Anonymous

Am I being crazy?

My mother in law was posting a lot of pictures I sent her of my son on her Facebook. She lives across the country, so I try to text her pictures every few days so she doesn’t feel like she’s being left out or missing anything. It has been bothering me though, that she posts almost all of these pictures online. I am the opposite as I try to keep as much private as possible and tend to only post a picture of my son every 3-6 months (mostly family pics on holidays) . Was it out of line for me to ask her to run it by me before posting pictures of him? It has been making me uncomfortable for a while and I just had to say something.... My husband strongly disagrees with me, so I wanted to gain insight on what other mamas would do.

  • Anonymous
    Apr 30

    I think you can ask her to post less. But if you post too, there isn’t huge harm in her posting. Ask her to check her privacy settings so only friends can see.

  • Lily
    May 01

    You aren't out of line....I would not be happy if someone was posting a bunch of pictures of my little one.

  • Vicki
    May 01

    Before my son was born we let everyone know that they were not allowed to put pictures of him online. Period. You have every right to dictate how your children’s images are used. Even if you post pictures online doesn’t mean you can’t tell other people not to. And if people can’t respect that then they can’t have any pictures. We use Tinybeans to share photos with friends and family.

  • E
    May 01

    We have a family Facebook group for this reason. I asked family members to only post pics of my kid to the family group. It’s worked well. With family all over the country it keeps us all sharing but in a way that we all know it’s just for fam.

  • Laura
    May 02

    Not really out of line if you didn't say upfront that you wanted pics to stay private. Let her know, and start using Tinybeans. You can set the settings so others can't download the photos, making them harder to reshare. And ask her who she wants to get the Tinybeans photos, so anyone who would have seen them on her Facebook page will just get the Tinybeans emails.

  • Amy
    May 02

    My MIL used to do that. Since she did, I ended up keeping certain pictures to myself and my husband. I have a slew of photos that only my husband and myself have seen. As a private person myself, I kinda felt nice to know I had something that was just ours. In time, it's gotten better. My MIL and I have discussed lots of things and so she doesn't really post the ones I send her much anymore. Since we visit enough, she usually sticks to her own camera to post pictures. Talk to your husband a bit more why you feel that way. I'm sure he may understand or come to a certain compromise.

  • anonymous mom
    May 02

    We are opposite. My husband is vehemently against any social media presence for our daughter until she decides if she wants it. I have no social media presence myself but I am not bothered by it. My mom and mil both posted pics all the time and I was okay with it but my husband told me he wasn’t. So guess what? We told everyone and they all stopped posting. For me, this is a two yes decision. Meaning if both of you say yes then it’s fine but if just one of you says no it’s not okay and both of you have to stick together and agree (in some cases begrudgingly) that the answer is no. You did nothing wrong. If you’re not okay with it then it doesn’t really matter that your husband disagrees. It’s still not alright.

  • Amy Cao
    May 02

    Hi there, I work in digital marketing so often friends and family will assume that I'm okay with sharing every bit of my life online. This is certainly not the case, especially when it comes to sharing my private life, and photos of my child, online. My mother-in-law also used to post photos I shared with her on Facebook; while her intentions are good, your and your child's privacy need to be respected. I would gently let her know that you totally understand her desire to share the super cute pics of her grandkid (her grandson is super cute, after all!) but you're concerned about his privacy in the long-term. Maybe point her to some recent headlines of Facebook mishandling user data. Even if your mom in law insists she's only sharing with friends, this has been proven to NOT be true. Facebook and other social networks technically can do anything they want with user data. Also, your son deserves to not have his baby pics posted all over the internet. What goes online, stays online. I post *some* photos of my daughter on Instagram, but it's my decision. The least your mom in law can do is ask first before posting. Good luck!

  • Auburn
    May 02

    Absolutely not out of line! If you barely post any pictures why would they think posting a bunch is okay? I have a FB account, though I'm not very active and like you rarely post pictures of my kids, while my husband doesn't have any social media, hates it actually. We agreed before our first was born that we wouldn't be sharing much on Fb mainly for their privacy and let everyone know no one was ever allowed to post without consent from us. To this day (about to give birth to our 3rd child) no one has posted anything about our children and I've probably posted 10-15 photos total. My reasoning for not letting other people post is you have no idea who they have on their friends list, where as I have 48 friends some family have 100s! That's a lot of strangers to you with access to your children! No thank you! Your baby, your rules Mama!

  • Ivy
    May 02

    You could join the Marco Polo app and send videos back and forth via app instead. Assuming she wouldn’t go as far as using screenshot on the footage, it could be a better way to interact and avoid send her photos. Could even tell her to get a snap chat. And no, you’re not out of line— you’re the mom; you make those lines!

  • Vonda
    May 02

    I don’t post any photos of my son online. And have asked others not to post any of him online as well from when he was born. You can request her not to post any online. As much or as little as you’d like. It’s your son. You make the decisions.

  • Sarah
    May 02

    I totally agree 100% My MIL is an avid poster on FB so my husband and I had to have a sit down discussion in advance of baby coming. We asked that no pictures be posted at all. She was understanding and has honored our request. She watches our son 3 days a week so she’s constantly taking pics and videos of him and sending to her friends though...A little annoying but we have to choose our battles...good luck!

  • Tricia
    May 05

    If my ex-MIL was posting pics without my permission, I’d tell her “if you continue to post pictures without my permission, I won’t send you pictures over the web”

  • Kerry
    May 06

    You're not out of line. She's probably just a proud grandma but she should know better.

  • Stacey
    May 09

    I do not allow anyone to post pictures of my daughter. Or it’s something special. But I would definitely talk to your partner and both of you should speak to her at the same time. It’s just being honest with her that you don’t want these private moments online. And if she won’t stop I would stop sending pictures real quick.

  • Anonymous
    Jun 10

    I don’t like it as well, but it’s a fight I won’t win. I post my kids pictures every now and then on social media and I only have people I know. They accept any request, and with crazy people out there I’m don’t like it. But they already think I’m too controlling so I don’t even bother.