Anonymous

Grandparent time

Is it too much if grandparents want to visit they're grandchild twice a week every week? My daughter goes to preschool from 8-3 everyday. My husband and I usually like to spend our weekends as family days since we're both off.

  • Gina
    Sep 11, 2018

    Yeah that definitely depends on your situation - our daughter isn't in preschool so my parents actually watch her 3 days a week and his mom once a week. Definitely be grateful that you have family close by who want to be involved but I don't think two times a week is a lot. Growing up I barely saw my grandparents so I'm glad that our daughter gets to see hers more often than I did mine.

  • Anonymous
    Sep 11, 2018

    My in laws live 3 blocks away, they would walk in unannounced every day if they could. So I completely get where your coming from. I used to be okay with them coming over unannounced, whenever but when I had children, I put my foot down. because I had to, they have a very enmeshed relationship with their son. I think as a mother, we moms spend all this time taking care of other people, and if someone visiting is causing more stress than you already have, say no! Say no whenever you need to! Don’t feel bad and honestly don’t stress about it thinking “what if we lose them one day.” because all in all, a relationship can thrive grandparent to grandchild without having them around all the time. Do what works for you! and DO not feel guilty about it! Memories can still be made, and besides your children will learn how to establish boundaries themselves by seeing how you do it.

  • Dee
    Sep 11, 2018

    It’s obviously a personal thing and depends on your relationship with them but as someone whose family lives thousands of miles away (both sides of the family) we would love to have grandparents around for our kids and they would adore it too. Believe me, you miss them when they aren’t around...

  • Anonymous
    Sep 11, 2018

    I would just say, keep in mind that someday you will be the grandma that wants to see your grandkids often. How do you want your children and their spouses to treat you then? Do you want to be welcomed in their home whenever you want or are you totally okay with being restricted? Whenever my parents or my in-laws are being a little much, before reacting I always think about my little girls and how I want them to react when I am the grandma who gives a little too much advice or whatever. I would also take into consideration what your kids want. They might want to see their grandparents that often and I feel like that is also important. I know my daughter starts missing her grandmas if she hasn’t at least FaceTimed with them for longer than 2 days or so. If you still feel like putting restrictions after thinking like this then that is probably what is best for you. There is no right and wrong here!

  • Inna
    Sep 11, 2018

    Every one is different. I want my son to have as much love around him as possible. My grandparents played an important role in raising me and now I want them to spend as time as possible with their great son. Unfortunately my dad passed three months before my son got here and my mom watched my son twice a week.

  • Leenie Beanie
    Sep 12, 2018

    Let them come as much as they can. They aren’t moving in with you. They want to see the kid not you. Go do your errands, go weed the yard. For all the people saying “if it’s too much for you, then it’s too much” What about the other parent? She is being rude, plain and simple.

  • Kate
    Sep 12, 2018

    I would invite them to babysit for date night if they want to see her a second time during the week.

  • Melissa
    Sep 12, 2018

    So all 4 of my grandparents passed by the time I was 5 years old. My husband on the other hand has all 4 grandparents and until recently had a great grandmother alive... and he loves spending time with them. He always talks about how important hey are to him and how theyre there for him supporting him. I always feel deprived of a relationship with my grandparents whenever I see him with his. Furthermore I was never close to one set of grandparents bc my mother kept me from them somewhat unintentionally (like CA above she was a sahm who spent time with her parents and disliked her in laws so she kept theyre visits to every other Sunday). Well now that im an adult with my own baby that is the one thing I resent her for. She didn’t have the right to pretty much ensure I wouldn’t know them. I really don’t have many memories of them. For all these reasons I don’t limit how much my parents, his parents, or his grandparents want to see our baby... I want them to have a relationship. In the end being a mom means putting your child first - not yourself. If her grandparents died suddenly would you feel guilty for keeping your child from them? If the answer is yes then you shouldn’t be doing it. However, if you have to entertain your parents or your in-laws then find a way that they can see your child but it’s not stressful for you. Like dropping your child off just for a few hours if she’s too young for a sleepover and going on either a date night with your hubby or a girlfriend date. If you live close by it’s not too much for each grandparent to see their grandchild once or twice a week. If you have to travel or they have to travel and stay with you then that’s a different story. A lot of moms here have said that it’s about you and what you feel is too much. Well I disagree... you have to find a balance between what is best for you and what is best for your child with your child’s needs above yours. But you know this already... otherwise you probably wouldn’t be asking the question on here :) It’s def best for your child to have a relationship with all of his/her grandparents (provided no extenuating circumstances of course like one of them having a drinking problem or them otherwise being a bad influence). As long as the grandparents are doting, loving and they spoil your child with live and attention, it’s likely best for them to see each other plenty. The relationship will obviously be better the more the child sees the grandparent.. so see if you can figure out a way to keep yourself happy while honoring what is best for your child. Good luck!

  • Jo H.
    Sep 12, 2018

    Life is short and children grow up so fast. I'm sure they don't want to miss out on watching their grandchildren grow and progress. Your children will benefit from sharing time with grandparents who love them. If family bonding is something that is important to you then perhaps the bonding could include extended family sometimes. Finding a way to allow them as much time as possible with the grandkids and having your own time with the children may be a challenge, but what a great problem to have. When the children are grown or the grandparents are gone, it won't be a problem anymore.

  • Aipery Usenbaev
    Sep 12, 2018

    If you have to ask in this forum, it means it is too much. If the idea already made you uncomfortable. Be the best parent YOU can be and do not stress

  • Lauren
    Sep 22, 2018

    I am housing my mother since her finances don't allow her to get her own place. She's on huge wait lists for housing assistance so basically her, myself and my hubby are all raising my 2 kids n stepson when he is over in a 3 bedroom house I rent. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind hardcore but she does all the dishes and laundry n takes the kids so I can do quick things like store runs c etc.! It is a God send. However she watches my newborn but we send my toddler to daycare anyways cuz he needs the structure n my mom can't manage him physically all the time. She has bad wrists and arthritis in her back. Its kind of a circus but I'm trying to enjoy all she does and how the kids love her. We just have trouble with boundaries sometimes. That myself n dad are the parents at the end of the day

  • Becky
    Sep 28, 2018

    I am a grandmother and babysit my 7 month old granddaughter for 12 hours a day 3 days a week. Frankly, I don't ask to see her more. I love her dearly, but she doesn't nap in 12 long hours. I also work part time. My grandson has not seen his other grandparents since he was 3. He's 11 now. No phone calls, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, just nothing and that is their choice. My daughter was happy for them to see him. May I suggest asking the grandparents to read, give a bath, feed supper, or take the children to a park. Take an hour or 2 for yourself or to get your work done. My 92 year old mother comes over to rock my granddaughter so I can clean house or take a shower. You can never have too many people love your child, but let the grandparents have a special something to do with the child and it could solve several problems.

  • Amy
    Oct 09, 2018

    We see both sets of our parents very often, but more often at some times than others. For instance, our kids are now old enough to play sports, so on game days, all family is welcome to come watch, and we know that will be a grandparents and probably an aunt or uncle hang-out day. But, on weekends when there is no game, I definitely think it’s important to have just parent/kid time from time-to-time. Yes, you bond with your child daily, but the weekends can be a time for the parents to do extra special activities with the kids, and that’s important, too. We used to have our in-laws come stay at our house multiple weekends a month, and it did get to be too much, so I think we have found a happy medium now. It took my mil quite a few years to understand that we actually need our own family time, too, because her family had no boundaries. It’s important to get your husband on board, too, so you’re not always the bad guy, so he can say, “We have plans to do ____.” You don’t have to be rude; sometimes just letting them know you’re busy or have plans can help!

  • Nikki
    Oct 15, 2018

    My dad passed early this year and I would have been heartbroken if my LO hadn’t spent as much time as possible with him. I never dreamed of limiting time with grandparents. They are our family. With that being said, they never force.

  • Grammy
    Nov 13, 2018

    And a note to CA who posted that she has reduced her husband's parents to once every two weeks, while she sees her mother all the time...this sounds so very sad to me. Those grandparents just want to offer love. And forcing your husband to choose between your wishes and his family is a sad place to be. Yes, you and his children come first. But his parents have just as much right to see their grandchildren as your mother does. And as a stay-at-home mom, it's not about "needing" their services; it means you can be even more flexible in allowing them more time. Please think about it.

  • Warrior78
    Jan 24

    I think its selfish of you to have those thoughts thou they are yours . I see it as all about control and if you remember without those grandparents your children wouldnt be here. I agree with the comment above what comes around goes around. And dont complain when it does.

  • Julie
    Jan 24

    All about control or all about her wanting time with her own family?? Her daughter is in preschool all day while she and her husband work. We all know how weeknights work, you only get a few hours of family time as it is if you’re lucky. There’s no right or wrong answer here. But what is wrong is trying to guilt the original poster into giving grandparents twice a week visits with her children based on our own family experiences. Without knowing the family dynamics and how the grandparents treat her and her husband and her kids it’s hard to know if this is something she should limit or not. That’s why I said, “if it’s too much for you then it’s too much.” In my first response. My mil is a complete narcissist who has destroyed friendships and relationships with her family due to her incessant desire to manipulate and control everyone in her life. I’m never letting her be around my daughter without me or my husband present, and even then it’s a few times per year. Actually it was my husband who first implemented this rule but that was only after I FOUGHT for his cray cray mother to be able to spend SOME time with our daughter because I don’t believe in shutting family out even in extreme circumstances (obviously there are exceptions). My FIL and SMIL and my own mom have an open door policy with us. They can and do visit whenever they want, which is frequently. My dad passed away a long time ago or he would also have an open door and a guest room ready for him anytime he wanted.

  • Anonymous
    Jan 24

    It's not about control it's about wanting time with my own family thank you very much.