I’m super proud that he’s now saying two w... More

  • Anonymous
    Jan 11

    So that’s one of the scenarios I ran through my head... police ask me to prove that my son is my son, so I show them pictures on my phone. Then they say that it’s not enough because it could just mean that I kidnapped the child several months prior and started taking pictures then. 😱 I have my photos cleared out and saved elsewhere every couple of months. My son is a mixed kid and more people... More

  • Catherine
    Jan 24

    My middle son once yelled out ”Dont hurt me no more Daddy!!!” to my husband. First off my husband and I were in shock trying to think of one time he had punished him considering my husband was never around much because of his job and secondly we were trying to rationalize why would he say that? Now that my son is 17 we have asked him why he said that then.. He said that he had a way of imagini... More

Anonymous posted in Divorce & Separation Jan 05

Separating after baby comes

Husband and I are pregnant with baby #2 and have a very volatile relationship. Neither of us are happy and have tried counseling, etc to try to make it work. Baby #2 was a surprise and we had previously agreed to separate before we found out I was pregnant. Long story short, after baby comes we will be splitting and co-parenting. We have decided this on good terms, no anger or hostility just sa... More

  • Anonymous
    Jan 07

    I have a friend who did exactly this. It has been much better for their kids to co-parent but not be together. They live really close to each other to make the logistics easy. It will be hard in the beginning but just know you're doing the best thing for yourself and your kids.

  • Sandra
    Feb 01

    Before I got pregnant my babies father and I were having issues, I was going to break up with him,then I found out I was pregnant and tried to make it work for about 3 months before realizing that I did not want to be with him.I knew that for your kids you have to be okay for them to be okay,it will be hard at first because you’re going to need help,and since you will be separated,it’s going to... More

Can anyone help me with this?

My mom just lost her baby girl, 6 DAYS before she was going to give birth. My mom had a nuchal cord is when the umbilical cord becomes wrapped around the fetus's neck. Symptoms present in the baby shortly after birth from a prior nuchal cord may include duskiness of face, facial petechia, and bleeding in the whites of the eye. Complications can include meconium, respiratory distress, anemia... More

  • MamaNukesYopolo
    Jan 04

    I have no advice but I want express my sincerest condolences for your loss. It is so thoughtful for you to be seeking advice from those who have similar experiences. Maybe you can help her find a group near you. I had a miscarriage early in pregnancy (definitely not trying to compare the experience) but it helped me a lot to speak with people who had similar experiences. Helping your mom find ... More

  • Eileen
    Jan 27

    I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going thru. My baby girl passed away on November she was 6 months. Losing someone that you were so eager to see grow and love is not easy. Be there for one another, never blame yourself. Know she will always be with you. Have a support system family, beliefs, therapy or hobbies.

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