Posted in Divorce & Separation, Family Life, Relationships

What would you do if your SO decided to be a part time parent?

Anonymous

My husband left saying he’s not cut out for relationships. He said he doesn’t want to be tied down and wants to do what he wants when he wants. So he’s getting his place and wants the kids on his day off. He’s not gonna sacrifice anything he’s in school full time he’s getting a full time job and he wants to join organizations. I’m left to figure things out and let him be the fun dad on the days he wants. Take the kids to him when he wants to see them because he can’t seem to uber here or find a ride. I’m just scared one day he decides he’s not cut out to be a dad (didn’t want kids in the first place) I don’t know if he’s sticking around so he doesn’t look like a bad guy or a dead beat dad.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 25

    Not gonna lie, he already sounds like a bad guy/dead beat dad if he’s leaving like this. You can’t choose when you want to parent. Once you’re a parent, you’re a parent full-time. Even if you have a full time job... you’re still a full time parent. Because I’m sure your kids pop in your mind while you’re at work and you are working to support your family and kids to begin with. He either wants the kids or he doesn’t. If he wants the kids, then you guys need to compromise on what’s fair. He can’t expect you to bend over backwards to make things work smoothly for him. Unless what he’s proposing works out well for you? Idk.

  • B
    Aug 26

    I’d go to a lawyer immediately and get an official custody and child support agreement. Sounds like you should get full time custody, but you can mandate how often he sees the kids and other things. Don’t keep the kids away from him, it’s not fair to them, but don’t feel like you’re responsible for catering to his whims. Garnish his pay check if needed. He needs to help pay for them at least.

  • Anonymous
    Aug 26

    I would send the get a good lawyer and get everything in writing. So you guys are getting a separation? Divorce? Custody? I would be pissed if I was in this situation. I would protect myself and the kids to have a secure future from disappointments he’s sure to bring in the future too. It doesn’t seem fair to you or the kids; this situation. They don’t really need a dad like this in the long run.

  • Ivy
    Aug 26

    He doesn’t get to be the fun dad, he gets to be the derelict father. You and the kids don’t have to pay for his selfishness— he’s no victim here. He doesn’t get to act like his own children, or a family would tie him down, when his attitude is tying himself down to his own selfishness. I can’t imagine being a grown up and still acting like such a child, that I can’t have the responsibility to care for others. It’s not like kids ask their parents to sacrifice everything for them— they didn’t ask to exist in the first place. Kids shouldn’t have to grow up wondering why they have a father who is sometimes there. They don’t need the burden of a dad who is choosing to to live in Neverland as an adult child. You guys get to do what you all want, when you want, without sacrificing the family you guys can build, without such a “father”. I do feel for you and your kiddos... my parents were separated long before they finally divorced. While my parents situation was quite different, being a child of that situation, really sucked. There was always this hope that they would get back together, but it never came and when they finally divorced, it was like, okay, I can accept that is what it is now. My father was there for me and loved us, before, during, and after the whole ordeal though, and for that, I’m grateful. I don’t know the whole situation you’re in, but if it were me, I may give him one last talk and chance (maybe a family intervention) to snap out of his selfishness. If he doesn’t, I would not want him around. He can see the kids, but under my terms, and that would require more of his efforts to care. There’s no easy way to handle your situation, and there probably is no right answer, but you know your situation best.

  • Sierra
    Aug 30

    I’d tell that a** he can either be a real man and father to the sweet souls he brought into this world or he can give you sole custody and enjoy his “freedom.” Your kids DESERVE 100% of thier Dad 100% of the time. YOU deserve a man who’s a husband and Dad 100% of the time. I had a weekend Dad and it only caused me, my Momma and our family pain, stress and confusion. It damaged my childhood and effected me wholly in so many ways as I grew up and the person I am and still am growing to be and the Momma and family I’ve made for myself and my babies. I never realized how much until I was in my 20’s. So what, he can just step out on his family, decide what he gives and doesn’t of himself to you and his kids and you should just accept that? Because he’s a man? Because he decided he’s not cut out for relationships? Because his wants are important and yours and his kids aren’t? Who is he to say he will be a Dad at his convenience AND make you bring them to him? You’re left to figure out life for yourself and your kids alone while he’s living his b******* best life? NOPE. You all deserve so much more than that. I’d tell him he can either act like an adult and be a DAD or he can’t not. I’d get a lawyer, serve him and not contact him in any way and see if he steps up. I really hope you’ve got friends or family close by who are there for you if you need them. I hope your kids are okay and YOU are okay.

  • Anonymous
    Sep 01

    It’s hard, especially when my toddler calls out for dada. I’m trying to be a good co-parent. He said he always wants to be a part of their lives because it’s his kids and he has every right to them. I don’t want to tell him he can’t ever see the kids, especially when they miss him. I have my family and they’ve been so much help. Rn he came back because he’s been sleeping on his sister’s couch and her husband doesn’t want him sleeping on the couch but then he doesn’t have a place. He said he’d take the kids three days a week but we don’t have a set plan. Sometimes it seems like things will be okay and sometimes like it’s falling apart. Idk, I can try to save this or let it sink.

  • Anonymous
    Sep 01

    I’ve confronted him about a lot and it seems like he’s trying, I don’t know if it’s just because he doesn’t have his own place yet though.

  • Ivy
    Sep 01

    He has a right to see his kids, but the real narrative here, is that your kiddos have every right to have a committed father, and you have every right to not put up with an uncommitted partner. I’m so sorry you have to even deal with this. It’s not fair to you and your children, and even the rest of your families who have to deal with the rippling effects, caused by one person who can only think of his wants and his “rights”.

  • Anonymous
    Sunday

    Lawyer. Now. Don't drag it out. He is not the only one affecting them negatively in this situation. Kids will see right through you... you cannot hide your emotions about this from them. You being upset about the lack of stability/predictability will come out around them and will affect them. Don't wait around for him to decide wtf he's doing. Take action.. please, for the mental health of your kids. Anyone who says he doesn't want to be tied down isn't going to magically wake up one morning and decide to be there for his kids 24/7.