Anonymous

To give or not to give?

We recently moved into a gated community, you need either a decal or stop at the front gate (who then call us) to enter. My husband wants to give a decal to his family so they can come and go as the like I would prefer not to. I’m not even giving it to my family. I really like the privacy and notice it would give us. Plus sometimes they (both mine and his) like to pop in this way they can’t and they won’t know if we’re home or not. We have a nice place now and I don’t want people constantly coming over, I have my kids and own things to tend to. If I tell them not to they either still do or take offense.

  • Anonymous
    Jul 03

    After explaining it exactly like this to your husband, how does he respond? He should be the one talking to his own family about not giving them a decal. Or you know... don’t mention it to them at all. Just say that only residents have them and you don’t want to be breaking any rules if they ask for one

  • Sara
    Jul 03

    Is it possible for their to be a middle ground here? My in-laws (mother-in-law and sister-in-law) have keys to our house because they both live in the area, but they would never pop over unannounced. Their keys just make it easier for us so we don't have to be home immediately when they arrive if we're running late or in case of an emergency (for example, once they needed to pick up something when we were out of town). They really respect our privacy and it's understood they wouldn't just pop over out of the blue. Could you establish that same understanding with your family?

  • Anonymous
    Jul 03

    I have told him, and like Sara said he has a key to all their houses too so he wants to give them a decal/key. We have a pool in the back with a nice indoor/outdoor living space and it’s a hot summer so they’ve been wanting to come over often. I’m not trying to be a snob but I like my space. He thinks there’s no problem with family coming over anytime. They are the kind to pop up. Like they’ll call when they’re down the street. Since we finally have a nice house my husband wants it to be the hang out family spot. I don’t like entertaining so often and cleaning up after people or telling them not to snoop through stuff.

  • Vicki
    Jul 03

    I’m getting anxiety just from reading your posts. I mean no, do not give them a decal. They obviously already have boundary issues. Prepare yourself and sit down with your husband to have a serious conversation as to why you don’t want to do this. Then let him know that you have no problem with family coming over as long as it is when you want company, are ready for them AND they respect you, your home and your wishes. He should be addressing the rude things they do with them. You shouldn’t have to fight that battle. Also, if you wouldn’t give your own family one, why would he think you would be ok with his family having one?!?

  • Kendall
    Jul 04

    Only reason I vote give is for an emergency...... but over all, I vote not to give lol my in laws would have a heart attack over it though, that’s a fact. My husband says “our life our rules” 🤘🏽

  • Olivia
    Jul 04

    I lived in a gated community. Nobody was allowed to have a pass like the one you are talking about unless they lived there. It's a gated community for a reason. They dont want nonresidents driving through whenever they feel like. In the development I lived in, they did temporary passes. So, say your in laws were spending the night from the 4-5th, the pass would have their name, the address they were going to, and the span of time they were allowed to be let in. Every time they go to the gate they had to show ID. But, as long as they were in the time frame written on the slip, they could come and go as they pleased. They also did open passes. I'd look into those rules and say 100% no decal for them.

  • Lisa
    Jul 04

    We had a similar situation, which I won’t go into the details of. Different things that have worked were setting a schedule of when it was okay to come over to use the pool (schedule set at beginning of summer), making it a rule that if they wish to come over 24hrs notice must be given (asked), even if you are coming at an agreed-upon time still do the polite thing and text to confirm you intend to be there that day and knock/ring doorbell when you arrive rather than just barging in.

  • Anne
    Jul 04

    I think giving one to your husband’s parents is ok, as long as they understand that they cannot come and go as they please without you or your husband approving the visit. AKA: NO unannounced visits. It could save you the hassle of getting them buzzed in, or however your community does guest check in.

  • Anonymous
    Jul 05

    Then his siblings are going to want one as well, I’m thinking of getting a lockbox and leaving it somewhere if anyone ever needed to get in. And the front gate can always call us on our cell to let them in. I feel like it’s a fair compromise. Then no one has our key but should there be an emergency they can still get in

  • Jess
    Jul 05

    My parents have our garage door code in case they ever need to get in but not a sticker for our community gate... for us it is not allowed to give to non residents as no point in a gated community if everyone can give out a decal to whomever.

  • anonymous mom
    Aug 08

    Uh, no. This defeats the purpose of living in a gated community 😂😂. I have to say I’m a bit jealous. I now want to live in a gated community and I want to make sure my mil has to request access through a security company who would contact me. The less I see or speak to her the better. This would solve so many problems. Hahahahaha.