Anonymous

Loss of family

My husband is currently at the hospital with his mother dying. They think she will pass in the next 3-5 days. I'm looking for advice on ways to best support him. I'm covering the basics at home with the kids and we're in the middle of having the house worked on, but I'm trying to think of anything I'm probably missing to make things easier right now. Thanks

  • Jenn
    May 30

    We are going through something similar, though his mom has more time. I honestly think just love and support. If he wants to talk, let him talk. If he doesn't, just let him know you are there when he needs you. Also make sure you take care of yourself. If you have family or a local moms group, reach out for support, like dinners, so you can have less to do and more time to support him.

  • Sarah
    May 30

    I am the one going through the diagnosis of my mom right now. Quite honestly, I’m not sure what I need, as it changes from day to day, along with my emotions. My husband asks me, and I am just upfront. Sometimes I need him and the world to leave me alone, other days I need him to hug and cry with me. Just ask and hopefully he will be able to communicate his needs for that moment.

  • Anonymous
    May 30

    I lost my mom almost 2 years ago. She was in a different city and I was able to spend several weeks with her before she passed. I had to care for my son by myself too since my husband had to stay and work. He was able to show up for her last few days. Anyway... Make sure he’s eating. I know I forgot to eat some times and my husband helped out by running out to grab some food (that wasn’t junk). Depending on the type of person he is... be there to talk or not talk about his mom. I spent a lot of my energy explaining to extended family members what was going on with my mom that I didn’t want to talk about her condition with my husband. But because he wasn’t there, he wanted to talk about it. So if you are close with extended family members and someone wants to be kept in the loop, maybe offer to be that liaison so he can just focus on mom. Losing a parent is hard. And even after almost 2 years, it hasn’t gotten any easier for me. For a long time after my mom passed, I stayed home because I just had a hard time leaving the house and seeing kids with their moms or grandmas... always thinking my mom should still be here. And some times I feel like I’m living in an alternate reality and she really isn’t gone... that what we had all gone through was fabricated or just a dream. So when the time comes... just be prepared for how your husband might change as far as behavior and be as supportive as you can.

  • Anne
    May 31

    I lost my father suddenly when my kids were 1 and 3. What surprised me was how much I needed to be with them, even when I was in shock and grieving. My husband flew across the country by himself with the kids so they could be with me for the funeral. They were too little to understand but it meant a lot to me to have them there. The other thing that people told me which is definitely true... grieving a parent is a 10 year process. It will hit you out of the blue at the most random times years later. So just be prepared for things to go in stages and be as supportive as you can. I'm sorry for your family's loss.

  • Kelley
    May 31

    First of all, I’m sorry you are going through this. Both my husband and I have lost a parent in the last couple of years. Everyone handles it differently, especially in different circumstances. My husband lost his dad after a short illness and rather unexpectedly. I lost my dad after a lengthy illness and we definitely had time to wrap our minds around what was happening. Doesn’t make it any less painful, but we weren’t shocked by it. Sleep will be important, and eating. Protect both of those for him best you can. He may need some help with final arrangements- best you can go with him and find someone to handle the kids while you are beside him. Find a way to meaningfully memorialize her with him. Just be there to listen. You can’t fix it. Hug him if he wants hugs, and be understanding if physical contact is overwhelming to him.

  • Harsha
    Jun 01

    He is experiencing the biggest lost in his life, stand by him and just don’t touch upon any other topic at the moment... this shall pass too ♥️

  • Gean
    Jun 06

    Try to remember that men do not think like women. For me, when I lost my mother I was working most times an hour from home. That is when I did most of my crying, and thinking, and wrestling with God. I didnt talk to my wife till I was ready to. In hind site I should have talked to her sooner, and more often. But I felt I had to be strong for her and the kids, so the time alone was good for me. Now, in hind site, I see that I should have talked to my wife WAY sooner. If you are the type that HAS to push in there. Do so gently, and be ready to pull back and wait if it goes sideways.